


Hinter dem Horizont

by Zennelia



Category: Gundam Wing, Mobile Suit Gundam Wing
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Character Development, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Medical, Medical Procedures, Minor Character Death, Philosophy, Poetry, Post-Canon, Post-Endless Waltz, Post-War, Preventers (Gundam Wing), Psychological Drama, Real Life, Romance, Tragedy, mentioned PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 14:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 61,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10336529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zennelia/pseuds/Zennelia
Summary: "What do you see beyond the horizon today, Heero?" she asked."Our world," he answered solemnly. "Filled with so much mixed emotions of people."She smiled, prompted, "Do you feel today?"His voice was no more than a deep whisper, deep in thoughts when he answered, "Always. I have always been feeling, Relena."A deeper explore into these notions; a struggle to a mutual peace. In the short time they were given, Relena and Heero found their love overcame the hardships they went through together; being each other pillars. But in the end, people die, and when the time comes, they both will embrace the death with dignity - because their love was beyond death to be cheated, and it would last forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**A Gundam Wing/AC Fanfiction –** _**Hinter dem Horizont** _

Disclaimer: Usual disclaimer applies.

Character(s): Heero Yuy/Duo Maxwell/Relena P

Pairing(s): 1xR

Genre(s): Hurt/Comfort/Friendship/Family

A/N: Warning, possible AU and AR. And please note that **English is not my native language** , so please pardon me for any possible grammar and vocabulary mistakes.

* * *

_Brussels, March 23, AC 200  
_

_2045 hours_

Peace and war. Two things that were contradictory; but something that human had longed for a long time and something that human had tended to tread for as long as humanity could remember.

_Human hearts are the roots of the evils._

Heero Yuy once had said to Relena Darlian this somehow twisted logic. But she knew; that every words of it were true. All the wrong and good deeds came from human hearts. Human hearts were incarnation of both evils and goods, and the tragedy of war inflicted upon humanity was the wrongs of human themselves.

_It is essential to always remember that humans are wicked,_ Heero told Relena, _but is also essential to understand that humans are a sea of thousand possibilities. As long as the concept of fighting remains in people's hearts, real peace might be impossible. [1] But as long as humans live with their emotions, I believe real peace is not impossible._

It bemused Relena that Heero was saying all of those philosophies to her. Heero never stroke her as a person of words, but she knew him well enough of his true nature; the one with pure heart filled with such kindness and warmth that this world so desperately needed.

Relena sighed, and took a frame of photograph standing by the monitor on her office desk. Her finger slowly ran over a figure with dark brown hair wearing a black Preventer uniform, standing in guard behind her on the podium; his intense Prussian blue eyes were as bright and sharp as she could remember. The picture was taken a year ago by the mischief sneaking of Duo Maxwell during the press conference in Washington D.C and he gave it to Relena as a 'lovely memento for the princess'. She had been since keeping the only photo of Heero on her desk, carefully cleaning its smooth glass surface every week. Heero had resigned as her personal bodyguard last year, focusing on his job as a Preventer senior special agent and what she had heard last that the ex Gundam pilot enrolled into a university to pursue his degree in computer science and engineering. Relena couldn't be happier to hear the news. Sure, she was missing Heero's company so badly, but she was glad that Heero could finally decide and do for his own good. She knew Heero would make an amazing student with his extensive knowledge in many things.

_Not to mention his skills with firearms and many other military weaponries,_ she thought and chuckled.

Her phone rang and she snapped out of her musings. She picked it up, and her secretary's voice greeted her, "Miss Relena?"

"Yes, Claudia?" Relena sighed inwardly, expecting some minor problems from her paperwork within the call.

"Commander Une from Preventer is on the private line number one, and she said this was urgent. Shall I patch her through, Miss?"

_Commander Une?_ Relena's stomach twisted, and suddenly she felt a wave of fear washed through her. "Yes, please do so, Claudia. Thank you."

The phone beeped and a few seconds later the stiff voice of Lady Une greeted her, "Relena?"

"Commander Une, this is an unexpected call. Is something wrong?"

"I'm already in front of your door," Une said in hustle voice. "Can I…?"

Relena blinked in slight surprise. "Sure," Relena dropped the phone, and hurried to the door and opened it. Lady Une stepped in hastily, her appearance made Relena startle. Her hair was a mess, dark circles were under her eyes, her uniform was wrinkled and she looked utterly exhausted.

"Oh God!" Relena exclaimed, grabbing the older woman's arm and guided her to the couch nearby the window. "What happened? I'll get you some tea! Wait – "

"No, no, we have a… emergency. You will be best to come with me now," Une shook her head, and this time, she was the one who grabbed Relena's arm and gave her a tight squeeze; her bloodshot eyes were solemn. "Relena, Heero is in the Preventer's hospital. He is currently under surgery. He was shot on the stomach and the chest. He's in critical condition."

Realisation drowned slowly into her and Relena felt her heart stopped beating for a moment. Her hands ran to her mouth and chest, a tear subconsciously streaked down her cheek. "What…? Why? What do you mean? It can't be…"

"Come on," Une whispered softly, "he needs you."

* * *

Relena was beyond tired. Two hours and a half, and they still hadn't got any word of Heero's condition. Duo Maxwell and Chang Wufei were present, the braided man pacing forth and back the waiting room in anxiety; his knuckles were white from his strong clutches, showing the apprehensive state he was in. The Chinese man was leaning against the wall, refusing to give himself any comfort. Both dressed in their Preventer uniform; messy and dishevelled with various dirt and to Relena's suspicions, blood stains. She had a strong feeling that it was Heero's blood.

It was Wufei who told her of what had happened. They were on a investigating mission; believing a force of rebel was in undercover move to raising in the border between Germany and Austria, but they were misinformed about the rebel force structure and power – the undercover agent sent beforehand was discovered and eliminated. The rebels then had been sending the headquarters a false information using the agent's communication device identity, and thus confirming the real treat of the rebel force. Heero and Duo were the first to lead an ambush without knowing it was a trap, and they were met with rounds of ruthless gun volley. Duo then threw two grenades, but the suspected leader managed to cheat the death. Heero instantly leapt into pursue, but with minimal knowledge and information of the layout, he was led to another bunker hall and was shot right on his abdomen and chest. It was only to Duo's quick thinking and reflexes that he threw another grenade to the bunker, barely saving Heero with half-dragging him across the floor before the grenades exploded. If not for Duo's instant reaction, Heero would had been shot to death.

" _But wasn't Heero in university?" Relena inquired weakly; she was trembling so badly. "Why wasn't I informed of this rebel activity? You should have known better! This could escalate into a riot if the public found out! God, I wasn't working for nothing! I am a Vice Minister for nothing! You should have told me!"_

" _I have no authority on that matter. You will have to ask Une herself. But I believe that the blown cover of our agent is the link to all of this. We were given false information that led us to take wrong measures – and it delivered us this chaotic results. I personally apologise for this, especially for the casualties it produced. I have a part to blame too, I should have known better. Maxwell and I should have held Yuy back."_

" _But – but what about him going to university? Why was he in the mission?"_

" _That's part of his undercover."_

The absence of Duo's frantic pace made Relena look up, and she noticed a doctor in a green hospital gown was approaching them. Relena immediately rose to her feet and sprinted to the doctor, followed by Duo and Wufei closely behind.

"Minister?" the doctor called.

"Yes. How is he?" Relena burst out, and Duo and Wufei glared at the doctor.

"Stabilised," the doctor began, and the trio released a relief sigh simultaneously. "But not yet out of the woods. The bullet on the chest fortunately missed his heart, but it grazed his lung, and made him suffer from a traumatic pneumothorax. We had to perform thoracotomy on him, where we were forced to take a surgical action. In other words, we had to open his chest. It should heal just fine, save for the post-thoracotomy pain it is. However…" the doctor stared at Relena, taking a deep breath. "There were two bullets hit his liver. He had lost a massive amount of blood. It was lucky that he was brought in the right time, just a few minutes later, we would have lost him for sure. We are able to stop the bleeding for now, but he might need a transplant. He would be kept under a strict surveillance to see if his liver will be able to regenerate on its own. I advise that it would be wise to prepare for the worst, Vice Minister. Two bullets on the liver… it is no good thing, Minister."

"Shit," Duo cursed loudly, while Wufei finally shrunk to the plastic chair nearby. Tears flowed freely down Relena's cheeks, and she felt suffocated. She then broke into broken sobs, dropped beside Wufei, who reluctantly pulled her into his awkward embrace. The doctor shook his head.

"The nurse will prepare the necessary forms for the transplant notice and precaution. I was informed that you are Agent Yuy's next-of-kin, Minister?"

"Yes," Relena breathed. "Yes, I am, doctor."

"I will need you to read the forms and to sign them," the doctor said gently, smiling warmly. "Let me ease your worry a bit by informing you that Agent Yuy's doing his best. He's fighting so hard. He will survive, I can feel it. Please, follow me."

"I'm coming with you," said Duo hoarsely, but Relena shook her head.

"I'll be fine, Duo. You just stay here and wait for the others. I won't be long." She assured, giving Duo's scrubby hands a brief squeeze. Duo nodded, and Relena noticed a streak of dried tears on his gaunt face. "Everything is going to be okay." And then she walked away, following the doctor.

"Jesus Christ…" Duo murmured, shaking inevitably. "Jesus, Heero… this means that he isn't out of danger yet, is he? What… what if he went under organ fai - ?"

"Stop betting on him, Maxwell," Wufei growled, but he was as doubtful as Duo. "Yuy will pull through. He always did."

Duo didn't offer any respond, and the two agents fell silent into their respective thoughts.

* * *

_New York, August, AC 198_

This year's autumn had been specifically ruthless, for Relena. The summit would take for three days, and Relena wished that she was somewhere warm, like Indonesia, rummaging through the street foods flooded every corner of the populous city of Jakarta. Oh, how she really missed doing the mischievous with the help of Heero… Heero had always been the one who understood her inside and outside.

But it seemed that there would be no sneaking out today. Her paper works were terrifyingly piling up into two high stacks in front of her, and if she tended to procrastination tonight…

"Give me those," a deep and calm voice distracted her from her mischievous thoughts, and Heero was standing in front of her; his hair was still damp after the shower. "You go wash yourself. I will take care of these."

Relena smiled warmly as she reached for Heero's hand. "No, really, it's fine. You have exhausted yourself with the tour today, you should go to sleep. I'll be fine. These papers," she wagged her hand to the piles, "are my company tonight. Nothing compared to what you have gone through for me. But thank you for the offer, Heero. Always." Relena gave her most stern look to her bodyguard, and Heero knew he was lost.

"I am your company tonight," Heero still tried to offer, and Relena laughed at this.

"I would love to hearing to your musing tonight, but I suggest you to go get some rest yourself."

Heero didn't answer, and instead sat down on the chair nearby the desk. He stared at Relena, a hint of amusement flashed on his deep blue eyes. Relena couldn't help but chuckled at the familiar move. This had happened almost every night.

"Fine, but I order you to go to sleep after an hour. Direct order, Heero Yuy," Relena stated, a smug smile tugged at her lips. Heero nodded in consent, and she returned to the papers in front of her.

There was only a pleasant silence for a while before Relena spoke up, not bothering to look up from her work. "I was under impression that you are lack of sleep lately, Heero. I hope that you're not pushing yourself too far. Even you need a decent sleep, I'm afraid."

"I'm obligated to your safety, Relena. I cannot let my guard down around you, especially in a summit or tours."

"But I'm concerned for you."

"I'm taking a good care of myself," Heero said calmly. "Otherwise, I won't be able to protect you."

Relena sighed, but she didn't push further. "Fine, you know yourself better. Well, what do you see beyond the horizon today, Heero?"

She loved to ask him such question; because she loved the answer he would give her. With his tendency to only speak when needed, his choice of words of mundane things flew like lines of those philosophy books. It also made her think and understand. That was why she loved his company so much.

"Our world," he answered solemnly. "Filled with so much mixed emotions of people."

Relena smiled again at his answer, briefly looking at him. "Do you _feel_ today?"

A brief silence.

"Always," his voice was no more than a deep whisper, deep in thoughts. "I have always been feeling, Relena."

"What do you feel?"

"I thought," he began slowly, contemplating of his next choice of words carefully, "that what the world needs is simply mutual understanding."

That perked Relena's full attention. "Mutual understanding?"

"If human try just a little bit to understand each other, conflicts can be eluded." Heero frowned, searching his brain for words he rarely used. "Like you. You tried to understand me, a soldier with complete different view and world from you, but you tried. Then you understand my struggle to find myself a place in the world of peace, and you guided me how to survive and cherish what I have. I tried to understand your thoughts, your world, your view; and I found the resolve to continue to fight. Fight for what we have achieved with bloods, with millions of life that had vanished in the war. Sacrifice is always needed for one point in mutual understanding, because human hearts are both good and evil. It would always be. Imagine if human hearts and mind are not so complicated, then understanding is the easiest thing to do to achieve mutual peace. But then, people born from many different circumstances and evils have always rooted deep inside human mind and heart since they were born. Things that seem very simple even like disagreement is one of mischievous thoughts born from seed of evil in humans."

Somehow, her eyes were hot upon the long contention. "Why do you think people are so hard to understand each other, Heero?"

Heero gazed at her, his Prussian blue eyes swarming with unidentified emotions. "Because they don't feel, Relena."

Relena shook her head sadly. "You've come a long way to feel, Heero. Because the goods are already within you. Your once callous and cold-hearted self was just a mere mask of a soldier you were made into."

Heero already slipped into his perfect soldier mask, his eyes and expression betrayed no emotions. "Sometimes a cold heart is very much needed for the cursed devils, Relena. You cannot deny it."

Relena smiled dejectedly, giving her friend a nod of agreement. She plunged back into her papers, the rest of the night ceased into a plaintive silence.

* * *

On their last night in the city, when Relena finally stretched after finishing all of her work, she looked up to find Heero was deep asleep on the usual chair nearby her desk. She smiled and approached Heero as silent as she could, only to find that the young man's arm burned under her touch. She frowned in disapproval, he had been overexerting again. Dismayed, she unwillingly shook Heero gently, "Heero, wake up. Get on to the bed, you're burning up. Come on, get up, get to bed. I'll have Claudia to get you some medicine."

Heero stirred and groaned, fluttering open his heavy eyelids as his eyes glazed under fever. "I'm fine."

"No you're not," Relena rebuked, voice firm. "Move to the bed. You're burning up. Come on. It's an order, Heero. I don't accept a no."

Moaning softly, Heero rose to his feet and swayed slightly, slowly stumbling to the single bed by the wall. Relena made no attempt to assist him, she knew him well enough not to make a gesture that admitting his 'weaknesses'. She would only run to his aid if he failed to make it safely to the bed.

Heero collapsed on to the bed with a heavy sigh, already half asleep. Relena gently tucked the blanket over his body, her palm touching his forehead to measure the fever. It felt like a candle light being put right under her palm. She then swarmed around the bathroom and filled a small basin with cold water and doused a clean cloth in it. She walked back to Heero's bed, and put the wet cloth on his forehead.

"Why am I the one who's taking care of you? It should be the other way around," she rebuked playfully, and Heero opened his eyes, conveying a silent apology. "Didn't I tell you to not to over work yourself? Really, Heero, you should have known better."

"I'm sorry," Heero murmured, making an attempt to sit up but was pushed back gently into the pillow by Relena. "I miscalculate my body strength."

"Even when you're sick you're still as calculating and technical as you were on your feet…" Relena muttered, slightly annoyed. She reached for a phone on a small table beside Heero's bed which separating the two beds, calling for her secretary's room. "Don't sleep yet. You have to drink medicine. Just hold on a little longer."

"Hn," was all Heero gave in response, relaxing into the cold the wet cloth giving him. "I'll be fine."

"I know you will," Relena snorted. "As if Heero Yuy would be defeated by some fever."

A smirk tugged Heero's lips. "You know me well."

"Not as well as you know me…" said Relena softly, a small pang of emotion jabbed her chest painfully. She painfully aware that _she_ barely knew everything about him, even after all these years and the coexistence they spent together. In contradiction, _he_ knew her inside and outside; her deepest thoughts, her sacred feelings, he would only need one look into her eyes and he would comfort her with his warm and strong squeeze; and she would feel safe. He had never needed any words to offer her his comfort. His presence alone had made her feel complete; she was happy, she was grateful.

"Would you open more to me, Heero?" Relena whispered; it was a silent plea of desperation. "Would you let me into your life, as I have let you to be the only one who understands me the most? Would you let me be your pillar when you fall? I want to take care of you, Heero. I don't want you take the entire burden on yourself. Let me, Heero." _Let me into your heart. I love you, Heero. I love you._

Even under the burning fever, Heero's eyes managed to keep its sharp and bright look. His voice was soft when he spoke, steady and calm, "I need time, Relena. I'm in the process. You're guiding me right now. Please understand that you are important to me. Emotions are tiring, but I'm pulling through. I'm trying my best to be a whole person. I'm aware I'm not perfect, and you are here to make me better. And I'm thankful for that."

Relena nodded and smiled. "Thank you for letting me know that, Heero. This is as what you said, isn't it? Mutual understanding."

"Hn." Heero nodded, giving Relena's arm a reassuring grip before retreating it to the cloth on his forehead. "The cloth is already hot."

Relena grumbled playfully, taking the cloth and wetted it again with water before putting it back. But she was relieved. She finally knew that she had her chance, she had a place in his heart, and she would willingly wait and help the young man with all her might to become a whole person.

_Because,_ she noted in her mind, a small laugh escaped her throat as she realised in her mind, _Heero has made me a whole person. I'm complete. You make me a better individual, with all your weaknesses and strength._

_I will wait for you, to eternity if needed._

* * *

_Brussels, March 24, AC 200  
_

_0045 hours_

The steady beep of a heart monitor and hums from the life support machines filled the dark private ICU room. Relena took a deep breath, once again reached her hand to the limp, lifeless hand in the bed. His hand was soft and cold, yet it was warm at the same time. She looked at Heero's face mournfully, a single tear dropped down her cheek. An oxygen tube was attached under his nostrils, aiding his breathing as he recovered from major surgery. Relena studied the monitor above Heero's bed. It showed his vitals' signs; his heartbeat a little slow and his blood pressure were slightly under normal. They had eventually to replace his liver, and with Relena's influence, they were able to get the matching organ and the doctors wasted no more time. His handsome face was marred with small cuts, expressionless, lost in oblivious slumber. He looked so young; and Relena couldn't help but smiled at his peaceful expression.

She leaned forward, her other hand caressed his face tenderly. Heero had come a long way through the war. She was so proud of him; that one moment that was only her privilege to see the real him. It was that night on Libra; at the end of the Eve War. The way he looked at her then, moments before launching in his Gundam, was something she would never forget for her life. She had never seen his eyes so expressive before; so full of passion and warmth. She begged him not to go, not to fight, not to leave her; but Heero asked her to believe in him, to believe in his ability to put an end once for all to end the war. _Please let me go,_ he asked her softly, and she let him, finally trusting him to be able to save the world and make it out alive.

As the cockpit's hatch closed over him, Relena saw his eyes glimmered in such strong emotions. He was so beautiful; truly remarkable in every way. It was her first time she had the privilege seeing Heero Yuy in that way; really seeing him under the mask of the heartless and callous perfect soldier: an individual with a vast heart, feeling, passionate… _humane_. He had taken a giant leap in his short life; a mere 16 year old boy, much way too mature and wise beyond his age, but in the same time was so naïve in the false belief of adult. She knew that instant that he needed her, to guide and show him the beautiful way of life in peace, to contribute with what power he possessed in him to protect what he had saved. _He was so pure, but so intense, and so kind._

Relena gave Heero's lifeless hand a tight squeeze before retreating back, and made her way to an emergency bed specifically prepared for her in the room. The kind doctor had told her that Heero had passed the critical situation, and all they had to do now is to wait for his body reaction to the new organ. The doctor assumed that the young agent would not regain consciousness until two days, approximately. She then had requested Claudia to arrange for her a small desk to be prepared in Heero's hospital room in the floor nursing unit, and that she was to bring all her work and her laptop there. She would not leave Heero. She wanted herself to be the first he saw when he opened his eyes.

Relena took off her cardigan and propped herself under the thin blanket in the small bed. She turned to Heero, whispering softly, "Goodnight, Heero," and let herself fell into an exhausted slumber, relieved that Heero was there – with her, alive.

It was all mattered for now.

* * *

_March 27, AC 200  
_

_0600 hours_

It was dark.

He was in the pit of nothing; in the darkness, engulfed in a comfortable nothingness. He wasn't cold, nor wasn't he hot. He felt nothing, just floating in the depth of the darkness. It was soothing and comfortable. He liked it.

But then he could hear muffled voices around him. Blurred words, depicting no sense that he could not understand. But he didn't care. Though, the voices were bothering him. He wanted to be left alone; not to hear, not to feel anything. Of course the voices didn't stop…

The blanket of the darkness began to dissipate around him. Real sounds came to his ears as he slowly coming back into the land of living. At first, he was numb. But with each passing second, he could already feel the suffocating pain coursed through his whole body. He felt a burnt on his chest and his abdomen, something was wrong…

He struggled to open his eyes, to register his surroundings, so he could make out the shapes surrounding him. He felt horribly nauseous; the burning feeling in his chest wouldn't go. His eyelids were so heavy, protesting not to open, but he had to take in his status. _How is the mission…?_

The sounds around him were now much clearer. Murmurs, as if they were trying not to wake him up. His eyelids lifted halfway, revealing a tiny slit of his deep blue eyes. Everything was a blur, and he blinked to gain a clearer view into his vision. He could make out a figure in white clothes, apparently talking to his companion. _A girl_ , he concluded. _Long hair… Re… Relena…?_

"Re… Relena…" he croaked; his voice was hoarse. It hurt to talk. Damn, it hurt _to_ breathe. "Are… you…"

Relena gasped as she turned around sharply and rushed to the bed. "Oh God, you're awake! Thank God… oh, Heero! We were so worried!"

He felt a soft hand grabbed his, gripping it tightly. Relena's body rocked from her sobs, but nevertheless she smiled. She reached her second hand to Heero's hair, stroking it gently. "It's alright, Heero, you're going to be okay. How are you feeling?"

Heero blinked, couldn't find the strength to answer her. He moved his fingers in Relena's hand to tell her that he was okay, but the fact that all he could do was to muster all of his energy into that simple movement told him that he wasn't okay.

"Agent Yuy?" another voice called him, and his eyes turned to the person behind Relena, a man in his forties with a white coat. "Can you understand me?"

Heero nodded slowly, already exhausted. The doctor smiled knowingly and walked to his other side, placing a hand on his arm.

"You are in the Preventer's hospital," the doctor elaborated slowly. "You were shot in the chest and stomach. We have removed the bullets, but one grazed your lungs, and the other two hit your liver. You were required to take organ transplantation for your liver." The doctor stopped, waiting if his patient had caught his explanation.

Heero blinked again, and nodded slowly. He was beyond tired, his eyes were heavy and his aching body demanded him to rest. But he needed to know what had happened…

"I'll keep it short," said the doctor, noticing that his patient was already in his limit. "The surgery was successful, but you should not expect to be back to your former condition for a few months. We will take strict observation to see your body to adjust with the transplanted organ, and the massive loss of blood for a few hours did some damage to your body cells. All I want to say for now is just take it easy, take a lot of rest. Further details should be given after you're feeling better."

Heero's eyes turned to Relena, his lips shakily whispering, "Wu... fei? Duo...?"

"Duo and Wufei are all right. They're unscathed," Relena gave him a reassuring smile. "Go back to sleep, Heero. We all will be here when you wake up."

But even before Relena had finished talking, Heero already slipped back into consciousness, his breathing was slightly laboured. The doctor sighed, and made his way to the door.

"He's okay for now," the doctor said. "His vital signs are good. He's doing quite well."

Relena nodded thankfully, and returned to her chair beside the bed, preparing herself for the long wait.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Taken from the Prologue chapter of the Frozen Teardrop novel.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heero regained consciousness, but it turned out that the enemy wasn't one to underestimate with.

_Cochem, Rhineland-Palatinate, Germany_

_May, AC 198_

Spring was Relena's favourite season. She loved the blooming flowers and how every living being waking up from their long sleep from the winter. This year, she chose Cochem as her run agate; a small town in Germany near the border of Luxembourg – surrounded by breathe taking sceneries of beautiful mountains and rivers. Though it was a small town, there was plenty to see and do. The town was fascinating with the very well preserved historic architecture, spanning from Medieval ages to the late nineteenth century.

Her favourite spot to spend an evening was the Cochem Reichburg Imperial Castle that stood high on a hill, and it was the town's most significant impressive site. She could see the impressive view of the whole town with the Moselle River cleaving it into two. She would then bring along her dinner to eat it while watching the sunset. But, most of all, the company of Heero was the one that made her whole runaway perfect.

She would ask her usual question, "What do you see beyond the horizon today, Heero?"

Heero looked thoughtful for a moment, calculating as ever. He turned to the window, and the glowing dusk radiating him with a warm ray of orange and purplish shade that made him as if illuminated – his slightly Asian features, with traces of a few generations of Asian-Caucasian cross-cultural breeding, made him for an exotic and striking combination. He was so handsome, and his dark-brooding aura added his prodigious charm.

"Light," he concluded. "Warm lights from the life of people beneath."

Relena followed his gaze, and nodded. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Do you see the radiance as the form of human hearts?" Relena tried to peek more into his notions.

"No." His answer was immediate and without hesitation. "Human hearts are not that beautiful. The mere existence of people alive out there is beautiful, Relena, but it doesn't make them beautiful. The radiance of the sunset is just simply representing the light of lives."

"Our existence and our hearts are simply something different?" Relena prompted.

"Humans are wicked," Heero told her for the umpteenth time. "But lives are shining like that sun, making this world alive and colourful. Giving this world the life it needs."

"So you no longer value life as cheap?" Relena teased him.

"It will always be," he said calmly, a distant look evidence on his eyes.

"Why?"

"One dies, another born. That was my definition of life is cheap, including mine. But one's life…" he paused, turning at her with a solemn expression, "I value them."

"Then what makes you think that yours is different?" Relena was genuinely concerned; but curiosity took the best of her.

"I am a soldier," Heero said, carefully choosing his words. "My purpose is to fight to end the war. My role has ended. I have no more value in this world of peace."

Relena blinked, and then glared at the ex-Gundam pilot disapprovingly. "That's nonsense, Heero. You are actually very valuable. You saved the world; you created the peace everyone was desperately carving for. Your role has ended? No, you're wrong. You're the symbol of hope for people, Heero. Contradictory, your role has just begun. The journey of your true life has just begun."

"I have neither right nor qualification to become humanity's hope. My hands are stained with the blood of people I killed. I cannot let these hands to smear what little concord left in this world." Heero pointed his finger to the slowly drowning sun in the distance. "Look at that. If there's someone that can be people's hope then it is you, Relena. You rise to shine your light at the beginning of the day and you guard the people by the end of the day, just like the sun in the horizon."

"Do you realise something after all you've been through, Heero? Let me tell you something." She reached for Heero's arm, resting her hand gently against his warm and soft skin. "Let me tell you the truth. You are my sun, Heero. You are my light at the beginning of the day and you are my sunset beyond the darkness of the night."

Heero frowned, trying to conceive her meaning. "Why?"

"You're my strength," Relena confessed, her voice was soft and she smiled. "I won't be able to stand on my own without you. When I lost my resolve, you were always the one to courage me. When I fell desperate, you were the only one who brought me back on my feet; you were always by my side to overcome all of my fears and hesitations. You told me to live my life with my emotion. With everything you've been through, you opened my eyes to the other world beyond my reach; you made me understand the heart of people, you gave me other lots of point of view regarding this life. Despite anything you said about yourself, I feel different. I cannot imagine what would I become, or how would I face this complicated world without you on my back. You are my strength," she repeated, squeezing Heero's arm. She perked her finger to the blackening sky. "If you don't agree with me, then let's try to see it like this: I might be the sun, but you're the sky that covering the whole earth; watching over me, over us." She cocked her head in anticipation, chuckling. "What do you think of that, Heero?"

The young man was deep in his own whirling thoughts and emotions, trying to assert them into a coherent one. Finally, he replied quietly, "That would be a very big responsibility I might not able to accomplish." He gave a light touch on her shoulder before added soberly, "But I can always try."

Relena nodded knowingly, and they continued to eat their dinner in insouciance silence, watching as the sky slowly turning from the dark purple shade into a complete black.

She wouldn't have to worry. If Heero was willing to try, then it was up to her to guide him through his emotions and to survive his own existence.

* * *

  
_Brussels, March 27, AC 200_

_2200 hours_

For Quatre Winner, Heero Yuy was the greatest brother-in-arm and the best comrade one could ever ask.

With his uncanny ability to feel people's emotions, Quatre could fathom the inimitable of Heero's demeanour and actions better than the other pilots. During the war, he could sense waves of warmth and kindness from within the Wing Zero pilot, however dull it was under Heero's perfect soldier mask. Quatre even suspected that Heero might be the most humane between the five of them.

Taking a deep breath, Quatre turned Heero's hospital door knob slowly. Relena looked up from her papers and laptop, and smiled upon realising Quatre's figure.

"Relena," Quatre said softly, taking her one hand in and kissed it. "It's good to see you. How have you been? I'm sorry I couldn't make it sooner, I'm afraid that my schedule has been hectic lately."

"Not at all, Quatre, thank you for coming. Please, have a seat," Relena gestured to the empty couch by the window. "I'm doing fine. Did you met with Trowa and the others?"

"Yes, he's down at the cafeteria, said will be joining us shortly after buying some snacks for you. Wufei's waiting for Duo, he got a little business in the headquarters." Quatre plopped down to the plastic chair beside the bed in the centre of the room instead. Quatre studied Heero's lying figure, the oxygen tube had been removed. But Quatre noticed the breathing still laboured; coming out in faint wheezes. "How is he?"

Relena gathered her papers and closed her laptop, joining Quatre. "He woke up sometime in the morning, but the doctors are keeping him sedated for a little longer to give his lungs more time to recuperate properly before back into a more strenuous activity." She carefully adjusted the blanket to cover up Heero's chest. "So far, his body is accepting the liver, but they can't decide for now. They told me recovery after liver transplantation can be a long and slow process, he will be still kept under close monitor of his bodily functions, regular blood testing, and in time allowing eating, and then initiate physical therapy and activity to help regain his muscle strength. He's being given some particular medicine to prevent rejection intravenously," she gestured to the IV lines attached to Heero's arm, "others are given by mouth and eventually all medications are given by mouth."

"You're doing so well, Heero," Quatre murmured quietly, an indescribable feeling of joy filled his heart. _I'm glad… Heero's alive. He's alive. Thank God…_

"He will have frequent blood tests and other exams to monitor liver function and detect any evidence of rejection or infection in the new liver, during the first six weeks after transplantation," Relena looked up to Quatre, her expression was distraught. "Quatre, he… he will need to take immunosuppressant for the rest of his life."

Quatre blinked at this. "A medication for the rest of his _life?_ "

"Yes," the young vice minister conceded. "I was told that he will have regular follow-up appointments to monitor his progress. During these appointments, he will have tests to assess his liver and kidney function, and to check the level of that immunosuppressant in the blood. Then they told me what it was."

"So there's always a chance that Heero would not be back to his former shape?"

"Yes," the young woman concurred, "because there is always a risk that his body will recognise the new liver as foreign and his immune system will attack it… that's what they called as rejection."

A long silence filled the room. The young blond businessman shivered when he sensed an overwhelming dread coming from the young woman, and he instinctively cupped Relena's hands in his, trying to give comfort she was needed.

"Duo told us that Heero has changed, Relena," Quatre said gently. "Ever since he became your bodyguard, he changed."

"'Us'?"

"You don't think that we're not keeping touch each other, do you?" Quatre chuckled. "Duo told us that Heero… his perspective of life changed because you showed him the colour of our world, Relena."

"He actually engages in casual conversation with all of you?" Relena asked in awe. "Really?"

"He does," the blond young man agreed. "But I'm sure he's not as open to us as he is with you. He just… becomes normal, I think. In our standard. At least, he isn't the zipped mouth Heero again. Though some of his characteristics didn't change, but, yes, we like the current him a lot better."

"We talk a lot," Relena admitted. "About life, about human, about the world, our feelings… Quatre, I've seen the real Heero Yuy. On Libra… I saw the real him. He's so full of emotions, positive emotions, his heart is so vast… I saw it on his eyes. He was so passionate, so warm, so… loving. I don't know how, but I felt it. Even now I'm feeling it. He still has this tendency to look down of his own life, but… he talked. You might not know how much he means to me, Quatre. Oh, how lost would I be if it wasn't for his endless support! I'm so worried… he was always so strong, and to see him like this, I… just… oh, God, I'm so worried… we almost lost him!" Relena sobbed wretchedly, and buried her face in her hands.

"But thank Allah the almighty that he's here, with us, alive, Relena," said Quatre softly, carefully taking Relena into his embrace, stroking her back gently. "That's all mattered now. He's here. Alive. With us."

Relena nodded vaguely, letting herself fell on Quatre's shoulder, accepting the genuine offer of comfort she was badly needed.

* * *

  
It wasn't because of waiting for Duo that Trowa and Wufei decided not to join Quatre. In fact, it was on agreement that Quatre will keep Relena in company and to distract her mind from the absence of the other remaining ex pilots.

Une was literally a mess when she arrived with Duo.

"The president and the ministers are pushing it on me," Une said blearily, running a hand through her crumpled hair, "so I was really having a very rough time, but I'll manage. I know it was my fault that I let my guard down, and look at how it almost took one casualty that would definitely throw me right into death sentence."

"You should not take it too harsh on yourself. All of us have our own credit for everything happened," Wufei rebuked curtly. "What is it that you insist not to let Darlian into whatever is this?"

"I just don't want to put more weigh and pressure on her. She has her hands full already with the disastrous outcome from our failed ambush," Une straightened herself. "And following with Yuy's collapse, no, I'd rather not to let her know. Yuy's doctors told me something that had me disconcerted since… regarding his gunshot wounds."

That caught the entire ex-pilots' full attention.

"Looking from the clean penetration of the bullets, it was by no luck that the bullets hit his chest and abdomen," said Une grimly. "They said that it were very calculated shots. Whoever triggered the pull, he was an expert and he knew what he was doing. The one that grazed his lung, yes, it was a mere missing shot meant to aim his heart, and the fact that two bullets hit his liver… it was intended. It was a clean wound."

Duo groaned. "Well, tell you what? We're fucked up."

"Relena doesn't need to know this," Trowa admitted, "for now. She's had enough as it is."

"Hell, yeah, we'll do all the dirty actions, the princess will just do what she has to do," Duo muttered jadedly. "So he will be put off on medical leave for indefinite time?"

"What else can I do? He just got his liver transplanted, Duo. Normal recovery usually takes approximately a year. Knowing him as he is, he probably will make it faster, but I can't deny his other permanent health authenticities."

The silence that followed was almost demented.

"I should go now," Trowa finally broke the silence, rising to his feet. "Who's coming?"

"I'll go back to the headquarters with Une," Wufei joined Une's side. "You two go to look after for Yuy and Darlian. Keep me apprised of his progress, Maxwell."

Duo nodded wearily. "Sure," he said, voice gruff from exhaustion. "Come on then, Trowa."

* * *

  
_March 28, AC 200_

_0800 hours_

Consciousness slowly seeped into his brain and senses, urging him to wake up and assess any possible damages he might had sustained…

He finally opened his eyes.

A few rays of warm morning sunlight fell on his face; giving him a comfortable feeling. His eyes scanned the surroundings carefully. He was in hospital. Images of his last memories flashed in front of his eyes, and he deduced bitterly, Failure. Complete failure. The mission was a complete failure… Disgraceful.

"Hey ya there, buddy," a cheerful voice thick with an American southern accent greeted him, and Duo Maxwell's grinning face came into his field of vision. "Welcome back to the land of living."

Heero gave Duo his most deadly glare when he couldn't find any strength to sit up, well curse _that_ – it even hurt to breath! He suppressed the urge to let out groan, refusing to give up to the queasiness building up in his stomach. But Duo wasn't chosen as his partner for nothing. The braided man reached for a small paper cup filled with warm water, and gave it to the injured man. Heero considered the small gesture of succour, and finally resigned to the fact that he was in no position to dishonour the kind act.

"Jesus, Heero, stop being such a knuckle head," Duo sighed, seating himself on the plastic chair beside Heero's bed and pushed a button to lift up the upper part of the bed so Heero could lay in a sitting position. "Don't gimme that glare – I didn't shoot you. Drink it, it will help cease the nausea."

Heero grumbled as he did as he was told to, his eyes fell on a figure sleeping in the small additional bed by the window. Long blonde hair, soft face lines, manicured nails curled against her cheeks…

"Relena," Heero whispered quietly; the name tasted so delicately jovial on his tongue. "She knew - ?"

Duo scoffed. "Of course she knew. You wouldn't expect the Preventer not saying any little piece of information of this to the Vice Minister, would you, especially after one of our commanders had been shot almost to death? Naw, don't worry, not the whole thing, but yanno, just the details of your health – "

"Status?" Heero interrupted curtly. Duo gaped numbly for a moment before sighing in defeat.

"Fine," Duo snapped petulantly, clearly annoyed. "One grazed your lung, two got your liver. Went under thoracotomy due a traumatic pneumothorax; liver transplantation was done at March 24, 0000 hours. Regained brief consciousness on March 27, 0600 hours, before being put under sedative again to give your lungs more time to recuperate properly. You were cleared from ICU on 27, 0400 hours."

"Casualties?"

"Immunosuppressant. Physiotherapy. Organ rejection. Regular follow-up appointments. Possible transplant complications and medication side effects will include haemorrhage, thrombosis, or recurrent disease such as Hepatitis C. Immunosuppressive medications are required for the rest of your life – all complaints heeded. Well, those are the pretty much commons I can give you. Princess will provide you with the rest of the details."

Heero's expression was eerily calm. "An entire life medication. _Unacceptable."_

Duo glared at his partner. "None of that shit, Heero."

"I failed," said Heero quietly, his Prussian blue eyes gazed at Relena's sleeping form; an inconsolable expression washed his entire feature. "I failed her. I failed all of you. A complete failure. I was acting on my personal judgment. I was… a failure." He closed his eyes, resting back against his pillows. "What was my sentence?"

"There was no sentence," Duo barked as quiet as possible so he would not wake up Relena. "Fuck, Heero, don't be stupid! If it wasn't for your order for the rest of the squad to hold back behind us, dozens of our best field agents would have dead! You just took all the blames by all yourself, like usual, you fucking bastard! I don't like where this self-loathing go – "

"I miscalculated and it produced a bigger casualties – a failed ambush. I was at the responsibility that the threat now officially, albeit secretively, preceded."

"How could you come to this ridiculous denouement when even Une herself didn't know we were sabotaged – "

"I was your commander. I should have looked at situations more thoroughly and take absolute precautions before executing any infiltrating missions. I'm sorry."

"Damn it, _Yuy_ , I ain't hearing this nonsense shit anymore – "

_"Enough!"_

Their raising voice had awakened Relena. The young politician glared at the two Preventer agents with tantrum raged in her eyes; directed specifically to the young Preventer commander in the hospital bed.

"Duo – would you please be so kind to leave me and Heero alone for a moment?" Relena took a deep breath. Duo glowered at Heero who returned the threatening glare evenly, never losing his cool and calm composure. Finally, Duo turned away; his arms crossed firmly against his chest. Relena waited until the door closed before occupying the empty plastic chair.

"You're human, Heero," said Relena to the point, not bothering with useless chatter. She tried to peek into the deep blue eyes; searching for reasoning and emotions within it. "How come you go back to this point again? Does everything we share together until now mean nothing to you? Talk, please, talk to me, Heero. Talk. I need you to talk to make me understand. You said you're in the process, to be a whole person; that I'm the one who's guiding you. If it's really so, then where did I go wrong? Please, tell me. What did I do wrong?"

Heero cast his gaze onto his lap, looking solemn. "You did no wrong to me, Relena. I am like a fish out of water… I have always been. I am aware of that, but I am fully understand that fighting is the only thing I am good at. I cannot even keep my own vow not to kill again… not while the only thing I can offer to this world is my ability to fight and thus to kill. The circle is always repeated. It is so contradictory. We fight in the name of peace, but we do crimes and injustices with executing those who or what threaten that peace. Where did human go wrong, Relena? This kind of rumination will not leave my mind."

Relena grabbed Heero's hand, silently requesting for an eye contact with the injured man. "I may not be able to give you the right answer for I myself is just a mere human, Heero. But I can offer you my rumination. Human went wrong since power dwelled into them. When people possess power, they forget the land their feet stand on, Heero, because rationality can't win the peculiar feeling of dominance once you've got it in your hand. They will only yearn for it more and more.

"But you, with so much power you bear in yourself – no, it had never crossed your mind, the slightest intention to abuse that power. It's because you, Heero Yuy, have the most virtuous heart I've ever seen. Despite how you always said that you're stained with blood of war – don't deny it," Relena swung her finger warningly when Heero opened his mouth, "remember how much you came to my rescue whenever the situation called. Remember how you have never failed to fix things, things that make us strive forward. Heero, all of us sinned. All of us have our own fair share of bad things we did, past or present. But why should it make you more evil? Why being a priest should make you less evil? No.

"You said yourself fighting is the only thing you're good at. And look where that fight leads to – another additional foundation of peace in our fragile and ramshackle world. You protect me. You protect your friends. You protect your subordinates. You protect us. You're both our weapons and shield, but even weapons need their own shield. So please, Heero, let us be your shield. Would you please open your heart and mind, and accept us? Let us into your life. Let us see you. Let us understand you. Let us make clear that you're not alone, that you have me and the others beside and behind you."

The Prussian blue eyes shone with relief and gratitude. He then threw his glance to the rising sun out the window. "The sun seems to agree with us."

Relena chuckled at his yet another whimsical analogy and asked eagerly, "Why is it?"

Heero offered one of his rare, genuine smile as his deep voice penetrated through Relena's heart, "It shines from the warmth of human lives."

Relena quirked an eyebrow. "I thought you're fixed to theories."

There was a sly smirk. "I am an enigma."

Relena blinked and slapped a hand behind Heero's head playfully. "I will suit with myself about that, thank you!"

"… But I learned from the best." The young man deadpanned.

 _"Heero Yuy!"_ Relena groaned, and Heero let out a soft laugh before stopped suddenly, grimacing painfully. Relena's face quickly paled, "Oh God, are you alright? I should call the nurse!"

"Not necessary," Heero shook his head. "Now I know I should not choose again to be shot on the stomach. It disrupts my process," he devised with a serious look.

"What does that even mean?"

"Emotions are tiring, but this is more tiring. I don't like being disrupted."

"And I don't like being left out! This is a direct order, Commander. You and Commander Une are to report to me directly."

"This conversation is getting jumpy," Heero decided with a hint of amusement in his voice. "But your orders are clear. Understood, Vice Minister."

"You really are an enigma," Relena whined, proceeding to push the button above Heero's bed to call a nurse.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relena helped him open his mind and heart to accept his own self as it is. She helped Heero recognise that he wasn't entirely inhuman, after all. Meanwhile, an anonymous tip Heero received began to open some tight curtains regarding the new threats.

_ESUN Government Headquarters Building, Brussels_

_February, AC 196_

_1600 hours_

_This_ outcome never had passed even slightly in Relena's mind.

All was, could be said, well, in some people's favour. For the moment being, at least. Relena glanced at the desk across the quiet room. She was sitting hunched over piles of paperwork inside the large office room, in a comfortable armchair, with a big wooden table stood before it. The room slowly darkened as did the skies outside, and the sun gradually setting over the city of Brussels. She stretched her numb arms over her head, and rose to her feet to the lamp switch near by the door.

The light from the fluorescent lamp lit the room, and Relena heaved a deep sigh as she approached the other smaller desk. Heero Yuy was sitting perfectly still on the office chair, his intense Prussian blue eyes were fixated to the PC monitor standing in front of him while his fingers ran across the keyboard expertly; stacks of folders neatly piled beside the monitor. His gaze shifted up to her, acknowledging her presence; his calm and cold expression never wavering in the slightest.

Relena smiled nervously. Even though it was already almost two months she had been spending time together with him and already knew by the heart that it was simply his natural complexion, not some kind of literal expression of his feelings; his distant, dark-brooding aura never failed to make her feel… demented, a kind of strange one that she couldn't describe. She would feel her whole body heat raising and her heart thundering against her chest…

"What is it?" Despite his somehow unfriendly and cold appearance, his voice and eyes were surprisingly soft. His deep blue eyes stared expectantly to her, patient.

And as usual, all her anxiety and uneasiness washed away instantly upon his encouraging response. "It's Friday, and I figure that you may want to have a dinner out with me."

His eyes darted back to his monitor, calculating. "What time will we go?"

And Relena understood his troubled question. "Heero – it's not an order, it's a request. If you don't want to go, it's fine."

Heero frowned, looking at her in suspicion. "Why?"

Relena shifted uncomfortably, but she shrugged it away with a small smile. "Because I want to."

"Why?"

"Why?" Relena repeated dumbly.

"Why do you want to go with me?" The Wing Zero ex-pilot's expression had turned to be irritated – because he couldn't understand.

"I just want to."

"But why?" Heero's eyes narrowed, trying to fathom the young politician's true motive.

"I just…want to talk. About many things. Heero, there are still so many things I don't understand about our new obtained peace. I know this is selfish of me, of us – but I can't deny that I still need your help, Heero."

The suspicious look on those glimmering Prussian blue eyes was gone. "I don't think I am the right person to talk. If anything, it should be Quatre."

Relena shook her head. "I need your perspective, Heero. I need to understand the world and people beyond my reach. I honestly think that you are the most reliable person to do with."

Heero let out a frustrated sigh. "Can't we just order something and eat in here and do the talk here?"

"Um… okay?"

"I have to finish these." Heero said indifferently, nodding at the folder piles on his desk. "I have to complete all of your security clearances for the colony visit next week."

"You really need to ease for a bit, Heero," Relena suggested. "Don't worry. I have Agent Moris for that. You know, you can say just no if you don't want to."

"It's not like that. I just feel it would be more efficient in here. Besides, I cannot let Agent Moris – "

_Ah. Ever the pragmatic Heero Yuy._

"Of course you can," Relena said almost desperately, "please?"

Now how could he deny if she was practically begging to _him? Her_ , who had given him an end goal to keep living?

"Hn." Was all he could offer as his 'yes'. He was never a man of words, he was a man of action.

His heart did a little jump upon seeing her smile, and he quickly turned back to his work, scowling in annoyance at his body reaction.

_Talk about a man of action..._

* * *

_War._

It was something he was so used to be; it was as if he was already the inseparable part of it. And now, in the time of peace, memories came to haunt him – he was completely vulnerable.

He had always liked to operate alone, and it was with no reason. He was afraid that people would see his biggest weakness. Getting closer to people and eventually formed a relationship with them was one of the things he avoided the most. Getting attached to someone was a hindrance to his missions, and he could not afford to fail. Emotions could not be accepted for the sake of the missions. He was afraid of failure, because if he failed, then he had nothing left to do – one failure meant everything would be over and then he would be just another unnamed soldier. He would be cannot be used, and he would lose his purpose of living. He didn't mind of dying, but the thought that the world would be still in chaos while he _had_ the power to change the world into a better one – it devastated him. And everything changed on the day he first met Relena; how the girl seemed to be chasing him around the world. Her persistent presence around him, at first, was indeed a hindrance to him, but through the time he realised that she had the same goal, the mutual feeling to bring peace to this twisted world; and he respected her view of pacifism and became determined to make it true. He realised that he couldn't fight alone – after all this time, he never was alone. He had Duo, Trowa, and Wufei, and they had proved to him that they were the powers he needed – their support during the toughest moment of his last decision were his foundation of resolve. And then, in the afterward of Mariemaia uprising, once again he had come to _her_ rescue; the price had come with her seeing his biggest weakness…

His mind jumped back to the events after the battle of the ESUN capital.

He had fired the Wing Zero's twin buster rifle for the third time onto the bunkered presidential building. However, the continuous recoil of the rifle, along with the enemy fire from the compound below proved to be too much for the already his badly-damaged Wing Zero to withstand, causing his Gundam to start falling apart while firing the second shot and then exploded altogether while firing the third shot. Though the remains of its torso somehow managed to stay intact, nonetheless it foundered to the ground in a hazard crash and explosions. He, with some miracle, managed to survive the crash and climbed out of the wreckage to the crushed building, where he finally collapsed into Relena's arms – unable to hold any longer the nasty injuries he had sustained – but not before his reeling mind revealed his deepest guilt and despair.

A few blurred words, depicting a dreadful sense into Relena. She _saw_ him.

_With this… I will not have to kill again…_

He hated being in the crowd of people. Looking closely and remembering their faces made him difficult to forget. The sounds of gunshots and explosions blared in the back of his mind. It was so hard for him to forget the dead-twisted and mutilated forms of _his_ victims. Of course he was trained to be desensitised to it, but the emptiness of their eyes left a dread running through his veins, shaking him to the core. They were empty mirrors, and he was framed in the reflection.

_The emptiness. The lifelessness. It was overwhelming and he could not escape from it. Attacking every part of his sanity from every direction._

When he awoke, he was laying on a hospital bed. The room was dark, but it wasn't the darkness that made him suffocate in that dreadful feeling running amuck in his mind: it was the deafening silence that made him succumb to his deepest fear – the sedative he was given had trapped him in the nightmares he had been trying to avoid at all costs.

He could hear his own voice tore through the quiet night, then his door blasted open, and gentle yet firm hands collected him into its embrace. He broke into wretched sobs; his whole body trembling, and his lips subconsciously moaning broken apologies to unnamed people, _"I killed you… your dog… my mistake… failure… I'm so sorry… murderer… killer… I'm so sorry… failure… I'm so sorry…"_

A soft hand squeezed his tightly. It was just one hand, but he held onto it like it was the only thing keeping him anchored to this earth. Melodious voice came into his ear, _"It's alright. It's over. You didn't kill anymore. You didn't kill her. You saved her. You saved us all. The mission is over, you succeeded."_

Yeah, he didn't kill _her._ He stopped killing. The mission was successful. He didn't fail, right? It was all over. He didn't kill. _He didn't kill anymore…_

The voice was so calming, assuring; dispelling his deepest nightmares.

_Relena._

Her kidnapping was a trigger for him. She was willing to die to for her beliefs, she didn't back down when the barrel of the gun was pointed to her. As long as human did not reach mutual understanding, real peace could not be obtained.

She was the reason that the people found a new purpose in life – _his_ reason to keep on living. He was a soldier; and a soldier didn't have a place in a world of peace. But Relena was the reason that he had a new purpose – an end goal. He knew he would always need an end goal to keep living. A new mission was passed to him: protect what Vice Foreign Minister Relena Darlian had created. Protect her and help her to build the new world of pacifism; to reach mutual understanding.

Then there was the sky. Oh God, _the sky_.

At times, the sky was his best company. During the war, in a mission break, he loved to lay his Gundam flat on the ground and then watched the stars from his cockpit seat, enjoying the quiet and peaceful night while recuperating after a demanding mission. His eyes would fixed on the dark sky while his sharp mind concluding mission report or calculating plan for his next mission. But…

The sky was vast and endless; and it brought him countless horrors that crashing down on top of him. What he could see as a tiny dot on the horizon could be a scene of dreadful carnage.

Planes, ships, mobile suits, carriers. Bombs, grenades, missiles, bullets. Any of one these things would turn the crowd of people into one massive sea of blood. These terrifying and exhausting scenarios replayed in an endless loop in his mind, refusing him to get little comfort to keep his mind straight.

He was a broken tool of war. _A broken soldier._ He was lost… his only purpose of living was to be a part of the Operation Meteor, to protect the colonies – as he was trained to be. He was expected to be dead in the war, not to survive it.

Everything changed since he met her… she was the only and one who had seen the real him, under his perfect soldier mask, and she gave him _comfort_ – and so he accepted the job offer; a position in Preventer special agent, and head of Vice Foreign Minister Relena Darlian's security. Maybe he was trying to atone for his sins killing millions of people. Or maybe he was simply trying to run away from the cruel realm of his mind, which was reminding him over and over of his failure.

The little girl and her little puppy was his failure. They trapped him in his guilt, but they were also the strain that kept what was left of his humanity.

Painful. His life had been always painful, and even the only vestige that made him humane was painful. He was afraid of losing his humanity completely, but Relena…

It was _her_ again. Her words reached him…

" _The fact that you are feeling these emotions bespeaks your humanity, Heero. It bespeaks your true heart; a pure one, strong yet weak at the same time, your remorse – you feel. That's the most important thing. If you don't feel, your soul is dead. But the veracity of your feeling, they are pure and honest. I can feel it. You have suffered for so much and so long, but you keep going forward on your emotions. That what makes you so strong. You have to forgive yourself or you might never be able to find peace. You're not alone. We all have our demons. We made mistakes, everyone did. We all have bloods in our hands. You have this gift to make the impossible possible. It's time to forget the past and to start looking forward. It will not be easy, because it's part of our past and what have made us now. But there are much more reasons out there that worth of living for. This transition would be very hard, but you're not alone. We're together in this. We support each other. That's friends what are for. Let me worry about you, let me be your support as you have been for me, for all of us, all this time."_

It was his first time to lose control over himself. It was bizarre how emotions could get the better of him when he wasn't on the battlefield. He did feel broken, couldn't fend for his own self or for the people he cared – no matter how few there was. Everything seemed to be his responsibilities; _his_ fault. The beginning of his guilt, anger, and sadness was that little girl and her dog. But it seemed that Relena knew so much of him than himself, she understood him better…

She had always seen him. And Heero knew that he needed to keep on fighting for her – and for everything they had accomplished together.

He would keep fighting, for he cared – he needed Relena to make himself understand.

* * *

Eventually they ended up having their dinner at a small and modest family restaurant in the countryside within a couple of miles from Brussels, with quiet and calming atmosphere. Heero was against the idea having his meal in the middle of crowd people, he always had – but as usual, Relena succeeded at taking him along at _his_ own will, though the main reason was of course that it was his job as Relena's head security that he obliged. But after arriving at the almost secluded area with only a few of people inside the diner, Heero couldn't complaint – it was homey and he liked it, though he would never admit it.

Heero scanned the perimeter, his eyes were narrow and focused – looking for any possible threat, but he finally resigned that the place was safe.

"They serve homey dishes, and their use of seasoning is light," Relena said. "What would you like, Heero?"

Heero's eyes didn't stop observing their surroundings. "Anything will do."

"I insist," Relena shoved the menu right into Heero's face, catching the latter off guard. Heero's gaze shifted to her for a brief moment, long enough to reprimand her with a silent glare before fixated to the menu.

"Fine," Heero mumbled, " _sole meunière frites."_ [1]

"Nice choice," Relena smiled. She waved to the old lady behind the counter, "The usual and a _sole meunière frites_ , please. And a glass of _kriek_ [2] and _…_ oh, or would you join me, Heero?"

Heero shook his head. "I don't drink. Coffee would do."

Relena nodded in understanding. "A _kriek_ and coffee then, please."

"Right away, Miss," the old lady smiled. Relena heaved a content sigh, leaning forward and resting her elbow on the table.

"I have made sure that Agent Moris will continue the paperwork as your instructions. You should not be worried about that. She is very capable of handling the jobs given to her."

"I will still have to approve it. I have to check on them myself before I submit the papers."

"I trust you," said Relena softly, "but for now let us just enjoy this relaxing night we rarely get. You've got no problem with your work, I hope?"

"No." Heero gave Relena a disapproval look. He wasn't happy – it wasn't that he ever looked happy, Relena had been having quite difficult time to read him – and Relena knew why. "I wasn't told of this. I will have to put this on the report."

"I know, I'm sorry. This won't happen again. I didn't mean to cause you trouble," Relena apologised sincerely. "Actually, I've been going to this place for my dinner for only just the last week. They've got the best home food in town. But it's not the foods that make me fond of this place. Look, Heero. The sun is set."

Heero furrowed his eyebrows in confusion upon her remark, before following the young woman's gaze to the outside window beside them. For a mere second, his breath caught in his throat at the view filled his sight.

"I know you would much appreciate it," Relena's soft voice penetrated through his dazed mind. "This is your first _real_ time to see it, right?"

"Yes." Heero breathed. The sky outside were bathed in a beautiful shade of purple and orange, illuminating the horizon. "The sun... it… reflects the life of the earth and its occupants."

He didn't realise until now that _it_ was what they were fighting for. This peaceful time, the innocent chatter around him, the light atmosphere and these mundane things he was able to do with her, these were what he was fighting for; what he had helped built. He continued to look at the breathtaking scenery solemnly; suddenly feeling like a heavy stone in his heart was removed. He felt _relieved_ ; this quiet atmosphere was making him… comfortable. These happy faces around him, the laughter… _he helped created this new world. His sacrifices were not in vain. His pain paid the right price._

"So _that_ what you see beyond the horizon," Relena surmised after a while, sounding satisfied. "What do you think?"

Heero's expression suddenly became troubled, realising that he had voiced his mind out loud; an agonised look was evidence on his Prussian blue eyes. "I think I've been feeling."

And the next second Relena blinked, she saw Heero regarding her silently, his usual stoic feature had slipped back perfectly into place.

"You surely have," said Relena quietly, offering a sober smile, "I feel _you,_ Heero. Care to share with me?"

Heero blinked, baffled at the sudden question. "What?"

"Talking helps," Relena suggested. "We're not on duty right now, so this is merely between two friends having their little precious time together, catching up each other. How do you think?"

Heero looked thoughtful, and finally said reluctantly, "I can try."

Relena clapped her hands in delight. "Great! But let us dig in first. Mm-hmm, yours does truly look very yummy…"

The young Preventer agent could only look blankly when the young politician shoved her fork to his meal, dumbfounded. Relena laughed good-heartedly, looking genuinely happy.

"Welcome home, Heero."

* * *

_March 30, AC 200_

_Preventer Brussels Headquarters, 0200 hours_

For Lady Une, Heero Yuy had been the strongest person she had ever known.

Soon after the Mariemaia incident, she was assigned as the Preventer commander, and the three ex-Gundam pilots' agents' – Duo Maxwell, Chang Wufei, and Heero Yuy – recruitment procedures were strictly and confidentially taken care by her.

Heero had inspired her. She drew her own strength from simply knowing that he was out there, still fighting for them, to protect what they had achieved together. It made her feel safe knowing that she had one of the most reliable person in her sleeve. Heero Yuy was indeed so strong, so remarkable in anything he did – his brilliance both in the battlefield and behind a desk in the office was truly perspicacious. He had first served in the Preventer as a private hacker in the CIA [3] department, giving him the privilege to the highest information of security access available in the Preventer database. His hacking skill was unmatched, making every job seem to be easy, and it was one of the most substantial basics to maintain the newly built and fragile government. Consented to fully support the new ESUN government, he was then officially appointed as Vice Minister Relena Darlian's security head and personal bodyguard.

But it wasn't for long. Only a mere three years later, the rebel groups uprising around the world forced Heero to resign as Relena's personal bodyguard to join the Preventer as a full-time senior special agent. His skills were needed more than ever – and had been bringing them to successful missions with providing tactical assault and invasion schemes for the field teams before, he was then quickly got promoted within a year of his service, got his own office and a team to lead. Not long, under his extremely strict command and extensive course of training, the Special Agent Yuy's team was reformed into a private and independent unit responsible for high-risk crimes including counterintelligence, famously known as the Black-Alpha Unit 1. Duo and Wufei had been assigned with their own team: they were placed in the criminal investigative division and counter terrorism division, respectively. Trowa Barton had chosen to continue his journey with the circus, ready to be a help anytime, and so did Quatre Winner, though the latter preferred to only provide the necessary information and resources with his extensive network connection.

And then, Heero Yuy was vaulted to the Preventer commander after successfully leading an extremely dangerous operation to stop illegal shipment of Gundanium materials.

If Lady Une was to be honest, she hated to depend on the Gundam pilots again. Whatever achievement they have accomplished during the war, they were still growing up _boys_. They have the right to live a peaceful life, to get their robbed childhood back – it was the adults' turn to continue their battle, to protect them. But Duo had dismissed her with a laugh, "Naw, we came to ya all by ourselves. It's really nothin'. Besides, _I_ think this is normal. I mean, we work publicly, legally, and we are paid. I get to buy any food I want every time! I hardly have any idea what to do with myself that suddenly everything's gone. Haffta to keep myself in shape, yanno. And look, this isn't even dangerous! _And_ everyone's nice." – that was followed by a low grunt and stiff nod of hesitant agreement from Wufei.

From the information gathered from the intel and Duo's dispatched sub-unit, they found out that the rebels were Martians. The undercover agent who was sent to infiltrate had been only able to cover his disguise for a month before assassinated. Une had not been suspicious for the 'agent' kept sending the Preventer regular report – there was nothing unusual within them. She even consulted with Heero and asked him to analyse the reports to see if they were derailed, but the young agent could find nothing. The reports had said that the rebels served no harm, they were just a bunch of amateurs. It was two months later that the 'agent' sent the final blow: the rebel group was moving through the border between Germany and Austria to Belgium; their target was the ESUN's Government Building; they were taking shelter in an abandoned building – complete with the exact point and rough blueprint of the said building.

Une had trusted Heero to lead the ambush, and he proposed a scheme with Duo and Wufei as his front subordinates. Though, when they arrived on the scene, Heero noticed something was not right and made a sudden change of plan, without telling the reason why. He had ordered one of his most trustworthy man-in-arms, Agent Dorian Klark, to send the headquarters encrypted SOS signal and request of backup. He then went inside the building only with Duo and Wufei and other four field agents, positioning the remaining troops outside the building – and the four agents instantly knew why their commander changed the plan – it was a trap.

Wufei had always complained about Heero's tendency to neglect his own safety, referring to Heero's consistent refusal to wear bullet proof vests during missions; insisting it was limiting his mobility. On the contrary, Heero always made sure that his agents _had_ dressed in Preventer's standard issued field attires, to the point to punish anyone who managed to disobey this particular order. That was probably because in most operations his men were always on the front line rather than himself. Thus, Heero was always the one equipped with minimum attire than the Preventer's standard issued ones, and it was no exception on the day of the big operation.

Something that Lady Une herself secretly admired – for her fellow young commander had always managed to stay intact through the dangerous missions he was sent to...

* * *

It was past midnight and Une was beyond tired. She skimmed helplessly over the report files sprawled over her desk, rubbing her tired eyes and let out a long sigh. The outcome of their failed ambush was a disaster to a point of ridiculous. There were no rebel _groups_ – it was presumed there were only about three until five suspects that were actually present in the crime scene. Heero's quick analysis and observation had saved them from massive casualties, at the cost of himself. That also prevented a tumult of disorder erupted among the public and citizens; and the last thing they need was a turmoil in the entire ESUN and colonies officials.

The entire world had indebted to him again.

A knock pounded on her door and Une blinked. Who was knocking her quarter at this kind of hour?

"Come in," she called wearily, straightening herself and tumbling with wrinkles on her clothes to be at least presentable. Lieutenant Sally Po stepped in hastily, closing the door behind her cautiously.

With her experience in medical services for the Gundam pilots for some time during the war, Lieutenant Sally Po was specifically appointed as the personal medical personnel in charge for the ex-pilots. Une trusted her expertise, especially when they found out after a thorough medical check-up that Heero's body and genes were heavily tampered with many drugs injections over the years. The drugs were the one that made him invincibly strong and his pain tolerance was abnormally high. Sally decided it was time to finally treat the alterations into a more serious account as to prevent long-term permanent damage to his bodily system.

"Lady Une," Sally hurried to her desk, disregarding formalities, "you have to come with me."

"What? Where to? Why are you still in here, anyway?" Une was beyond confused, her jumbled mind refused to grind a conclusion to the whole situation.

"Heero is in the hospital floor," Sally spat, frustrated, a hint of anger and worry within her voice explained her distress. "I was just about to leave when he suddenly appeared at the lobby, saying that there's something important to tell you and he wouldn't accept a no, so I took him to the hospital floor and – "

The door opened again and Heero strode in, looking completely calm and composed, though the glint in his deep blue eyes showed his restless mind. He produced a laptop on Une's desk, turning it on, not yet uttering a single word.

" _Yuy!"_ Une was practically seething, almost to the point of going ballistic. "For Christ's sake – what the hell are you doing out of hospital?! Surely anything you may have in your mind can wait until morning?! This is unacceptable! I'm not going to approve this, you breaching protocols yet _again!_ "

Heero didn't budge, his slender fingers running across the keyboard as he typed some commands. Sally was about to lash out when Heero spoke in his calm, baritone voice, "Fridtjof Göstav. He orchestrated all of these chain of events. He was one of the former officers of White Fang and had served as Quinze's most trusted foreman."

"What?!" Une and Sally shouted simultaneously, equally flummoxed. "But wait, Heero – how could you come into this conclusion? Do you have any proof? This is – this is a ferment, Heero. We can't just – "

Heero turned the laptop around to face the two women. On the screen was a photo of a man in his mid-thirties, the complete data and information of the man neatly written beside the photo. "He was an orphan taken in by Quinze, raised and taken care well, sent to school and university and later enrolled into military academy. Graduated, he fully served as one Quinze's top lieutenant, well known with his extraordinary analyst skill. His marksmanship was deft. We have to find him quickly, he most probably already has another specification under his sleeve." The young Preventer commander typed in another command, and a new window popped up.

"He has the Martian military under his complete authority," Heero's Prussian blue eyes turned cold and harsh. "He's been gathering resources there and smuggling various kinds of black market weapons. Bad news is, he was able to get some Gundanium materials on his hand – not quite long before I counteracted the illegal shipment chain a year ago. I suspect that he has hidden facilities in Mars and in the colonies. I will continue my investigation to a specific layer target to narrow our search, but I will take a safe bid they will be located in Mars. It clicked with the information from Duo and the intels which said that they were Martians. Easier to organise."

A tense and heavy silence fell over them after the long explication; the two women's were stupefied and their expressions were flabbergasted.

"But still, Heero… where do you – _how_ did you get all of this information?" Une murmured, collapsing back to her chair as she reached for the laptop that Heero had brought. "This is rather… unbelievable. This is just too much…"

"I received anonymous tips, and I don't take those lightly. After I traced it, they happen to be sent from Vice President Dorothy Catalonia."

Une's jaw literally dropped open and Sally gaped blankly. _"Miss Catalonia?"_

Heero nodded stiffly. "Correct. I just went on from the basic data given to me. I got all what I need once I breached into the right patch."

Une shrunk deeper into her chair and Sally collapsed on the couch in the centre of the room.

"This is worse than we have thought," Sally pointed out numbly. "This will not be easy. And Miss Relena…"

"She needs to know," said Heero curtly. "We need every available forces available and the politics backup. We will not take the military ways as our first option. We will try to get to talk with them."

Heero's last remark brought Une back to the reality. "Yuy," she growled petulantly, emphasising on the use of his last name to make her meaning clear, " _get the fuck back to the hospital._ Continue this, and you'll be permanently discharged of duty for sure. Be assured that all of your provided information will be processed as soon as possible. Now – "

"I can't," Heero growled. "I am being targeted." He directed an accusing, deadly glare to Sally. "You wouldn't hear me earlier."

Une groaned in frustration. _One thing after another…_

"Explain." She said curtly.

"Someone was trying to eliminate me. There were two men sent on the deed, they tried to decapitate me with knife." Heero scoffed at this. "The good news is, it proves that their information is still not quite precise. Otherwise, they wouldn't just send two men barely armed to assassinate me. Bad news is, they are well-prepared and organised, to attempt an assassination to a Preventer commander. Meaning they are aware of the situation. The president and Relena are in danger. I have conveyed and got in contact with Duo and Wufei, though I'm afraid they're mostly being watched. I've told them not to go here for now. This place will come first to their list when the information of my failed execution reached Göstav's ears. Relena is now in the parliament building in Collignon in Schaerbeek, I have explained the major events to her."

"Omniscient as ever, Heero," Une commented dryly. "What happened to your attackers?"

"They managed to escape," said Heero dejectedly. "The incident went unnoticed within the hospital ground. I miscalculated my… strength." He turned back to the laptop, typing quickly, "I have issued an order for all employees excluding my unit, Duo's, and Wufei's to not come to headquarters starting tomorrow. Instead, I send them to continue their work as usual at the Grimbergen branch. Full temporary transfer will be conducted step by step. I have instructed Lieutenant Merchtiss to arrange everything on my behalf. I have secured our database system with a new program just hours before I was attacked."

"Moving all agents to Grimbergen?" Sally was startled. "Heero, surely there's no need to take that much extreme precaution! It would seem suspicious if the headquarters look almost empty – "

"No," Une interjected, staring at her fellow young commander thoughtfully, "I'm impressed. From the beginning, there's not much agents stationed in the headquarters, it would be fine. Well, as much as I despise the stunts you have pulled until now, I have to say that I'm very glad you are here, Heero. Anything else?"

"I have requested Trowa Barton to act as Relena's personal bodyguard for the time being, Quatre should have finished with the protocols," Heero elaborated. "Une, I will need you to give Merchtiss a call to send his backup personnel for the president and Relena, now. Tell him they are to meet directly with Trowa before proceeding to their assigned post. Quatre will join us approximately in 6 hours top."

Une nodded stiffly and reached for the phone. Sally narrowed her eyes in disapprobation. "You're not going off from this as you want, Heero, you're overexerting," she rebuked, though she was completely aghast. "So now we – ?"

Heero blinked as he felt his vision became blurry and Sally's voice became fuzzy. There was a burning sensation in his chest and stomach; he suddenly felt very weak. He blinked again to gain a clearer view, but his eyes refused the command as his knees buckled beneath him…

And then he remembered no more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Belgium's classic fish dish, sole meunière, with the latter part of the name translates as 'in the way of the miller's wife' – dipped in seasoned flour and then pan-fried in a small amount of butter. Lemon juice and some chopped parsley are added to make a rich brown butter sauce. The fish is served with potatoes: as frites (fried), boiled or mashed.
> 
> [2] Kriek is made by breweries in and around Brussels using lambic beer to which sour cherries (with the pits) are added. A lambic is a sour and dry Belgian beer, fermented spontaneously with airborne yeast said to be native to Brussels; the presence of cherries (or raspberries) predates the almost universal use of hops as a flavouring in beer.
> 
> [3] CIA: Computer Intelligence Analysis.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another peek into Relena and Heero's trail of thoughts. Some matters finally started to emerge to the surface. But it seemed that there was something wrong with Heero.

_April 1, AC 200_

_Preventer Brussels Headquarters, 0900 hours_

* * *

 

The Preventer headquarters 8 storeys building, though had been deserted by almost 80 percent of its occupants, was unexpectedly buzzing with anxious hurried steps and nervous, indistinct orders floating the tense air from the remaining employees. Quatre watched all of this morosely; understanding the emergency situation they were in. He never had the intention of plunging directly into the front line anymore, but the attempted assassination to one of the Preventer's commanders who happened to be his friend changed his mind.

Quatre walked through the commotions towards the emergency briefing room, where Lady Une, Duo, Wufei, Heero's foreman; Agent Dorian Klark, and other three agents – Keynes, Conrad, and Julian from criminal investigation division – were seated around the large table in the middle of the room. All heads turned to him as he entered; the air filled with tense and nervous energy.

"Rashid has arranged from some of his corps to provide necessary backup for security," Quatre gave a reassuring smile, and he walked towards Lady Une, cupping her hands in his and squeezing them gently. Lady Une returned the kind gesture with a weak smile. She hadn't been sleeping for two days now, and it was taking a toll on her tired body.

"Thank you, Winner," Lady Une said sincerely, grateful. "I really appreciate your help. Damn it, I'm… I'm a mess, aren't I? This whole thing happened right under my nose. I don't know what I would do without all of you… These have been staged for years, and we don't even trace its tail. Such a failure… I failed."

"Don't say that," Quatre shook his head. "Lady Une, this isn't your fault. Of course we wouldn't know. It's clear that Göstav is very good at moving underground. We really have to give him the credits. I'm sure we can stop him. Yes, he's been in move for years, but that doesn't mean that he has the upper hands more than us. His resources is still not grand in scale, that's why we're working so hard now to prevent the worse to happen."

"Courtesy of Yuy's extreme analysis and his quick countermeasures," Une pointed out grimly. "This is the first time I realised how grateful I am having him in complete and absolute authority. Imagine what would happen if he's not…"

"Always the _perfect soldier_ ," Duo shrugged, a dark grin flashed across his face. He turned to Agent Dorian who sat right next to him. "How is the tough guy doing this morning?"

"Hanging on," Dorian answered to the point. "His parry against his attackers two days ago has depleted his still recovering energy completely. He wasn't supposed to be out of bed yet, though. And Lieutenant Sally asked me to tell you this, Commander Une…" the young agent shifted uncomfortably, and gulped, "to please issue a restriction order for Commander Yuy until he recuperates completely."

Wufei raised an eyebrow. "She knows it will fall on deaf ears. We all know better than that."

Duo shook his head. "I bet he's having a quality time with the laptop, though. Look – " Duo looked at his own computer, "I already can't breach the database system. Heh, he's working hard. Twice the security as well… will take fucking hours only to find the pattern. Ah, aren't we relieved now..."

"I might be just do that, Agent Dorian, but unfortunately I still need his extensive knowledge for breaching the network information that now the threat has become real. My notice that he's currently being put on temporary medical leave, unfortunately, fell on deaf ears like Agent Chang has pointed out. There is nothing I could do to prevent him, anyway." Lady Une sighed, agitated. Agent Dorian offered an understanding smile, "To be honest, I'm glad I don't have to deliver a restriction order to Commander Yuy. He's pissed off enough with his limited mobility now. I don't want to be faced with his wrath…"

Wufei snorted and Duo rolled his eyes dramatically. "Well isn't he self-conscious now…"

"Shall we begin, then?" Wufei interjected firmly, glancing at his wristwatch. "Should be in any second…"

The video-phone at the centre of the desk beeped in a rhythm. Lady Une answered the call, and the visage of Vice Minister Relena Darlian appeared on the screen. The ex-Gundam Heavyarms pilot was present on her side, looking calm and serious as ever.

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting," said Relena softly, black circles were evident under her eyes. "Let's get started, then. Commander Une, if you would, please? I promise you can get your sleep after this."

Lady Une smiled thinly. "I'll be alright, Miss Relena. As Commander Yuy have probably told you prior the attack, the main suspect is Fridtjof Göstav, Quinze's used-to-be foreman. His complete background has been sent for you to be read it later. Well-known with his remarkable analyst skill and marksmanship, he's been generous in funding the Mars Terraforming Project on the behalf of the colonies officials. He is said to be living in there, forming a good relationship with the residents, serving free dinner for the workers and married a woman in there and is expecting his first child in a few months. Lately, there's a rumour saying that Göstav is providing some kind of training… though it still couldn't be identified, what kind of training it is." Lady Une glanced over a file on the table, skimming the information it provided. "I have dispatched three agents to Mars from the Black-Alpha Unit 1 to investigate this case directly, and noticed the colonies about possible anti-government group will rise into action. As of now, the colonies' Preventers officials are already in move. One thing is bothering me, though…" Lady Une frowned, a sickly sensation twisting in her stomach. "I'm afraid that they will take extreme action, such as… forming an independent republic."

Relena nodded grimly. "It's a possibility. I'm scheduled to hold a summit at L1 in a week, restricted to mass media and public, to look for a best way to approach the Martians without directly insulting them. It will be tough, though. But I'm sure I can get all the supports from the colonies, the Mars Terraforming Project is not ESUN's alone. It's a joint project with the colonies as well." Relena paused, glancing at her paper briefly. "Complete disarmament… I know it's a long way to go, but – "

A loud beep interrupted, with a red dot flashing repeatedly in the corner of the screen. Lady Une raised an eyebrow; noticing the special pattern, and pushed a button to receive the new party to the call, "Commander Yuy."

Heero's pale feature appeared in the second screen, sitting in a white hospital bed against the pillows that supporting his back; his expression dark and intense. "I've got updates."

"Heero – " Relena began, but Heero shook his head.

"Later, Relena," his gaze flickered for a moment as Relena's face brought back memories to him, and he continued detachedly, eyes fixed on Wufei, "Two agents of mine apparently discovered an abnormally large number of arms were being transported through the F-10445X orbit station to many parts of the accommodations in Mars until yesterday. After several exchanges with them and with ESUN's field officers in there, I deduced that Göstav likely made the Mars Terraforming Project site as one of central hubs of the illegal arm traders and Gundanium materials we've been trying to track."

"Hang on, Yuy," Wufei interpolated, "how could it went unnoticed for years? This is ridiculous."

"Because it was only recently," Heero returned Wufei's sharp look evenly. "Don't forget that the ESUN and even the colonies tend to disregard the Martians in many governance administrations."

Everyone in the room gasped in shock, their head turning sharply to Heero who didn't budge an inch from the oppressing looks directed to him.

"But that's not true!" Relena protested heatedly, giving Heero an accusing look. "Contradictory, the ESUN has always affiliated with – "

"Don't fool yourself," Heero retorted. "The president unmistakably has been hiding behind the mask of blissful drift of the terraforming project itself and thus shunned away the Martians."

"What are you talking about?!" Relena cried, incandescent with anger. "During _my_ polity, I have never once neglected our foreign affairs policies! We have come to black-on-white agreements on future cooperation in many sectors, and I _myself_ have made sure to talk to them directly; I've been arranging summits with the colonies including the Martians! You are _impossible_ , Agent Yuy!"

"Then ask yourself why the president has never actually issued further paper policies to be legally executed directly by you, the vice foreign minister," Heero said quietly, his tone and expression softened. "I would never query of your works, Relena. I knew you."

A deafening silence crept over the room. Relena shook her head and muttering something incoherent, her eyes fell down to the ground.

"So it would be best to assume that there's a spy within the ESUN's officials?" one of the three other agents, Keynes, muttered dreadfully. His other two colleagues seemed dumbfounded.

"Wait – _agreements which were eventually stripped down by President Schneider_ …" Duo suddenly remarked in horror, scanning his computer screen rapidly. "Jesus – this man's _nuts!_ He's been the culprit _all along!_ What da' _fuck?!"_

"What?!" Lady Une bellowed, pounding a fist on to the table furiously. "Duo, what do you mean?! _What the hell is happening in here?!_ Anyone care to _explain?!"_

Wufei snatched the laptop from Duo's hand, typing something and a new pop-up window projected to the call screen. Colours slowly drained from Relena's face as she read on; finally stumbling backward, and Trowa caught her in his arms.

"Apparently Miss Catalonia has been using her position as the vice president quite remarkably," Trowa pointed out, leading Relena to sit down on a nearby chair – and out of earshot. "Heero, does this mark the entire ESUN government as our enemy?"

"Fortunately no," Heero answered calmly, and Duo blinked as he realised that Heero wasn't on the bed anymore; apparently now standing in a hallway, his hand reaching forward, "stop there, Agent Dorian."

Two gunshots echoed and Duo and Wufei shouted, jumping concurrently at Agent Dorian – who was now groaning in pain, clutching his bleeding gun arm. He shakily lifted the gun again, but Duo snatched the gun and pushed him against the floor. Three more shots blared again, and Wufei pivoted sharply on his heels, plunging himself over agent Conrad, landing a powerful fist on the stomach. Conrad groaned and hurled, gagging on his own blood coming out from his mouth.

"Hands UP!" Lady Une spat venomously, her gun aimed at agent Julian. Keynes quickly pulled out two pairs of handcuffs from his Preventer jacket, and tying them on Julian and Conrad.

"Are you alright?" Heero walked into the room, bending down over his foreman; a gun and his laptop were still in his both hands. "I'm sorry I had to shoot you."

"Nothing to worry, Commander, you only grazed my arm," Agent Dorian smirked, all traces of earlier pain had gone completely from his face. "Your aim is as marvellous as ever." He spoke some quick indistinct orders to the tiny earphone attached to his ears upon a curt, approving nod from his superior.

"Fucking Christ, Heero – they say the quiet ones who are the flashiest – but this is voluminous! You could have told us, or _me_ , your _fucking_ partner, at the very least!" Duo scolded haughtily, feeling genuinely offended by the distrust. Heero turned around to his partner slowly, and then shifted his attention to the two agents sat frightened against the wall. His pair of firm Prussian blue eyes was looking down at them; a deadly, harsh look glimmered dangerously. The sight was overwhelming, his eyes glimmered frostily under the white light. They betrayed none of the young man's thoughts, only conveying his powerful and intimidating presence. Lady Une actually could feel a cold running through her spine; the young man's presence in front of her was undeniably… unassailable. She could finally fathom why the Black-Alpha Unit 1 had become the most feared and respected within the whole Preventer league.

_This man is dangerous… it's not someone you want to mess with._

"You could have used 'bleeding Christ', Duo," Heero countered the braided man's fulmination, dignified. He kept his penetrating, grievous glare on the two Judas; and the two poor men recoiled in precipitous fear, sagging pathetically and uselessly against the wall. "More… appropriate. In the manner of where our feet stand."

Duo gaped numbly, marvelled at his partner's uncharacteristic demeanour. Agent Dorian stifled a laugh, and commented: "A feisty man in the pantheon of… military schemes."

Heero regarded Dorian a calculating gaze, ignoring the teasing comment. "I'll leave the interrogation to you, Agent Dorian. Any modicum of decency they might show shall not be forgiven. Proceed until you get everything we need. I shall hear from you within 6 hours top."

"Within 6 hours, Commander, yes." Dorian gestured to Keynes, and Keynes jerked his former comrades to stand up. "Get on your feet, now. Don't try anything funny."

The others watched in silence as the four agents leaving the room.

"Well, Heero," Quatre began, sounding devastated, "I think you owe all us an explanation."

Wufei snorted. "I never thought you would strike us as someone who will come up with jokes, Yuy."

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, Heero – I'm your _partner!"_ Duo exclaimed furiously. "How could ya left me out of this?! You damn _knucklehead!"_

"Hn." Was the only response Heero offered. Rustling sounds perked from the video call, and Relena's exhausted visage came into visual. Her tone was eerily cold when she spoke, eyes fixed on the most responsible person for her distress, "Explain yourself, _Yuy."_

* * *

 

_Brussels, May, Spring AC 196_

Relena Darlian drew a long, exasperated sigh. She knew what was coming up to her for being a full, responsible vice foreign minister, but maybe… maybe she was all wrong. No matter how much she was resolute in her ideas – it wasn't like she would be daunted by the grand scale of problems after the war – but the fact that she was still a mere teenager probably was her biggest obstacle. As much as she could be obstinate to stand her own way, she was realistic and mature enough to fathom the ESUN officials' tendency to look down at her. After all, she was _just_ a kid to them, no matter what status she brought with her. She could be the Queen of the World for all of them to care, but what rationalistic adults would defend the logic of a little girl in such big responsibility like being _a vice foreign minister?_

_Oh, Lord, save me._

At those times, when she felt unequivocally bleak, dejected, and stressed because of her jobs and the political situations she was trapped in; she would then turn to the only person she knew of easing all of her uneasiness with his whimsicality: none than the other of her personal bodyguard, Heero Yuy.

Heero was a big help to her. Apparently, he wasn't only perfect as a soldier, but his expertise had yet percolated into many other fields. He offered her many adjudications and disposals regarding her jobs, even sometimes decided to take matter into his own hands. Whenever she felt completely lost and desperate, Heero was always the one who encouraged her; helping her with his brilliant insights. He stood up for her whenever the parliaments derogated her, his belief on her ways never wavered the slightest.

She was still barely knew the boy in charge of her security. So far, Heero was still the high wall impossible to reach as before, fully dedicated to his work and avoided any kind of unnecessary contact with her and other employees in the government's office. He didn't talk at all unless urgently needed to, and sometimes it got to Relena's nerve. There were situations when Relena could keep up a conversation to a few minutes, but such moments were very rare.

But Relena guessed she was getting somewhere now. Since their first dinner out together 4 months ago, Heero was slowly but surely began to open up the tight walls around him. She suspected that the young man still trying to find out what her motives were; he grew up in a very different world with her after all. She also, in her own way, came to learn that Heero's dark past had shaped his view of life – and further, his very own purpose of living. He had come to a point where he believed that his life was cheap; but he could make his death be valuable with sacrificing his life to save the people. He had already done that. Though, after all, he had the will to live – that he was coming into her rescue, again, when she was kidnapped, proved it all. He was still fighting – even now.

She had still a long way to go; to help him find his place in the new world of pacifisms he had helped to create. To make him realise that his life wasn't cheap – that there were people who would mourn for him if he was to die. Not to mention herself; but she was perceptive enough to see that the bond between the five pilots were stronger than it seemed to be. Especially Duo Maxwell. She knew from the braided boy that during the war, Heero was mostly paired with him in missions that require a teamwork, and throughout those times, they subconsciously formed a kind of friendship that the other pilots could not establish with the perfect soldier. In many teamwork missions, though Quatre proposed the most battle plan and tactics, it was clear that Heero was their leader. His tremendous intelligence and skills in many things helped them to take accurate precautions and prevented any possible casualties to happen. His sharp, laser focus calculation left no room for even Wufei to complain his usually extreme and dangerous choice of plan execution. Even now, his idiosyncrasy never failed to amaze her, and of course she couldn't complain because everything Heero did had never brought them – even once – a disastrous result. His stunts were dangerous, but executed very carefully and thoughtfully, leaving no chance for a failure.

Only when it came to social – or any kind of – interaction, he was a failure. Trained to be desensitised to emotions, Heero seemed to be almost to the point of afraid of getting closer to people. Relena felt that he was afraid of the unfamiliar emotions running through his mind – he didn't understand what they were. He was confused. It was like he was straining his feelings on purpose – afraid that they would impede any of his process.

So she tried to bring him along with her to many mundane activities. She figured a dinner together would be one of the best way – taking him to social meeting would do no progress. He would see it as a waste of time – if he had the time to interact with people, than he would definitely prefer to finish his jobs. He was just as practical as that. She thought it would be best to introduce him to the normal, daily activities he had missed during his life until now – to make him comfortable to do what 'normal' people do. Heero was an observant, so a dinner would be one of a good media for him to relearn what he had lost.

Relena had seen him in his lowest; that time when he first woke up in the hospital after the battle over the presidential building. She had learned his deepest fear that night – a broken soul of a child that was forced to kill. No, he never was heartless. She felt his anger, his despair, his sorrow… that time, she understood that the boy was just like the others – a victim of the war.

And on a warm, sunny day in the spring, Relena thought that a little exercise would do both of them good. Relena knew one of the very few things that Heero enjoyed: exercise. She heard from Duo that he and Heero used to go to the Preventer's gym at the HQ to have some workouts; especially sparring, in the weekend. The Preventer employee's residence apartment complex located only a few blocks away from the HQ and the presidential building, providing their employees for quick and easy access to the central government district.

But since she absolutely had no experience in sparring, that left her with only a few options…

"Basketball." Relena announced loudly to the room, earning her a confused look from Heero.

"What?" he asked blankly.

"It's a very lovely weather out there, why should we be trapped in this suffocating office? Come, Heero. Play with me for a while."

Heero's lips twitched ever so slightly in disapproval. "We have lots to finish," he rebuked, clearly irked at the thought of having some 'play' in a day of work. "We've got a busy day ahead."

"I'm sorry, I should have made it clear," Relena smiled apologetically. "A game after we had our lunch. Don't you think some exercise will do both of us good?"

Heero graced her with a calculating, thoughtful look. "I don't think basketball will be as effective as an exercise. Treadmills and weights are exercise."

She immediately knew it was one of his method to avoid one of her instantaneous idea. "Oh, come on, just some playful exchanges wouldn't hurt us! It still counts as exercise – we're running and moving around. Come on, so I didn't just waste an 8.85 on one, lousy ball."

That was the argument she should have started with. Her bodyguard offered no more argument: being wasteful was not effective. Even so, she decided to tease him further: "Or you can just be fat and happy without occasional little exercise with me, all scooped up inside this room just work, eat, and work again, I surely wouldn't mind."

Heero's face remained calm, but his thin lips betrayed his displeasure at that possibility. It wasn't also a vain or purely aesthetic peeve of his; rationality, as always, was his basis. Fat people weren't as fast or agile as thin and toned people; thus were less likely to be able to escape a perilous situation or dominate a fight.

"Alright." He nodded. "A game," he emphasised firmly. His eyes darted to his monitor, doing a quick math of the time. "With your usual eating pace, we would have approximately 15 minutes."

 _Would,_ he had said, _not should. He was just that conscientious…_

"Fifteen minutes?" she was disappointed. Heero's stiff posture slowly vanished as he realised Relena's reaction, and he added softly, "Twenty minutes is still fine."

Relena smiled and clapped her hands. "Terrific! In exchange, you can have anything you want for lunch!"

Heero shrugged as he rose to his feet, a hidden smile crept over his face. "I would just have vegetables and some fruit as not to get fat, then."

Relena blinked at the unexpected reply, stupefied. She looked at the boy in amazement, who already walked to the door, his voice was calm and monotone when he spoke, "We would only get fifteen minutes if we don't hurry."

That was one of the moments Relena cherished most – Heero's first collapse of his walls were the gates she was looking for to bring out the real Heero Yuy she had seen on that fateful day at Libra.

* * *

 

They spent their lunch together nearly daily since; sneaking out beyond the presidential building backyard to the meadow with copses in there. Not long, it wasn't only basketball, but also table tennis and one of Heero's favourite which Relena didn't expect – chess. She was a good thinker and player, but she had to admit that Heero earned his current reputation not without something. He was the best analyst and strategist she had ever countered; reflected on his moves on the chess board.

"Really, Heero, you are really something, I say," Relena said in a huff, leaning back against the tree trunk behind her. "That makes it 5-1 in your favour. Maybe I should ask Duo to teach me…"

"Don't bother," Heero said indifferently, the faintest smirk tugged at his lips. "He never has won against me. You are much better than him."

Relena raised an eyebrow and chuckled. "That doesn't make me feel any better, but thank you for your compliment. Coming from you means something."

"Hn." Heero reached for the wooden basket they had brought, taking out a smoked beef sandwich. Relena followed his example, munching on hers eagerly.

"How do you like it in here, Heero?"

"Hn?"

Relena smiled. "Do you like it in Earth?"

As usual, Heero regarded the question a lengthy consideration; never answering a question lightly or dishonestly, "Yes."

"Well, you can tell me how you like it." Relena shoved a bottle of mineral water to Heero's hand. "I'd like to know about your thoughts."

"Why?" he asked carefully; failing to understand her last remark.

"I want to get to know you," said Relena casually, adding a tomato sauce to her sandwich. She added when she saw Heero's confused face, "Knowing your point of view would be a help to me, to figure out things I have never countered before. This world is full with people with different lives, backgrounds, and I want to understand them as much as I can so I can take the best judgment that will do all people good. I want to be as wise as possible."

"I understand." Heero nodded, and Relena realised that he had taken her request as a job he had to accomplish.

"Don't get me wrong," Relena shook her head. "This is not a job. I want to get to know you because I want to be your friend, Heero."

"Why?" the soldier in him didn't seem to understand. For his soldier standards, a friend would just be a hindrance in a battlefield, he would only need comrades to assist and fill in his shortcoming – it wasn't like he needed any assistance; but 'friend' was just crossing his line too much: friends meant emotional attachment that could disrupt the missions.

Relena laughed and fished for something into the wooden basket, searching. She then took out a large, glass jar of peanut butter jam and two slices of bread, and began spreading the thick and sticky substance on the bread. She offered it to her bodyguard. "It's just a simple peanut butter sandwich, but I'm very fond of it. Give it a try."

Having finished his first sandwich, Heero accepted the offer and took a quick bite. This time, Relena actually caught a clear, modest smile on his face as he commented, "It's good."

"Isn't it?" said Relena happily. "See? You need to ease, Heero. Just relax and enjoy this peaceful time. You deserve it. Now is it that hard?"

All traces of the faint smile vanished instantly from the boy's visage. "What do you mean?" he asked suspiciously.

Relena put a hand on Heero's arm gently, feeling the muscles underneath retracted; his whole body tensing inconsiderably – but he didn't pull away. Relena smiled at his effort – he was trying, and she really appreciated that. She knew how hard it was for him to initiate such an intimate contact – but he was slowly opening his heart by trying to understand. He was eager to learn. She was so proud of him.

"What did you feel when you tasted that peanut butter?" Relena retreated her hand, offering him another peanut butter sandwich.

"I…" he hesitated, looking at the sandwich on his hand, "I guess… I like it?"

"Did you feel happy even just for a little? When you ate it? When you said 'it's good'?"

"Happy…?" the word hung in his tongue, and his forehead formed a deep frown as he tried to dig his brain for answer. His deep blue eyes were staring at her, genuinely lost and confused. "I don't know. I just like it."

"But you smiled," Relena encouraged him, "so it means you're happy. Try again?"

Heero obediently dove for another bite, and this time it took him twice longer to express his feeling. He ate it again, and after a seemingly difficult inner consideration, he nodded decisively: "I like it. It tastes good, and it makes me… feel like I want to smile. Does that count as 'happy'?"

Relena nodded satisfyingly. "It does. Should we stock up for peanut butter in the office, then?"

A mischievous glint flashed in his brilliant blue eyes. "So we should just get fat and be happy with it."

Relena laughed as she served herself a peanut butter sandwich. "We should! If not, then where's the fun? We are just growing up teenagers, Heero, despite everything we have done and we can't deny that. We deserve our childhood, no matter what we are now. You, Duo, Wufei, Quatre, and Trowa – we all deserve our own happiness. Feeling happy makes you a better person. It makes you light-hearted, and that way you can fully enjoy this life. Just be a happy and naughty teenager like we all should have and cherish every moment you have in this life."

"Happy." Heero repeated quietly, looking at the peanut butter jar curiously and threw the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth. His expression was satisfied, and Relena nodded joyfully as they continued their lunch in comfortable silence; simply enjoying each other presence.

* * *

 

_April 1, AC 200_

_Preventer Brussels Headquarters, 1600 hours_

It had been one hell of a day for Preventer Special Agent Duo Maxwell.

The astounding revelation from the Vice President Dorothy Catalonia regarding the treachery from none the other than ESUN president itself had, in an exaggerating way, made the whole world turned upside down on its axis. President Johanssen Schneider had been only on his duty for a few months, the previous president had passed away of a sudden heart attack. The whole plot seemed clearer to Duo now: the previous president death had been staged by Schneider all the way. Schneider's complete profile and background had yet reached their ears, but the CIA department was working on it now. These turn of events had left him with jobs he hated most: paperwork.

A hesitant knock fell on his door and he looked up from his computer, groaning, "Come in."

His door opened and Agent Dorian stepped in, bringing a stack of folders with him. Duo groaned again – loudly this time – at the sight, resting his head on his desk in a comical gesture. _"There are more?!"_

Dorian could only offer a pathetic smile. "These are the tactical schemes Commander Yuy has devised. I'm expected to sort it through together with you and to plan for further precautions and execution treads."

"Heero's order? So now he turns to me for _my_ help?" Duo retorted sarcastically; he was still feeling hurt by the apparent distrust by his own partner. "Yeah, ya can just haul your damn ass in front of my nose every time you wanted, Yuy. Tell your boss I want a payment raise! Tell him that!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I was under strict order not to tell a single word outside Commander Yuy's unit. I trust his judgment," Dorian argued meekly. "He couldn't risk of being caught, so he intended to keep the information as secretly possible."

Duo shrugged irately. "Well, what have I _could_ possibly done to help the iinvincible Heero Yuy anyway?" he grumbled.

Dorian murmured something incoherent before bracing himself to actually answer the question sincerely, "A lot, sir."

Duo was startled at the unexpected respond. "You think so?"

"You're a Gundam pilot," Dorian pointed out. "That will make you a whole lot better for a resource, sir."

Duo blinked, "Oh. Well, past tense, I was. Cool! No one ever said that to me…"

"I never said I accepted all of Commander Yuy's many… dotty procedures," Dorian deadpanned, and Duo burst into laughter, "Oh, that was _rich!_ Yer just being modest, aren't ya? God, he isn't even that scary, man! His methods are always _precarious!_ Man, I didn't even know that word before, I was searching the appropriate word to fit with Heero's stupid stunts, and I just found it in the dictionary… well, it does sound like a very cool word and I remember it for future reference! Heh, ain't I an educated man now…" Duo grinned, and shook his head, "Ow, I'm rambling, sorry."

"He's just too stubborn to admit his condition," Dorian ignored the braided man's apology, reaching for a folder dourly. Duo rolled his eyes. "Of course he is. You're his foreman, you know him well enough to call him a trouble. I repeat, trouble."

"I don't know, sir, but I feel honestly honoured that I'm addressed by his former partner as his 'foreman who knows him well enough'. It's a privilege only a few people can achieve," Dorian grinned. Duo waved his hand, "Trust me, no one really knows him. Even me, his fucking supposed-to-be partner."

They engrossed in their works for a good one hour before finally Duo put away his last portion of the folder, groaning softly as he arched his back and got up from his chair, announcing, "I'm done. You can proceed with the submission for evaluation for Une. I'm gonna get some coffee…"

"Yes, sir." Dorian nodded dutifully. Duo's hand was only a mere inch from the doorknob when the phone on the desk gave off a loud ring, and Heero's foreman suppressed a laugh; straightening himself as he reached for the phone, "Special Agent Maxwell office, with Agent Klark speaking."

Duo crossed his arms frantically, and dashed out from the room before Dorian could register what happened. Dorian returned to the phone sullenly, "He's just left, Lieutenant Po. Is there anything I should convey to him?"

Dorian listened for a while, his eyes turned to a darker shade when he replied, "Understood, Lieutenant."

* * *

_April 2, AC 200_

_Preventer HQ Medical Centre and Hospital floor, 0100 hours_

Though it was already past midnight and the recent events had exhausted all of his energy, it seemed that sleep was thinking otherwise. Duo groaned as he stirred on the narrow couch, turning to his side, where an emergency small bed was occupied by the young vice foreign minister.

Duo smiled grimly as he adjusted the blanket covering the young woman. Relena had gone through a lot, and he admired her for being so strong despite the racking truth of treachery within the government. It was the worst scandal in history – proving that indeed the new ESUN government still had a lot to work on. Officials were likely still working endlessly, running a strict and thorough investigation to every individual workers along with Preventers. For the time being, Vice President Dorothy Catalonia was pointed as the surrogating president. Knowing the young lady, Duo felt a bit assured that the situation could be handled – wisely.

Duo proceeded to the white hospital bed in the centre of the room. His partner was lying perfectly still on it; his feature was gaunt and ashen, the effects of him ignoring doctors' orders were finally kicking in. No matter how invincible Heero was, an organ transplantation was a complete different matter. Not even the perfect soldier could resist the nature's law.

Dou had heard Heero's doctors' explanation earlier, with Relena. Duo admitted that he was worried. The doctors revealed that due to the severe alteration done to Heero's body, his bodily system didn't seem to be working well in healing, and the exaggerating use of his still recovering energy had taken its toll. During his briefing of the current situation right after agent Conrad and Julian were arrested, Heero suddenly collapsed, and later was announced had fallen into a coma. He was readmitted into the ICU shortly. The doctors were afraid that infection and rejection would occur, and with the complication of his bodily function, he was pretty much in a perilous condition.

"Jesus…" Duo murmured, smiling dolefully at his partner. "You've done yourself out now, aren't ya? You stupid knucklehead…"

Duo carefully – and hesitantly – reached for Heero's arm, and squeezing it gently. "Thank you, buddy. For doing all those stupid stunts and harming yourself just for all of us. God, aren't ya an idiot… always taking everythin' all by yourself. Just let us do the rest now, you dumb, so, please… don't. Don't die on us yet. For us, and for princess."

The deafening silence was all that answered him, and Duo took a deep breath, silently retreating from the room.

 _They would pay,_ he promised, I _'ll make sure they would pay._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chang Wufei must take a brave decision on the impossible. Outburst of suppressed emotions take Relena and Heero deeper into the notions that bring them into a whole new level of their unique relationship. Meanwhile, Sally struggles for what it takes when Heero's medical complications kick in.

_Preventer Brussels HQ, 2200 hours_

They were in pretty much fifty-fifty gambling situation.

Lady Une threw her head back in frustration, muttering incoherent imprecations. According to the latest reports – and it was great relief – it seems that Göstav indeed was worthy of his reputation. After a strict and complicated investigation procedures through the whole ESUN officials, it was revealed that Schneider's bodyguards unit and his secretary were the only party that committed treachery.  _Well known with his extraordinary analyst skill,_  Heero had said,  _he most probably already has another specification under his sleeve._  Now Lady Une had understood what he had meant – Göstav had the information, the intelligence, the skill, and the right people to put his plan in motion.  _Good execution,_  she complimented mentally in dismay,  _he kept minimal people as possible within the government's body to moist his plan._   _We were lucky that we have Yuy on our side, though I don't really like him for his extremely dangerous plans…_

But who was her to complain? Yes, she  _was_  a soldier, but she admitted that her fellow young commander had far more advantage in skills and experiences than any other soldier ever had in the world. He had gone by many epithets – the most infamous one was the 'Perfect Soldier'. Among the five Gundam pilots, he was the most skilled and focused in combat – both in mobile suits and out – which made him a great asset and a deadly force to be reckoned with. From the files they managed to gather, he had undergone a tough training of self-discipline, extreme body control, and ability to reason. Perfect in close combat, computer hacking, and mobile suit piloting –  _the perfect soldier_. And that was only possible by Doctor J manipulating his genes.

She was heavily disturbed when she rummaged through the files and documents they have found in the Doctor J's lab facility at the L1 Heero had spoken about to Sally. The evidence of his severe genes manipulation and alterations was recorded neatly in those files, and was consolidated with the results from Heero's medical check-up. Sally had consulted with her regarding the matter; they were concerned and Sally warned her of future complications that most probably would occur. In the last few months of his service as Relena's head security, she had seen by her own eyes how Heero was slowly wasting away. Heero finally consented to Sally's advice to 'retire' after Lady Une explained the danger and casualties that might produce if he continued his current field duty – and this was also the reason why Heero rarely went to the front line. He then underwent stem cell therapy, which had given them some results to work with. It seemed to deliver an expected result, for the therapy seemed to slow down the process and with Sally's deeper research into the sphere, the doctors and the scientists could prescribe some medications to help regain Heero's virility. It worked; though it didn't help him to recover fully to his former physical ability – at least, he was still far superior to others.

Heero had changed, though. Lady Une noticed on how Heero was no longer pulling himself away from the others, and how he seemed more relaxed – and peaceful. He even now smiled, no matter rare the moments were. She suspected that Relena played a big role in this change. She remembered the events post the Mariemaia uprising, in which Heero still gave her the impression of the callous, ruthless perfect soldier. Lady Une found it as a pleasant change – the young man's insights opened her mind to the other world beyond her reach before. She admired the characteristic merits within him – calm, gentle, yet resolute and unyielding. She felt like she finally could understand what Relena had seen that others failed to: a heart that was both sincere and pure. His feelings were genuine; giving him the power to understand much better.

Lady Une skimmed over the papers in front of her. During the week in which Heero was completely out, Wufei and Duo had taken over his duties and working within the Black-Alpha Unit 1 to execute the investigation and countermeasure specification they had proposed. The Preventers trusted the security of Dorothy Catalonia and Relena Peacecraft to Rashid Kurama and Trowa Barton, respectively. For the time being, everything was under ESUN's control, and it seemed that Göstav hadn't made any further move yet due to the strict and thorough inspection through the ESUN's government and officials. The Preventers used the opportunity to intervene; to settle down the temporary politic and security fluctuation concern and to conduct further investigation and manhunt for Göstav's guerrilla. She had sent Duo along with Agent Klark and Heero's unit for the mission with Heero's tactical schemes. She had a great dependence and complete trust in Duo and the said independent unit. After all, in this kind of situation, to whom she could possibly turn for a reliable strength and loyal comrades?

Lady Une was so deeply absorbed in her thoughts that she failed to notice that someone was standing in front of her desk. She frowned when a shadow cast onto the papers and looked up.

"Wufei," Lady Une acknowledged wearily, gesturing the Chinese man to sit down. "I've been expecting you. I'm glad you can make it."

Chang Wufei did as instructed. His posture was stiff and his facial feature was exhausted, but he remained calm and composed. He nodded quickly in return, "You need something?"

Lady Une produced a file to the young man. "We are required to take some distinct actions in response to this whole ordeal. Special Agent Chang Wufei, I appoint you as the head of Mars Preventer Base."

It took a moment for Wufei to comprehend and his eyes widened in shock. "W-wait,  _what?_  Une,  _what is this?"_

"I believe I've known you well enough of the qualities and capabilities within you for this job. Now that Commander Yuy is out of business, the Preventers need to establish any capable source available to be earmarked in many officials league as possible, especially in Mars. I believe that you are the most suited one for this position."

"Hang on, Une – what made you – " Wufei started, but Lady Une shook her head, her expression was both lugubrious and distraught.

"Listen to me," Lady Une said softly. "You have a high level of intelligence and aptitude in sciences and many other fields. Heero highly respected you, and admired at how you tend to be a step or two ahead of others in the war, despite you were primarily working alone. I know that much you are also an expert at close-quarters and hand-to-hand combat, having prior training and experience in it. Chang, you are needed. Please consider. Heero himself asked me to do this."

Wufei stared at his superior, still stupefied to respond. He opened his mouth and closed them again, not really knowing what to say. Finally, regaining his bearings, he spoke solemnly, "If Yuy personally trusted me with the honour, then I guess I will not say no. He's been a very avuncular support for my division, I suppose this is the right time to pay back the principles."

"You've seen him?" Une questioned; she suddenly seemed about 20 years older than her actual age. Wufei did not answer immediately, his eyes turned to a darker shade.

"Yes," he said flatly. "I'm not happy."

"Neither I am."

"Sally told me everything regarding Yuy's health authenticities. I suppose he's… feeling guilty. He's taken everything happened as his responsibilities. I've been working with him long enough then to understand."

"You're saying that you would do anything for him."

The dark aura hovering over Wufei instantly disappeared, replaced by an unexpected bitter smile. "He has nearly given everything on him for the world. I just hope that he wouldn't take everything all by his shoulder. Of course the very least I can do is to be his strength when his is wavering."

Lady Une stared at the Chinese man for a while, before nodding and protruding the file to him. "Further arrangements shall be administered to you tomorrow morning, so I expect you to be here, 9 sharp."

"Understood." Wufei nodded and reached for the document, rising to his feet to leave. "If I may, Commander, maybe you should take off a day or two. You look like a 10 year old not being given the toy he wanted and you're taking it out by kids' powerful weapon – cranky cries."

Lady Une felt her cheeks went hot, "I am not!"

"Just trying to diffuse the tension." Wufei shrugged, smirking as he exited the room; leaving Une in her stupor of annoyance.

* * *

* * *

_July, AC 197_

_Veliko Tarnovo, Bulgaria_

This year's ESUN annual summit took place in the city of Sofia, Bulgaria. Having personal interest in the country for its medieval beauty, Relena didn't miss the chance to drop a visit to the city of Veliko Tarnovo, the medieval capital of Bulgaria – which hid in itself more than 7000 years of history. Its beauty was in the remarkable architectural style of the beautiful bridges above Yantra River, towers, museums, monasteries and the Arbanasi fortress. During the Second Bulgarian Empire in 1185 to 1393, Veliko Tarnovo became the capital of Bulgaria for 167 years, leading to a fast growing and amazing economic and cultural development.

The ancient Tsarevets fortress was the jewel in the heart of Veliko Tarnovo, which once was a medieval town with a palace, battle towers, and residential and economic buildings. Historical sites always took the best of Relena's interest – they fascinated her. She enjoyed hours of walking through the old town, favouring the amazing view that gave her a sense of comfortable and relaxing wave through her mind.

"Keep close to me," the quiet, low voice of her bodyguard vibrated through Relena like electric charges. The ex-Wing Zero pilot never spoke much, and when he did, his steady tone was always just above a whisper – leaving an awe-inspiring impression in the presence of his prodigious charm. The young man's dignity had the power to catalyse one's heart to feel great respect. She was one of those graced person who had heard him speak – and that was no small achievement.

"Oh, come on, relax, Heero. What could possibly happen in this peaceful neighbourhood? Just enjoy our time. It's a rare opportunity."

"We cannot let our guard down," Heero rebuked calmly. "Chances are in every corner."

Relena turned and reached Heero's hand into hers. "Ah, sorry. I was wrong. What I meant was what could possibly happen with you being around? You're the best security someone could ever ask."

Heero didn't respond as he dutifully continued observing their surroundings. Relena stole a quick glance to her young bodyguard, noticing how his body slowly tensed and his expression hardened.

"What is it?" Relena asked casually, having been strictly trained by Heero to not to show any sense of consciousness to any impending danger closing to them. Heero's posture relaxed, his gun arm slipped into his jacket in a skilled inclination that was impossible to see. He kept his distance from Relena, and elaborated in a calm voice, "Eleven o'clock. 60 degrees."

Relena continued to throw her look around casually, putting a complete trust in Heero. She failed to see what Heero had, though.

"Do what you must, Heero," Relena murmured from the corner from her mouth, and Heero nodded.

"Closing in, distance's less than merely 55 yards. SMLE No. 8 L42 Enfield of British, bold-action, effective in 550 yards. Take a mild right turn to that alley, there's no commercial parlours around to take cover. On my command, so they won't take any impulsive move that might cause us disadvantage. Keep your composure, keep calm, blend with the crowds. You'll be safe. I've requested an immediate backup. Do you trust me?"

Relena smiled. "You don't have to ask. If don't trust you, then I can't trust anyone else in the whole wide world."

For a moment, Relena thought that she caught a glint of smile in his eyes. They continued to walk for a few metres until Relena could see the alley Heero told her earlier. She turned to her bodyguard, pretending to initiate a conversation while waited for instruction. They slowly neared the alley, and in a minute, Heero shrugged as he ordered quietly, almost inaudible,  _"Make a dash. Don't wait for me and don't ever look back. Stay in there until I cue you otherwise or until the backup arrives. Now."_

Relena could feel her heart thundered painfully against her ribs in trepidation. Clenching her eyes shut, Relena hurtled to the alley, and she felt her heart fell to her stomach when four gun shots echoed through the crowds. Screams tore through the people, but Relena didn't dare to look back to see if her bodyguard was fine. It felt like an endless time loop before finally she braced herself to open her eyes to register her surroundings. Chaos erupted in the street, and people scattered to safer places. A burst of anxiety flooded her mind; she was dead worried about her bodyguard. Tears gathered in her eyes, blurring her view. Sobs rocker her body. She couldn't think clearly.  _This is bad… is he okay? Was he shot? Is he hurt? Was someone shot? Oh, Lord, please, let him be safe. Please let him be safe. I can't live without him… what I would become if I lost him… please, Lord, let him be safe… let him be safe…_

"Relena. Are you alright?"

Releasing a shuddering gasp, Relena's eyes blasted open as she looked up. Heero was standing in front of her, a little pale and out of breath, but otherwise seemed to be fine. Relena let out a low squeak as she threw herself into Heero, feeling genuinely relieved. She buried her face deeper into Heero's chest, sobbing in distress. Heero ran a hand soothingly through her hair before releasing himself from her tight hug, "It's fine. We have to keep moving. I think I got him, but I couldn't stay long to make sure. Let's go."

Feeling disoriented due to the shock, Relena let herself dragged by Heero. Heero spoke quickly into the tiny earphone in his ear while his every senses searched for any possible imminent danger. They didn't stop until they arrived back at the hotel they were staying at. Relena kept her silence until they finally entered their room.

"Are you hurt?" Heero questioned, checking Relena's whole body to look for any wound. Relena shook her head, collapsing on to the bed; suddenly feeling so tired.

"What was  _that?"_  Relena asked weakly. Heero didn't answer immediately, but reached to his intercom before facing Relena.

"Not yet expounded," the young man's expression was unreadable. "One man army, it seemed. The reinforcements could not find any sign if there were more than that one sniper. You should not be concerned with that. We will find him."

"But – but – Heero, I  _heard_  exchanged gunshots! And four of them, I recall!"

"He was a trained force," said Heero after a few moments, giving away a low grumble of dismay. "He left his sniper rifle behind and what happened was I merely gave a chase close enough so I could immobilise him. If he was not alone, I would not have left you all by yourself. You know how I work."

Relena nodded bleakly. Heero slowly turned around to proceed to the window, his Prussian blue eyes were sharp and focused as he searched the streets below and buildings afar. He pulled the curtains closed and strode across the room when the doorbell rang out.

"Stay there," Heero ordered innocuously, but she could hear a tinge of menace in his voice. Relena only stared back blankly, having her energy completely depleted. She bent her neck forward to see who their guest was.

"Evening, Ma'am," Preventer Agent Dorian Klark greeted with a thick British accent and smiled, peeking inside from the threshold. "Oh Lord, you look terrible. Are you alright?"

Relena forced back a smile. "Agent Dorian. Don't worry, I am perfectly fine. I am with Agent Yuy, after all. It must be all the adrenalines that took the toll."

She knew of Dorian Klark. Heero's most staunchly trustworthy personal assistant and man-in-arms, he had been tagging along with the ex Gundam pilot for a few months, having been working in the same department before in the Preventers. Relena understood why Heero had chosen to put his complete trust in the British young man: Dorian Klark had the integral calibres that Heero had seen in his own self. Dorian was 7 years older than them, reaching his mid-twenties. He had an easy-going and cheerful personality, but unyielding when it came to work. He was a good friend with Duo Maxwell (some would say they were partner in crime if it came to Heero), and in a good term of professional relationship with Heero. Heero highly respected him and acknowledged his skills, while Dorian venerated the many astounding cachet within the minister's young head of security.

"You were not followed?" Heero asked strongly, his lips were thin and his expression once again became harsh. Dorian shook his head, "Affirmative, sir."

"Is the dispatched unit the same with the one I have requested?"

"Yes, sir."

"What do your senses have caught?"

"None so far."

Heero narrowed his eyes. "That was certainly affirmative, I hope?"

"Yes, sir, affirmative."

Heero growled in dissatisfaction. "It's still acrimonious. I rewarded him a quite hazard shot, I believe. How far is the perimeters the unit is sweeping now?"

Dorian checked his tablet console. "Approximately within 200 yards as you have calculated before, sir."

Heero walked to the nearby desk, opening a laptop resting on it. "You've got in touch with Commander Une?"

"Yes, I have spoken with the Commander herself. I have made sure the line was clear and secure, sir, using your very own private line, as you have instructed."

Heero nodded stiffly. Relena took a gander at the two agents, not understanding.

"Wait – what is the meaning of all this? You seem so tense," Relena implored. "This doesn't look like something I 'shouldn't be worried about'. I've been followed  _all day_ by a bunch of agents, practically wherever I go! What's happening?"

Dorian and Heero exchanged glances.

"This is why she is a vice minister," Heero muttered exasperatedly, "lo and behold."

Dorian burst into small laughter and even Relena couldn't hold back a chuckle. Heero just had the gut to show his unexpected sense of humour in unexpected circumstances. She enjoyed that one quality of him that other people had never seen. Most believed he was incapable of joking, but it was just one simply had to know him well enough to pick up on his subtle sense of humour.

"This is a standard procedure, Ma'am," Dorian elaborated while Heero focused back to the laptop. "What we are doing is tracing any possible affiliations and connections, to search for the attacker's bound up, to see if there is any concatenation of these current circumstances or events. Please be assured that we have yet found anything out of ordinary regarding the attack, and I am sure that it is nothing fantastic. If I may be so bold, Ma'am, perhaps what you need is a good, warm bath and sleep. You are exhausted, and we are arranging for you to fly back to Brussels tomorrow evening."

"But – "

"Agent Dorian is right," said Heero, getting up as he nodded to Dorian. "Go shower yourself. I will check your suite and initiate few additional security. Agent Dorian will be staying with us tonight."

Relena shook her head, looking straight at her bodyguard. "Why? Why is it so hard to do  _this,_ Heero? What did I do wrong? I feel so lost. I – I don't understand. I tried so hard to demystify my principles – I believe that they are right, for my heart told me so. What made it wrong? I tried to understand them, but their continuum to a war – no, I cannot understand it. Or is this all just merely political? Why would they go to this far for politics? I don't know what to do. Oh, Lord, I feel so lost!" She broke into a devastated cry, burying her face into her hand.

Heero glanced at Dorian, and gestured the man to retreat to his suite. Heero waited until Dorian vanished into the other room, and then he bent down on his knees in front of Relena, putting a comforting hand on her arm.

"You did no wrong," he said quietly; his tone was very soft and gentle, and he offered his rare, small smile as he pushed her chin up with his finger. "Relena, you are doing the right thing. I have said once to the others that the only way to live a good life is to act on your emotions. That is what my father had always told me," his Prussian blue eyes shimmering with indescribable emotions, "and it is true. I never knew what he had truly meant by telling me that, honestly, until Libra."

Relena sniffled and stared at her bodyguard in curiosity. This was the very first time Heero was willing to speak of his private matter. "Your father?"

Heero hesitated a moment before responding, "Yes."

Relena offered a warm smile. "No wonder you're such a kind person. Your father was an amazing person."

Heero shook his head – a bit of uncharacteristic gesture was evidence on his movement. "No, he was an assassin, actually. He was not near anything 'nice'." Heero closed his eyes and took a deep breath; looking troubled. This was also Relena's first time seeing her bodyguard in such ambivalent state – he was always unfailing. The next Heero opened his eyes, he had regained his calm and stoic composure; the look on the dark blue orb was intense and ruthless. Something in his last remembrance of a piece of his past had triggered an emotion within him. "But that is not important."

Relena didn't think to pry further, even though she was dead curious. She watched as Heero rose to his feet and took a seat on the bed beside her. For a while, he didn't say anything, just staring down at the floor. She suddenly became painfully aware at how awfully young he was; shouldering such huge burdens and responsibilities.  _Oh, Lord…_

"That was a very difficult decision I had to make on Libra," Heero started quietly, his tone lack of any feelings. "I was thinking of giving up, I was losing hope. And then I realised that I did not want to die. A thought came up in my mind when I fired Wing Zero's buster rifle. People were created to be loved. Thing were created to be used. It is… the reason the world is in endless chaos is because things are being loved, but people are being used."

Relena gaped in awe. She was genuinely flummoxed – she didn't expect those kind of thoughts would come out from Heero Yuy. Her brain slowly processed his words, and she nodded in acknowledgment. She tentatively put a hand on his arm, and she smiled when she didn't feel even a slightest movement that indicated that Heero was uncomfortable. He had accepted her presence fully; he didn't hesitate anymore.

"If only people have a good heart and mind as yours, everything will be easy," she sighed. "But I guess these complications are the things that shape people into a better one, what do you think?"

"Yes, I think so." His deep blue eyes searched her, and once again his lips formed an ever so slightly smile. "But if not, then where would be the fun of living a life itself? The struggle to survive this life alone is already a mesmerising affair for human to contemplate. We learn and grow from it."

"I agree. You know what? It shouldn't be beyond the wit of man for them adults to see upon this life like you do, honestly," said Relena serenely. "You  _are_  mesmerising."

"I learned from the best." Heero returned her favour, looking Relena squarely in the eye. "You make me understand the world better."

"No, no, quite contradictory,  _you_  make me understand a whole lot better. Your insights, your thoughts, they offer me a whole new point of view I never imagined before. I'm truly grateful for having you beside me. You bring the best out of me. So… thank you for everything you've done for me until now. Thank you so much for your endless support. Thank you so much for being a dear friend. Thank you so much for simply being here with me." She took a deep breath, and squeezed Heero's hand – tightly; trying to convey how much she meant her words of gratitude. "This is it – this is what I meant back then, do you remember? What a wonderful universe this world would be if there's so much love within one… "

"I do not deserve gratitude. I am a soldier, and it is my duty to protect you and the people. It is my obligation."

"Stop thinking yourself as a mere soldier. You are equally important like the rest of us, you have a place in this world. Because, Heero, there are people in this world, who care deeply for you. Understand that your kindness pays you twice; and that is the highest prize one can get. You care so much for the good of this world – and it makes you a very dear person to people around you. Believe it or not, it is the fact. You are a dear friend and family to me. I thank the Lord for your presence… perhaps, you shall consider this carefully: you're a whole person and individual. Please always remember that."

Heero was deep in thought as he listened to Relena. He was silent; and it took the boy a little while before bracing himself to face the vice minister to say a quiet yet very gentle: "Thank you."

Relena beamed; the weight lingering in her heart promptly vanished and she gave a light pat on his back. "Thank you too. As always, for your insights. This left for us a warm dinner and bath, I guess."

"Intriguing." Heero nodded decisively as he stood up, and Relena felt a smile crept back into her face.

Everything was alright now.

* * *

* * *

  _April 7, AC 200_

_Preventer Brussels HQ, Medical Centre and Hospital floor_

_1100 hours_

Sally Po was never a huge fan of a sick Gundam pilot, especially a particular Heero Yuy.

It was with no reason that she was outraged by the young man's obstinacy – a patient of liver transplantation had to be very careful during the first stages of the first few weeks of recovery; for infections can be a real danger, because the medications taken compromise the body's defence systems. The first three months after transplant were the most risky for getting such infections as the flu; so patients should follow precautions, one of them was to stay out of crowds. One thing that was vital to ensure that the transplant was successful and that the patient would live a long and healthy life was: the patient must get a good medical care, prevent and treat complications, keep in touch with doctors and nurses, and the most important – follow their advice and orders.

But that 'most important' part was what Heero Yuy would definitely ignore. And that's where the problem ensued.

Sally stared down at the medical chart in her hand, frowning deeper as she checked the reading from the various machines attached to her recalcitrant patient in the bed. The exertion had made his still recovering lung collapsed again, and they had to help his respiration with intubation. The surgical wound from the thoracotomy and the transplantation surgery had almost reopened; the doctors had to stitch them again.

"I'm spent."

Sally gasped in surprise and looked up from the chart. Heero was looking straight at her, pale and weak, but his glimmering deep blue eyes were penetrating through her.

"I'm – well spent," the young agent repeated hoarsely in two sharp intakes; every breath he drew was heavy and strained. Even so, the burning fire in the intense Prussian blue eyes was as sharp as ever; never losing its immense ardour. Sally sighed as she placed herself on the vacant chair by the bed, feeling exasperated.

"Your sense of humour is still frivolous,  _Yuy_ ," Sally scoffed. "Just for your information, I  _really_  hate it for having you as my patient. Keep that in mind, and promise me next time to not to pull off these kind of cheeky stunts again. You're pain in the ass when it comes to this. Yes, I'm not exaggerating; I'm being perfectly serious. I  _hate_  it."

"Cheeky," Heero returned the insult evenly, rasping in wheezy breath, "harsh  _cheeky."_ He managed to suppress a thin smile before closing his eyes tiredly; his expression lax with fatigue.

"She was miserable, you know."

Heero opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling and closing them again. He didn't need to ask to figure out whom Sally was talking about. Her irritation seemed to morph into a desperate kind of sadness, making him confused.

"Relena was suffering when she knew the truth," said Sally without mercy; her eyes were sad. "She was crying when I told her everything. Don't give me that look, you owe her that much," she barked in annoyance when Heero sent her his infamous deadly glare, "I won't keep the facts from her anymore. She deserves to know."

Heero sucked in a breath sharply as he felt a poking on his abdomen, sending a jolt of pain through his entire body. His eyes flew open, somehow able to let out an angry hiss, "What are you  _doing?"_

"Standard checking procedures," said Sally incredulously, rolling her eyes. "You see? Usually you have an abnormally high pain tolerance; I thought I have explained to you. We have gone through this post the surgery. No matter how sensitive and emergency all of these ordeals are, you have no reason to push to this extent. This is unheard of! You know you could at least tell Duo! Your  _goddamn_  fellow Gundam pilots, in whom you  _can_  trust completely, I'm sure!"

"I'm sorry," the bedridden young man whispered; weakly but softly. "I was just – trying to take minimal risk as possible."

Sally regarded him a lengthy, calculating look, before sighing again. "This is because you  _ordinarily_ would have known the problem was before it happened, but now you're almost clueless as to what's going on, am I correct? Well, let me tell you this. Telling Duo would have done harm to no one."

"I know."

"Having additional backups won't hurt anyone."

"I know."

"Pulling these kinds of ridiculously  _stupid_  dangerous stunts on regular basis will only shorten your life."

"…  _I know."_

"Sorry," Sally quickly apologised, noticing the eerie cold tone on Heero's last answer. "Heero, I didn't mean – I just want to you to  _realise_  that your condition is deteriorating. Your immune system… it's exacerbating. Do you have any idea how long have you been knocked out?"

Heero's gaze averted from the ceiling to Sally; wary.

"A week," Sally told him, and Heero's eyes widened slightly at the information. "You had a few relapses during the first two days; you put us quite in the roller-coaster on your charts. Please," Sally reached over Heero's arm, touching it with a tentative tenderness, "I need you to understand. I don't think your body was built to last. Remember when you quit as her bodyguard? I have taken your concerns that time – your draining strength, your compromised quick healing ability, the constant pain you complained about. I'm afraid that the stem cell therapy we have performed only did little treatment. It will only delay the symptoms temporarily. The damage that is done is permanent… you  _are_  deteriorating. The liver transplantation, added with your fatuousness, has triggered the cell degeneration process and it's unstoppable."

"And you cannot fix it."

"No," said Sally in a slightly trembling voice, trying to keep herself composed but failed miserably. "No, I cannot. It's nature's law – I've tried everything, I couldn't find a cure."

"I just don't want the world she has been put so much effort into to build to fail."

Sally took a deep breath and wiped a tear off the corner of her eyes, "Your point being?"

Heero seemed to have regained some strength for the next he spoke, his voice was firm and steady as usual. "The peace we have managed to build, to regain, until now, is just merely the surface. I once said to her," his smile was so faint that Sally had to blink to make sure it wasn't her eyes playing on her, "that as long as humans live with their emotions, real peace will not be impossible. But again, what I know is that emotions are the source of these chain of hatred. That is why I believe that mutual peace is mutual understanding. If people do not understand each other, then these chain will not be breakable. It is so contradictory. Where do we go wrong?"

"We went wrong so many times, Heero," Sally shook her head. "Because, in my eyes, we are not adults. We are adolescents; hiding under the mask of the adults."

Heero nodded in agreement. "So why do people fight anyway? Perhaps, the meaning of human existence lies within their will to fight. People feel a sense of accomplishments through battles. It is also a fact that the ones actually fighting are never perceived as being tainted. Perhaps… I was desperate. It was a chagrin. I know that I would not have many times left of mine, and thus it clouded my judgment. Perhaps they understand it too, and it traps them – us – in this endless loop of war."

"Maybe you are right," Sally smiled. "We are so full of ourselves that we neglected to understand each other. So simple, yet so difficult…"

"Yes."

Sally looked back down at the chart on her hand. "Go back to sleep. You will be kept under strict observation in the ICU until you are deemed stable. For now, I strongly recommend you to just keep your profile down and obey our every order without any complaint. Seriously, just – please, just –  _don't even try._  Okay? Don't even try. Do this, if not for yourself, then for Relena. For all of your friends."

"I understand," Heero responded drowsily, blinking repeatedly as he felt a wave of enervation suddenly washed over him. Sally took out a hypodermic needle from her white coat, staring at her patient for a moment before injecting its content into Heero's arm. Only in a few seconds, Heero had already fallen asleep; the concise conversation had drained his energy. Sally took a deep breath, adjusting the thick blanket over her patient's body, and exited the quiet ICU room filled with the hiss from the respiration machine.

* * *

* * *

_1500 hours_

Daylight filtered through the cracks between the vertical blind obscuring the window. Relena rose up on her feet, to the window, and pulled the blind's handle to slide it open so the sunlight could brighten the dim hospital bedroom. She sighed, turning around to see the sleeping figure on the bed, disconsolate.

Heero was lying still, deep in slumber under the effects of medications. He had been moved to a general room from ICU; the doctors had cleared him to be stable enough post his short-coma. His features were lax – his harsh expression always betrayed his awareness; so Relena really loved to see how he seemed so relaxed and peaceful now, though it was smeared with the fact that he was sick. It showed his humanity – that he was no different to others.

Tears gathered in the corner of her eyes. She took a deep breath, trying to hold her cry at bay. She never had thought if she could easily lost him to something as conventional as an organ transplantation and its side effects. He was a man who had jumped off  _high_  buildings without hesitation; a man who had self-detonated in a  _goddamn_ Gundam (and miraculously survived); a man who had leapt out of a  _flying_  spacecraft at a staggering speed to another craft, to get his Gundam and rescue her. He had done so many impossible things; had pulled some questionable moves and stunts in his days. As a soldier, he was extremely calculated; he had never treated his cause so carelessly – afraid that he might fail. When the missions offered him only limited options, he would willingly (and foolishly, in Relena and Duo's account) placed a fatal flaw in his favour. There was no word failure in his dictionary.

Relena caressed his warm hand timidly. A lump made its way through her throat, and it took her whole will to not let out a sob. Taking another deep breath, she reached a Bible from the top of the nightstand, glancing dolefully at the young commander and her heart palpitated intensely in her chest for seconds when she saw that Heero was awake, staring at her tentatively.

"Good Lord, Heero – you just made me got a heart attack!" she breathed weakly, rubbing a hand on her chest. "You were awake?"

"What are you doing here?" Heero inquired quietly, blinking a few times as drowsiness still paralysing his senses.

"Taking a break," she said jokingly. Heero frowned, confused. She only shrugged and smiled, not offering further explanation. Heero wandered his eyes around the room, looking lost.

"What time is it?" he questioned.

"It's 3 pm," said Relena, worried. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Heero answered softly. "Why are you here?"

"Like I said, taking a break. And I thought you may want to be kept informed… Heero, Schneider was sentenced to life. Dorothy has been officially pointed as the ESUN's president. Göstav and his guerrilla have yet made any further actions, but with Wufei's absolute authority in Mars, we are positive that we will get advanced progress soon. You don't have to worry, all of your tactical schemes have been personally checked by Lady Une and Duo. All Preventers official has been informed and we make sure it will be executed exactly by your proposals."

"I understand. Thank you."

For a while, there was only a tranquil silence in the room. Relena continued to study his pallid face and gaunt features: it didn't fit him at all. She took in all the readings from the chart by his headboard, relieved that his vitals seemed to be fine and stabilised for the last few hours. Heero stared at her, and spoke quietly: "Relena, I'm sorry."

She returned her attention back to Heero, not really knowing what to say. She just… felt woe, inconsolable, miserable… and in lachrymose mood these days. She looked back at Heero dourly, hopeless.

"You've outdone yourself this time, Heero," Relena ventured helplessly. "I… don't really know what to say, honestly. You promised me  _to_  take a good care of yourself. Why didn't you tell me? Why? You were in pain. You were deteriorating. I've heard everything from Sally. Why didn't you tell me? This was why you accepted the desk job in the Preventer, then?"

"Yes." Heero answered soberly without hesitation. He didn't deny her hidden yet clear accusation.

"How long was it that time?"

"A month, give or take."

"A month," she repeated shakily and no longer willing to hold back, tears welled in her eyes. "A month of regression in service as a vice minister personal bodyguard. You were really trying to kill yourself, then, Heero? Despite everything you've been telling me?"

"No," he answered with genuine candour. A sharp pang of indescribable vehement hit his chest when he saw how hurt Relena was.  _And it was all his fault..._  "Relena, I am sorry. I never had no such intention. I was trying to figure out things to be able to take the right decisions on my part."

"Then what is  _this?"_  Relena cried out as she gestured to the equipments; rising into her feet, her eyes were hurt and bitter. A rough flow of emotions surging through her whole body, making her trembling badly. " _This_ , Heero, is what would I call as  _suicide!_  Good Lord! You are always like this – as if everything's happening now is not already  _disastrous!_  Don't you understand? What if – if something happened to you, and then suddenly you were just gone?! I can't lose you, I don't want to lose you! I can't imagine my life without you – I can't live without you! Do I have to spill it out for you – for Christ's sake,  _I love you!_ "

Relena jerked back and breathed sharply when she realised what she had said in the burst of her emotional pressure. Heero's eyes widened, the Prussian blue orbs were intense, honest; and kind.

"I am sorry," he repeated, and to Relena's surprise, reaching a hand to her in which she accepted hesitantly. Her cheeks were hot and she felt like wanted to bury herself into the ground and not to emerge ever again. "I am sorry. I know it was my fault. I am so sorry for causing you troubles."

Relena groaned and buried her burning face into her free palm. _Shit, what have I done?!_ "No, Heero, forget what I said – I didn't mean to, it's just – Oh, Lord…"

"Thank you for your feeling," he said softly, squeezing her hand tighter. "For what it's worth, I do value your company, your friendship. When others walk away, you stay with me, and you make me realise how important you are for me. You helped me to the best of your abilities. You've seen me through my very worst patches. For I lack the experience to say for certain, I don't know how to tell you regarding 'love'. But I believe if the feeling of a life without you is mutual, then I don't know what to call it but 'love', too."

Relena blinked in amazement and disbelief as she dug deeper into the deep blue eyes. Her tears continued to fall down her cheeks; sobbing even louder when his pale and thin finger reached to her face to wipe her tears.

"Thank you," he whispered solemnly, "for making me into a whole person. Thank you for making into a mutual individual who has values in them. I just don't want the world you have been put so much effort into to build to fail. I don't want to fail you."

"Oh, how you've been a fool, Heero Yuy! After all the times we have spent so much together, you still don't understand? It would not mean anything for me if the world you protect is without you! It's not just me – Duo, Quatre, Wufei, and everyone – we need you. We all need you. You're a dear and precious friend to us. Don't you dare do something like this again." Relena squeezed back the frail hand; painfully aware at how lanky he was. "We will go through this together. I'll be by your side. So please, let me, let everyone takes care of you. It's our turn to pay the debt. I promise we will go through this, Heero, together. Can you promise me too?"

"Yes," Heero nodded slowly, "I promise you."

The hospital room fell silence; a one with such sincere solemnity. Relena brought his hand to her face, relishing every moment she could spend with Heero. The orange rays of afternoon sunlight basked the room; and Heero nudged her finger with his.

"Look," he said, "the sun is beginning to set in horizon. Cherish every horizon while you still can, Relena. You have yet to see this entire world. They can be your strength."

"And yours too," Relena smiled back. "We still have a long way to go, so you have to get well soon. We're in this together."

Heero gave his rare smile, and they quietly continued to gaze at the setting sun; simply enjoying each other presence.

They still had another day to greet, and they were grateful for it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The doctors' advanced diagnosis on Heero weighed down on everyone and started to take a toll on Relena. Meanwhile, the Preventers were starting to set on the uproar when the unthinkable was happening.

 

_April 15, AC 200_

_Mars Preventer Base HQ, 2000 hours_

Chang Wufei was rarely in a good mood, but the one week (by Earth numeration) flight to Mars had taken its toll on his already noxious mood. Knowing well at how bad tempered he was, Wufei started to query if his recent appointment was the right thing to be done.

But he couldn't go back now. His promise and  _his_ plea… He remembered the last time he met Heero Yuy in his hospital room, along with Quatre Winner, a day before his departure.

Sally had made sure they had worn the sterile hospital gown along with medical gloves and mask before entering Heero's room; saying that his immune system was more vulnerable than ever. Heero was lying in a sitting position, supported by pillows; looking completely exhausted and buggered. It sent Wufei a cold sensation for seeing him in such vulnerable state; it felt horribly wrong to see him like this. This was the man that had fought along with him in a Gundam and was unbeatable; this was the man that had helped him went through his most difficult of moments and decisions during their time as fellow Preventer special agent – the man in whom he respected and relied on for watching his back – even though he would never admit it by Heero's face. Wufei was surprised at how much his fellow agent changed through the years. His dangerous aura had diminished; replaced by a solemn and serene one. The fire in his Prussian blue eyes were now warm; still intense but in a way that was both tender and meek.

"Thank you," was what came out first from Heero, "for taking on my request."

Wufei glared at Heero before sighing in exasperation. "You're being unreasonable, Yuy. Adamantine. This self-destructive nature of yours have to change. You're only hurting Darlian this way."

"I know."

"Then why? Care to explain?"

Heero's gaze averted to the window. "I am only good at fighting. Fighting is the only way I know to change this world."

Wufei didn't know what to say to the unexpected statement; for he felt exactly the same.

Quatre put his hand over Heero's arm. "You know, I used to have difficulties to feel you." The blond young man's eyes were glistening with traitorous tears. "Now… you're easier to read and I am so glad that you can overcome your doubts. But I – I'm feeling the pain you have, Heero. You're in so much pain. Shall I call for a nurse?"

"No, there would be no need for that. I have been in much worse pain than now. I'll be fine."

"Heero, I can  _feel_  you wasting away," Quatre whispered miserably. "But I reckon you would not want me to say a word on this matter, would you?"

"I don't know," said Heero softly. "Honestly, I could not even judge what is right or not. I don't always have the answer, Quatre. Most of times I rely on Relena for these. It has never been my expertise, after all."

Even Wufei couldn't hold back a slight smirk at this. Quatre let out a stifled laugh.

"Anyway," Wufei began, "why me, Yuy? Head of Mars Preventer Base? My temper would possibly attract troubles in that kind of position. Are you sure with it? I don't think it would work – "

"I trust you," said Heero simply, his deep blue eyes penetrating through Wufei's every senses. "You have been a trustworthy comrade and friend. I put my complete trust on you. There is no other person I could trust to do it, Wufei."

"Why not Maxwell, then?"

A low grunt escaped Heero's throat. "He is not suitable for such a job. As much as I depend on his skills, I believe his expertise lays… in other places."

Quatre chuckled and Wufei's stiff posture relaxed at this. "Maybe you are right. If you say so, then I will trust your judgment, Yuy. It's an honour to be rewarded such faith from you. You can be at ease that everything will be put back in order. I will not fail."

"Don't be afraid of failure," Heero's voice was barely more than a whisper; his gaze was distant. "They make you learn and grow."

An awkward silence fell between the three young men. Wufei caught Quatre was wincing by the corner of his eyes; and Wufei stared at the bedridden man with concern. Heero's eyes were closed; his expression was pained. Wufei reached a hand to the bell hanging by the side of the bed, but Heero suddenly opened his eyes and shook his head.

"Don't bother," he assured. "I've been like this since yesterday. There is nothing much can be done. Still a whole lot better of choice than self-detonated, I reckon, though. The pain is still tolerable."

Quatre gave off a weak gasp. "Heero, don't say such thing! Please!"

Wufei cursed in his mind and sighed. "I can't understand your sense of joke, seriously, Yuy. I hope you have not been feeding Darlian with those dark incarnation of yours."

Heero shrugged. "I have not. Contradictory, she is the one who has been stoking me with her too optimistic way of life."

"'To live a good life is to act on your emotions'," Wufei reminded carefully. "For once, perhaps I shall enlighten you regarding this. Darlian is doing what exactly you've told her."

Heero regarded his two friends an understanding and, in Quatre's ability of empathy, relieved look. "Then I have nothing to regret for what I know that the person in charge is eligible. Spoken like a true pacifist, she has been…"

"Oh, Heero," Quatre spoke ruefully; "it's too early to say it. Do you have something in your mind now?"

All traces of sickness quickly vanished from Heero's features as the question popped up. Wufei watched in silent amazement at how drastically the changes took effect: the Prussian blue eyes were sharp and bright; his posture erect, conveying his powerful presence.

"Yes," he said calmly. "My subordinates that are currently blending in as site workers in Mars have been giving me information I needed. Wufei, I have a favour to ask."

Wufei straightened up on his seat. "Anything, Yuy."

"As a friend," Heero's voice softened. Wufei acknowledged with a small smile. "If possible, I don't want to have to take on the hard approach. But if it came to where we would have to…" Heero's eyes turned to a grimmer shade, "then our execution of them will be for justice, and not for revenge. Revenge will take you nowhere. I need you to make everyone under your command understand that, Wufei. If our actions clouded with our personal judgment, there will be no justice. If it happens, then there will be no end to these conflicts. The chain will only repeat. It will no end."

"I understand," Wufei said solemnly. "I see your point. Justice, huh? Surely human had lingered too long in the realm of hatred and animosity. But still… you've been peeking into these notions during your short off-duty, eh?"

Heero glanced at the Chinese young man with bright eyes. "I believe I might be a lot of pacifist long even before we met, Wufei."

"Reflected on your judgment and action through the years, Heero," said Quatre earnestly. "Well, before we leave and let you have your rest…"

"Yes," Wufei cleared his throat. "All we want to say is – thank you, Yuy, for everything you've done and make our job easier. If you need anything – you know who to call. We will adjourn Göstav for sure, and will avoid war at any cost."

"I trust you," said Heero simply. "As long as there are still people like you, humanity would still can be saved."

And so Wufei promised his fallen comrade; a one heavy responsibility that he knew of. He was never one that excelled at socialising; and understanding people on top of that. He was as bad as Heero in the premises – or maybe, he was even worst. So how the hell was he going to do the task as Heero asked him to; he still didn't know. Maybe it wasn't right to give the job to him after all…

He suddenly realised that it wasn't battles and such that Heero expected him to do – this time, it was out of his expertise: understanding people.

 _Damn,_  he thought dourly,  _this is one lousy way to make me to, Yuy… you wanted me to talk to Darlian in the first place and to_ fathom _her ways of doing things until now. This is lame… so lame that I wanted to smack you right in the face and say thank you to you in person._

 _Oh, to hell it is._  He was given the mission; and he was god damn to succeed. Growling in annoyance and new determination, Wufei began rummaging through the papers and called in for certain lady for a favour.

* * *

* * *

_February, AC 199_

_Massachusetts Institute of Technology, USA_

Sally Po glared at her watch for the nth time in the last ten minutes, tapping her black boot impatiently. She was in the common room in the Simons Building [1] on the campus as her paper told him to, waiting for a scheduled meeting with one of the Preventer's commander who was currently going undercover in the institute. She admitted that the institute deserved its reputation through the centuries. Many of Preventers' top-skilled agents and head mechanic, analyst, and engineers were MIT graduates.

"Sorry." A calm and deep voice called in an apologetic tone from Sally's back.

"Fifteen minutes," Sally accused curtly, glaring at the tall figure now seated in front of her. "This is so unlike you, Yuy."

"The professor delayed me," Heero said wearily, avoiding eye contact as he sighed and took off his thin-framed dark glasses. "I'm sorry."

Sally raised an eyebrow, not buying her friend's blatant lie. "I don't know if other people already told you, but you're a very terrible liar, Heero."

Heero sighed again. "I'm sorry. Just get to the mission. What is it?"

Sally frowned upon Heero's uncharacteristic behaviour, but she decided to drop the matter for now. "Read this first." She shoved a plain back thin folder to Heero, lowering her voice, "A party has hijacked into our security system. Duo has been investigating it for almost two days now, but the other party always slips away at the last second. We couldn't even near the line; any source, it's like a ghost connection – they're covered."

All traces of fatigue were erased instantly from Heero's features, replaced by a strong and dark aura of his perfect soldier mode; his voice strong. "Anything changed or missing?"

Sally shifted uncomfortably at this. "The standard security protocols. And…"

Heero's cold Prussian blue eyes betrayed no emotion. "… The entire ESUN's official authorities' private information were accessed by an anonymous protocol.  _And_  your personal files."

The ex-pilot of Wing Zero gave away a vicious scowl at this. "How could it happen? It is highly confidential. Only Lady Une herself and  _I_ myself have access to those servers. This is ridiculous, Po."

"You're the one who developed our whole security program and system, Heero," Sally shot back. "That's why I'm turning this to you."

Heero didn't budge. " _And_  surely you are fully aware that I have briefed all the engineers and computer analysts all the basic of my programming. It is more ridiculous if Preventer's blaming it on  _me now._  You yourself know very well the security level of my programming system. You have no excuse."

"All the more that we have no other options but you," Sally explained rigidly, throwing an apologetic look to her commander. "But that's not what I have come here for in the first place."

"What could be more dangerous than someone hijacking into my system – the Preventer's main system? Take me to the headquarters immediately. We cannot afford to lose any more second."

"Wait, Heero. Just let me explain first," Sally shook her head. "Lady Une told me that your current activities, including your role and position in the Preventer are not included in your Preventer identification files. Other ex-Gundam pilots' personal files are also in the system – but they weren't budged at all. It was only yours. You are not safe, Heero, Lady Une thinks that it's best for you to keep a low profile in here – continue your undercover. We would assume that it's safe here for the time being. We're taking precautions, we're sure that the HQ is being watched. I've not been coming to the office for the last week, I was sent here through an encrypted patch to inform this to you."

"My safety does not concern me," Heero pointed out detachedly.

"Oh, I'm  _sure_  Relena thinks otherwise," Sally snarled impatiently. "You're always like this when problems arise. What  _is it_  with you?"

Heero ignored the question, scanning information provided within the folder. "I still need to breach into the HQ's network for a start. I need access to one of the computers to detect their pattern. They might leave some traces undetected by the engineers."

"What do you mean by their pattern?" asked Sally, utterly confused. Heero stared at Sally silently for a moment, before elaborating indifferently, "We must take  _absolute_  precautions. It is safe to assume that they are very well might be a whole functioning organisation, following with these various uprising in many regions in Europe and North America. I suspect that it is surely related with this accident."

Sally nodded in agreement, silently observing the young man in front of her. "I'll see what I can do for the HQ's network and computer. Heero, you don't look good. Have you been taking care of yourself lately? I know their coursework combined with your job is overwhelming in here, but you really shouldn't neglect – "

"Is none of your business," Heero said curtly, ending the conversation. "As you said, I still have much work to be done, so if you don't have anything more to offer, I will be taking my leave. I will wait for your further contact. I admit this was not in my extrapolation, and it was my fault. I… have been distracted by other matters."

"What matters?" Sally pounced sharply.

"Shall not concern you," Heero's unusually distant gaze sent a shiver down Sally's spine. "Your call, Sally. I shall expect hearing from you at the very least in 12 hours."

Sally was taken aback at this, but she wasn't going to give up that easy. An idea blazed in her mind. Rising to her feet, she raised her voice; slamming her hand on the table and snapped spitefully, "You're not going anywhere, Adrian Zhou! We're gonna talk right now, like it or not! I'm tired with being ignored just because of that girl!"

It was worth the ignominy. Heero's face turned into a deep shade of red; his glare was deadlier than Sally had ever seen. People in the room turned to them; looking surprised and amused. Some girls giggled and boys laughed. Sally was beginning to feel guilty (and very much scared), afraid that she had gone too far. She nervously watched the eerily quiet young man in front of her, waiting for his response. Finally, after a seemingly awfully long time, Heero also stood up and spoke calmly – loud enough – with a thick British accent, "Fine, you want to talk. Not here. Get a hold of yourself, Sally. You are just abashing yourself."

Heero put his glasses back on and began to walk to the door. A guy, apparently Heero's friend, called out nervously when Heero walked past him, "Adrian, is everything alright?"

Sally looked in utter amazement when Heero offered an uncharacteristic smile; an amused smile that hid well all of traces of the soldier she knew of him. "Nothing big, Steve. You know women, how they are easily upset. I was just only taking my notes from Sheila, really." Heero winked an eye to the Steve guy and actually made the gesture of hiding a stifled laugh – like any other normal guy that shared a mutual understanding as a fellow  _man_. Heero turned back to the dumbfounded Sally and called out, "Are you coming or not? I have a lab session next and I don't have much time."

Sally groggily muttered something as she ran to catch up to Heero. Heero turned to Steve and said casually, "See you later, Steve," and exchanged a  _high-five_  with the guy.

"Adrian, maybe you should consider that women are easily upset because you lot, men, are probably the stupidest creature in the world," a girl who was sitting next to Steve remarked, "you don't strike me as a guy with troubles. Where's the Brit gentleman within you?"

"I am an enigma," Heero smirked arrogantly. "Or perhaps because I'm a  _Brit?"_

"Sure you are," the girl rolled her eyes in amusement and turned to Sally, smiling warmly. "Don't worry, he was just really taking the notes from Sheila. Nothing's going on between 'em. Nerdies are not Sheila's cup of tea, I'm afraid."

Sally offered an awkward smile to the girl, not knowing what to do in the unexpected turn of events. But Heero didn't seem to be bothered, and continued to play along smoothly.

"Nerdies are exceptionally ordinary then, I reckon?" Heero returned with a mock, and the girl stuck her tongue out.

"In  _here_ , yes," she scoffed, waving a  _hush_ gesture to Heero, "so I guess you're not much of an enigma. Shame. You've got good enough traits, though. Not cup of my tea, still."

Heero sneered. "You won't be seeing me coming  _to_  you, I shall make sure of that. Come on, Sally."

Steve and the girl waved Heero and Sally a goodbye as both of them exited the common room to the deserted corridor. Heero led Sally downstairs where the work quarters of the graduate students resided, to a door with a plaque read  _Adrian Zhou – MIT Mathematics._

Heero opened the door and stepped back, "Come in," he said, and Sally obeyed silently. Heero followed her and closed the door behind him.

"That was  _original_ , Po," Heero pointed out, throwing himself into the leather armchair stood behind the big wooden desk nearby the window. He heaved a Heero's atypical heavy and weary sigh, rubbing his eyes and taking off his glasses. "You have my praise."

"And I have to compliment you for your exceptionally, stunning act," said Sally, still feeling amazed and unbelieving. She took a seat on the leather sofa in the centre of the room. "You're a very good actor, I say. So you go by Brits, eh?"

"My already subtle British accent fits the most," Heero poured himself a glass of water. "Tea? Coffee?"

"How thoughtful of you," Sally teased and threw her look around the neat room. Shelves covering the four sides of wall; full with various mathematics and computer science engineering books. Sally noticed lots of crumpled papers sprawled on the wooden desk and small tables outspread the room, also on the glass table in front of her; with Heero's tiny and neat handwriting. "I must say, you changed a lot. But I find it pleasant, so don't worry."

Heero stood up and proceeded to the coffee table by the window across from the wooden desk. He produced a mug of hot coffee, and joined Sally in the couch.

"People change," said Heero quietly, handing the mug to Sally. "I hope I change into a better one based on your statement."

"You've done a good job," said Sally softly.

"Just 'good'? I remember I used to be rumoured to be enthralling."

"Oh, you see yourself too high," Sally scolded playfully, sipping her coffee. "Anyway, I'm surprised that you will actually tell me. Continuing our subject then, what matters that might distract the perfect soldier?"

"I thought that you might enlighten me as to what is happening to…  _me_ ," Heero mumbled, uncertain. Sally frowned; she had never seen Heero in such state. He usually was always full of his characteristic aplomb; resonating the people around him an assured tone. "Find out what it is, please."

"What – what do you mean? I don't get you. You're not feeling well?" Sally was getting dead worried.

"Yes."

"All right," said Sally, uncertain. The quick and confident answer twisted Sally's stomach. "You can start with what do you find unusual. I'm listening."

"I get easily tired."

"Perhaps it is because you are overexerting. Lack of sleep and food, with your current working capacity, is a bad combination, I believe. You really ought to try to sleep and eat properly. Vitamins might help, but you shouldn't be relying on them."

Heero stared at Sally with unreadable expression. "You don't understand. I don't get tired."

_There. He just said what she was most afraid of. Of course he doesn't…_

"We never know," Sally quickly faked a smile. "Human body is one of the most unexpected phenomena. We might never know. Well, we can run a whole test if you want. It won't hurt to take one after a while. I can arrange for you – "

"There is more," Heero interrupted. "My strength is failing. I'm not as strong as I should have been. And – sometimes I feel… pain."

Sally stared at Heero grimly. "I'm sure you remember your first Preventer's medical check-up prior your placing as Relena's security? Do mind that this is no longer formal business – I speak to you now as a friend. I have consulted the matter with Lady Une; all the while keeping an eye on your regular medical reports since the last few months. Heero, I believe the manipulations and alterations done to you play a big role in this."

The Prussian blue eyes shimmered solemnly. "I understand."

"I'm sure there is way, Heero," Sally whispered; her fingers around the mug tightened considerably.

"I will not ask you to fight nature, Sally," said Heero quietly, "I have come to learn to accept it."

Sally could only smiled sadly, sighing in acknowledgement as she continued to drink her coffee.

"I will only inquire of you a small favour," Heero spoke fervently. "You are not to tell anyone about this. This will be only between you, Une, and me. Only the three of us."

"But – " Sally began, but Heero shook his head slowly; a very serious look in his eyes. "Your word, Sally."

"But Relena – "

" _Not to anyone. Your word."_

" _Fine,"_  Sally hissed spitefully. "But if she asks, I  _will_  tell her."

"Why would she ever – "

"Don't take her for a fool," Sally warned him. "She was never a fool."

Heero regarded Sally a thoughtful look. "No," he agreed, "she never was."

* * *

* * *

_April 19, AC 200_

_ESUN Government Headquarters Building, Brussels_

_1200 hours_

The spring sun was high over the city of Brussels, but Trowa Barton could see the grey sky and dark clouds closing in from the outline. Trowa checked at the small desk clock, noting it was already lunch time. He collected the folders in front of him, and took a glance to the young vice minister in the room. She was still deep in concentration to her works, so Trowa decided to wait for a few minutes.

Trowa threw his look around the large office room. He was occupying the other smaller office desk, which used to be Heero's. Traces of its previous occupants still evident on the desk. There was another person in charge of Relena's security after Heero resigned, and there were two bright green of post-it notes latched on the left edge of the monitor.

_All files are to be finished filing by the time of 05.00 pm sharp. All files are to go through last check before submitted directly, none to others, to Commander Une._

This one was of Heero's note. Trowa recognised the tiny, sharp and neat handwriting.

_Re-submissions and recheck are required by Mr Yuy by the end of every week before 3.30 pm._

This was also Trowa knew of. Even though Heero had retired, at the time he insisted and requested to Lady Une that all of Relena's security procedures and papers were still to be screened and approved by him – these went the same with the president and the vice president's. Trowa presumed that Heero had already his own analysis regarding the situation and, as usual, had tried to take on precautions into his own hands. That was why Heero had taken a suspicion of possible internal treachery.

 _12.05 pm._  Trowa rose on his feet and approached Relena's desk.

"Ms Darlian," said Trowa, "it's lunch time."

Relena jerked lightly, slightly surprised as she looked up. "Oh, Trowa! You startled me. And how much do I have to tell you if it's just 'Relena', please? You make me uncomfortable."

"Right. Sorry," Trowa apologised. "Relena, it's lunch time."

"All right," Relena said with a sigh, stretching her arms over her head. "Oh, it's getting dark. I wonder if it's going to rain."

"Probably yes," said Trowa. "I think it's wiser to just have our lunch just in the dining hall, Ms Darli – Relena."

Relena chuckled at his attempt. "Yes, I believe so. I intend to pay Heero a visit, though… but it seems it won't do. I can't afford to procrastinate  _again._  Why wouldn't they let me work in the hospital?"

"Sally's doing it for Heero's own good," said Trowa patiently. "You know that he is at the most risky of getting infections. You cannot afford risk his possibilities with us bringing diseases from outside."

"I know that. I mean, why wouldn't they let me just work in the waiting quarter? I have no problem with the waiting room. And then I'll be back here by afternoon."

"I doubt," Trowa smiled thinly. "You would probably spend the rest of your day there, waiting for visiting hours to come just to annoy the doctors, and ended up spend a night in there."

Relena pouted nonsense. "But they have been disallowing me to see him the past week."

"Anyway, it'd be best for him to be put in the isolation for now," Trowa continued. "Making up for the loss of post-surgery recuperating time he should have obeyed. It's not like you are forbidden to see him forever. We will be able to visit by the end of the week. Let him have his rest."

"I just want to be close with him," Relena admitted quietly. "After all the roller-coaster rides he's been giving us, I feel like I can't trust him enough to be out of my sight. You understand, right, Trowa?"

"All too well," Trowa shrugged. "Dropping a call wouldn't hurt, though."

"At least I still have options," Relena sighed again. "Right, lunch. Shall we go?"

"Ladies first," Trowa stepped backward and bowed slightly. Relena returned with a playful stoop and walked to the door first, but not before the phone on Relena's desk gave out a loud ring.

"Oh, pardon," Relena hurried back to her desk. Trowa noticed that the ringing phone was the one that connected to Heero's current secured line and none beside the ex-Gundam pilots, Lady Une, Sally, and Heero's independent unit had access to that line.  _Something happened._

"Relena Darlian speaking."

Trowa watched for any change of expression. His expectation didn't disappoint him; but he cursed in his mind when the change was that of all colours drained from the vice minister's face. "Yes – I understand. Thank you. I shall be there soon."

"What is it?" Trowa asked gently when Relena had put the phone back – with shaky hand. "Something happened?"

"Yes, I – " Relena whispered, collapsing on her chair. She swallowed hard, trying to hold back her overwhelming emotions. "It was Sally."

"Was it Heero?" Trowa put a hand around Relena's shoulder.

"He's been taken ill – Sally said it's better of me to go the hospital now," Relena answered dreadfully. "She said – she said that it might be as well to be threatening."

Trowa didn't ask further. "Then we shall go now. Come on. Calm down. He's going to be all right. Trust him."

"I have always trusted him," Relena let out a low squeak, "but I don't remember Heero being all too familiar with medical problems."

"Let's just go." Trowa helped the young woman on to her feet, leading her out the room.  _Of all times,_ he thought,  _you have to hang on, Heero. Not now, when everything's starting to pay you back._

_Just a little longer. A little longer…_

* * *

* * *

_April 19, AC 200_

_Preventer Brussels HQ, Medical Centre and Hospital floor_

_1230 hours_

Everything happened so fast.

What Sally feared of had happened. Heero had an infection, and was diagnosed with symptoms of fever and diarrhoea. Heero's doctors tended to keep a close monitor within another couple of hours to be able to determine whether it was infection or rejection.

"The symptoms are almost the same," the male doctor who – introduced himself as doctor Coppens – met them along with Sally explained to Trowa and Relena. "We would still observe if there should be any more signs of rejection. Because rejection can occur without causing any specific symptoms. The case is up to one in every three people."

"And if that occurs, what procedures should be taken?"

"In most cases, rejection can be successfully managed by altering the dose of immunosuppressant medication."

"So that'd be okay?"

"That  _should_  be okay." The doctor corrected.

"Then what is this all about?" Trowa asked; calm and composed as usual.

"Under our supervision within the last week, we noticed another symptoms that are not associated with the complications of liver transplant. It was something completely different." Sally said uncomfortably.

"What? What do you mean?" Relena inquired quietly. "What, what is it?"

"At first, we didn't take so far diagnosis, but looking back at Mr Yuy's medical history, we decided to take precaution test," Coppens' tone softened. "A weakened grip, weakness at his shoulder – the initial stage symptoms of motor neurone disease."

"Motor neurone disease?" repeated Relena dumbly, her brain refused to grind the information further for she was completely exhausted – emotionally.

"It is a rare condition that progressively damages parts of the nervous system," Coppens elaborated. "This leads to muscle weakness, often with visible wasting. It is also known as ALS –  _amyotrophic lateral sclerosis_ , and it occurs when specialist nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord called motor neurones stop working properly. A neurodegeneration, other would say. Motor neurones control important muscle activity, such as gripping, walking, speaking, swallowing, and breathing. As the condition progresses, patient will find some or all of those activities increasingly difficult.

"The symptoms begin gradually over weeks and months, usually on one side of the body initially, and get progressively worse. Now, the condition isn't usually painful, as damage progresses, symptoms spread to other parts of the body and the condition becomes more debilitating. Eventually, patient may be unable to move. Communicating, swallowing, and breathing may also become very difficult. And there is currently no cure for motor neurone disease."

"You are sure with the diagnosis?" Trowa asked, looking straight at Sally. He stood behind Relena and kept his hands on her shoulder; trying to offer little comfort. The young minister could only look at the doctor numbly, too devastated to give proper response.

"The results are in," said Coppens mildly. "The results are positive. I'm sorry."

"What we will have to do?" Relena said; her voice wavering. "What is it to come?"

"Treatment aims to make the patient comfortable and have the best quality of life possible, and compensate for the progressive loss of bodily functions."

"How – what have he said? Did he said anything?" Relena threw a pleading look to the doctor.

"Mr Yuy took the diagnosis quite poised," said Coppens. "As his next-of-kin, we thought it would be best for you to know his upcoming handicaps in results to his condition. We would highly recommend a professional living-in nurse, Ma'am. Even though he is still in the initial stage in which he probably would yet need a living-in nurse assistance, we shall take concern of his other current health authenticities. The initial symptoms usually develop slowly and subtly over time, but remember in Mr Yuy's current medical condition – he may lead to a quick degeneration process to the next stage, and surely we all would want to be at highest alert should the time comes."

"Can we – can we just see him?" Relena pleaded, "Please, can we just see him?"

"I don't think it's a good – " Sally began, but Coppens nodded and gave a light touch on Relena's hand.

"He is totally out. The complications has worn him out completely, and he is under heavy sedation from the medications," said Coppens. "Clean your hands with the hand septic gel and get your gown and gloves on. I'm really sorry, Minister, but you can only see him just for five minutes. Only five and no more."

"We got it," said Trowa calmly. "Thank you. Ms Darlian?"

"Yes," Relena whispered faintly. "Yes, I understand."

* * *

* * *

The isolation room was awfully quiet; only filled with hisses from the respiratory machine. Relena could only look dreadfully at the bed, and spluttered, "Why is he on intubation again?"

"We shall ask Sally about it," said Trowa quietly. He stood his place on the other side of the bed, studying the patient quietly. He noticed that all Heero's fingers – except his index and middle finger which were crooked – in his left hand were bent inside against the palm in a flagging way, like it was no longer possessing any strength. Trowa nudged Relena gently and nodded to the prognostication, "Relena."

Relena followed Trowa's eyes and held back her breath. With tears in the corner of her eyes, she reached for Heero's hand tentatively, and squeezed it. She closed her eyes, and she buried her face into Heero's arm.

"Never have I imagined I could – could…  _lose_  you this way, Heero," Relena tried to hold back her sob, to which she failed to. "Like this – seeing you like this, it doesn't feel right at all. Are you hurt? You're so warm…" she leaned in deeper, and squeezed tighter. "I want you to know that – that whatever you're going through, I will see that you go  _through_  it. I will see myself that you get everything you need. We'll be in this together… like we always have. It's going to be a great defeat, I know it… but I won't – we won't give up. Right? We'll fight this together. I'll be with you…"

" _We_  will be with you," Trowa corrected concisely. "You're not alone, Relena."

Relena touched the crooked fingers carefully. "Trowa, it's his left hand. He mostly uses his left hand…"

"He'll be all right," Trowa said confidently. "You ought to do more than that to cripple him. Three fingers down, seven to go."

"No big deal?" Relena suppressed a smile, wiping her tears. "You're right. We shall focus on the present. Whatever might come ahead, I guess we shall deal with it when the time comes."

"Precisely. When the time comes," Trowa repeated. "It's time. Let's go. Sally will immediately inform us should anything arises."

Relena took a last glance to the sleeping figure in the bed. She stared for a few moments before bracing herself forward, and planted a soft kiss on Heero's forehead (though she was impeded by her mask).

"I'll see you soon," she whispered, and kissed Heero's cheek. She longed to feel the skin with her lips, but she dreaded the thought that she might endanger his immune vitality. Sighing, she gave a last stroke to Heero's arm and exited the room with Trowa.

The door was already closed when Heero opened one eye slowly, and with trembling lips breathed out one word shakily,  _"Don't…"_

* * *

* * *

_April 21, AC 200_

_Austria Preventer Base_

_Donaustadt, Vienna, Austria_

The spacey office room was occupied by two men; one was sitting hunched over a laptop on the couch and the other was speaking quickly in the phone behind a large desk. Duo Maxwell tried to focus both on the phone and his computer, while Dorian Klark typing quickly whilst reading papers with lots of numbers and codes.

"YES!" Duo suddenly shouted and slammed hard a hand on the desk. Dorian jumped off his seat a few inches and let out a weak squeal. "I got 'em – we got 'em  _just right!_ Got it, got it – I'm sending backups, alright, hey, Dorian, I've just sent you message, open it in our application and do what it says – right, I'll do it as quick as possible, alright! Good job, Flynn, good job, well done indeed! I'll have to tell Heero in person – ha! I know we set 'em just right! Not a word to anyone but Une, you hear me? Yeah? Good boy!" Duo slammed back the phone and laughed victoriously. "Man, Heero's a fucking genius – Dorian, I know we agreed if the tough guy's indeed has dotty procedures – but we've gotta admit he's the man! Jesus, everything's going by his every calculations – he's nuts! Alright, all these adrenalines in my system, God, gotta calm down… you've done what I asked you?"

"Yes, sir, I have," Dorian calmed his own excited nerves; trying to focus on his task. "Miss Catalonia has sent back her response, and she is sending her men along with Commander Une. I'm proceeding to Miss Darlian, sir. I also have noticed all the branches in Asia and Australia, and they have spread the clearance to all part of the continents."

"All left is Wufei's territory then," Duo checked his own computer. "Yep, he's responding – said Une has sent him all the necessary legal and concession. Princess and Trowa are on their way to join him.  _Sweet!_ Come on, Dorian, drag your slow ass! We've got a nice flight to Germany and see all the fun parts ourselves! Fucking Christ, I bet Heero would all be just stoic as ever if he was to join us!"

"I can't get through Commander Yuy's line, sir," Dorian frowned. "Well, he has not been responding to our reports for the entire week, actually. Shall I – ?"

"Nah, he's probably just not in the mood to actually reply one-by-one all of our reports, but we all know him! In no time Une would send us his further instructions to us like usual," Duo waved a hand carelessly. The phone rang and Duo snatched it to his ear, listening eagerly and nodded. "Our carriage's waiting, Dorian – come on, what's got you so slow? Fetch your gears, don't forget your vest. Collect the others, I'll be waiting up!"

"Yes, sir." Dorian collected his things and followed his colleague in tow.

* * *

* * *

_Mars Preventer Base_

Chang Wufei stood rigidly in front of the people assembled in his quarter. His orders were clear – his commander had asked him to do the talk first. He had his observation – indeed, the ESUN's tendency to disregard the Martians had caused of all the uproars around the world. He had tried to talk with some of the workers in the terraforming site project, and with the help of his newly assigned assistance – a gentle and sweet woman with a name of Anna Bruce – he managed to establish a connection with the Martians. He learned from the leaders, indeed, that Heero's accusation wasn't wrong, but wasn't all true either. These people did not wish to have another war after all – but they didn't really have much of a choice, with Göstav strong influence and in debt for what he had done for the Martians; in summary, Göstav kept  _them_  alive. Wufei noticed the emergency situation and decided to take matters into his own hands before the Martians did what they were afraid most – forming an independent republic and declaring war on top of it. He requested to Dorothy Catalonia for a new treaty of law, and Relena Darlian was sent to Mars to take over the policies herself and to settle the legal procedures under the ESUN's policy.

Wufei admitted that the vice minister was the right person for the position. She certainly had the capabilities a vice foreign minister would require: she was indulgent, kind, sweet-tempered, and  _understanding_. She, in his favour, had taken the most right decision: she was to send the site workers back home, re-listing each family members as ESUN's legal citizens (to make sure that they would get the equal rights and obligations as any other ESUN citizens), and to halt the Mars Terraforming Project for the moment for further investigations. Preventers were already in motion to investigate and take precise undertake of the illegal arm traders and Gundanium materials.

"With this, we would only need your agreement on Mars Preventer's behalf for the execution tread, Chief," Relena Darlian announced to the room, looking straight at Wufei. "Shall you have your concern, Chief, and we would be honoured to hear from you."

"I shall only say that I believe this is the right thing to do, Minister," Wufei replied, and Relena nodded. "I know that Commander Yuy would agree with me – and he was a man of great acuities. I shall not worry. You have my word."

"Kind words, Chief, but I thank you for such rare opportunity coming out from you," Relena smiled. "Agent Maxwell is keeping you updated?"

"Yes, Minister. It's a shame that we were not given a choice – uprising in the coast of Oxelösund, nearby the Norrköping in Sweden. Also in Salzburg, Austria, near the border with Freilassing of Germany. Agent Klark only noticed us that everything is 'under control', and is 'going exactly by Commander Yuy's procedures'. I say that we shan't be bothered; they are the expert in the premises." Agent Bruce read the report in her hand.

"I understand," Relena bit her lip, drawing a short sigh. "Very well. Then I will leave the remaining frameworks to you, Chief, I guess?"

"Certainly," Wufei gave a quick salute. "Leave it to us, Minister. You are done with your job and you had a splendid one. Rest assured that everything will be sorted in order."

"I wish to stay for another day to talk with the people," Relena remarked firmly. "I need to know and understand what it takes for them from now on. I want to hear their voice."

Wufei opened his mouth to voice his consent, but then the phone rang out and Agent Bruce hurried to pick it up. Wufei took a notice that it was a video call, and turned expectantly to the wall and was immediately in alert when Duo Maxwell's grim face greeted them.

"Commander Une was dead." Was all Duo said, and Wufei actually felt his heart collapsed to his stomach.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] The Simons Building, previously known as simply Building 2, is home to the Department of Mathematics of MIT. It was recently finished renovation and is renamed to Simons Building in honour to James H. ('58) and Marilyn Simons.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gruelling disease slowly showed its true colours. Relena tried to convince Heero of their way together to the future - she needed to make him understand to face the upcoming impediments that would come their path.

 

_April 27, AC 200_

_Vice Foreign Minister Residency, Brussels_

Heero woke up with a start.

He blinked a few times as traces of drowsiness still lingering within him. His left limbs trembled as he sat up shakily; and he used his right hand to pull up his weight. His room was dark; there was only a slight glimpse of light from the lamp on his nightstand. His eyes fell on the wall clock in front of him; it read 7 pm. He overslept a couple of hours, then.

Heero slowly moved to the edge of the bed, and stood up carefully. Dragging his nearly dysfunctional left leg, he limped to the desk beside the bed and seated himself on the chair. He reached for his laptop and logged in, frowning as he checked his mails.

The death of Lady Une had blown the entire Preventer with condolences and shock. She was shot in the exchange of gunshots fire in the Preventer's international-scale raid which took place a week ago, in the front line. Casualties couldn't be avoided, Heero knew this; because Göstav's forces were well-organised, well-equipped, and most importantly, well-fed. He apprehended eminently at how well-fed soldiers could be very well daunting; for he experienced it himself during the war. The raid lasted well into three days across the continents, before finally Heero's unit under Duo's command gained the ground of immobilising Göstav himself – at the cost of his life, for Göstav didn't have the noble intention to surrender at all. But it was out of his calculation that Une would actually go into the front line herself – he respected her decision, but he had hoped that she would not be one of the casualties for he had learned to trust the woman to be one of his greatest strengths. She was a great friend, a dependable colleague, and a charismatic leader.

He was immediately alerted of the situation when he woke up in the hospital; and took over the chain of command to quickly arrange the necessary actions despite the strong objection from Sally for him not to go back to  _work_ so quickly. Of course Heero ignored her; but he had kindly – in his favour – not overexerted himself. He obeyed Sally's request to just do his job from the hospital, "You would only need to administer your issues via the computer, and your men would take care of everything. It's technology, Heero – you've got no excuse."

So Heero consented, and fully understanding his own condition, he pointed Wufei as temporary commander. Wufei declined the appointment fiendishly, saying that there was no other person was appropriate for the job but him – Wufei would only act as a transitory chief of staff; only executing orders and policies which would still be proposed by Heero.

Thus, he canvassed a new scheme for the invasion raid, leading the Preventer, once again, to victory. He was told by Sally that Relena had arranged everything for him to stay at the vice minister residency; his few clobbers and accoutrements from his flat in the Preventer's residence complex had been removed. At first, the idea struck him with a deal of dismay; him living together with the vice foreign minister seemed not right – but then Relena had talked with him in person, promising him that it would be kept a silence and only a few would know. Relena wouldn't accept any arguments; and had been adamantine with the issue.

"I am your next-of-kin," Relena reminded him. "I am responsible of you. I will not accept a no in this matter. Coppens and Sally have told you, I believe, and like it or not, you're not facing this alone. You will not live all by yourself anymore – I am  _your_ family. I suppose you are aware of this?"

"Yes, certainly," he agreed to her, "all right. I understand."

"You are  _not_  a burden," Relena emphasised firmly. "Please understand that you will need assistance and support from now on ahead, and if it isn't your family who will be able to give you that, then who else? You need your family and your friends. Give it a proper thought, contradictory, you will  _be_  a burden if you are to persist to not get any medical support and assistance. In the end, it would be  _me_  who is responsible for anything happened to you."

And she was right, of course. Who was he, to refuse the offer, for him also in the debt of Relena's kindness through the years? He knew very well that if it wasn't for Relena's company, he wouldn't have survived the struggle to cope with the new life after war. All of her support and obstinacy to stay with him  _made_  him survive.

Now to his own current…  _casualties_. He had been told everything regarding his illness – now he was fighting a different battle. He comprehended, though, that it wasn't a fight, it was going to be a very heavy defeat – they gave him two years life expectancy. Sally reminded him of that fact. Strangely, the constant dark thought to not to fight back and just welcomed death which was lingering in his mind was no longer existed – no, he couldn't die now. He didn't  _want_ to die. Every time he thought about dying, his mind would jump to Relena…  _and he wanted to be with her._  He didn't want to leave her.

He was confused at his own self. When Relena was around, his heart would palpitate against his ribs in an indescribable feeling – he felt hot, and his eyes felt like it couldn't leave from her presence. He felt…  _nervous, excited, and warm…_ a kind of warmth that made him safe and comfortable, in a way that burnt his whole body with a surge of positive emotions and thoughts. For the first time in his harsh life, Heero felt safe. He felt wanted… he was finally  _home_  – with  _her_. He had a place to go home… to Relena.

His thoughts were interrupted when a soft knock fell on his door. "Come in."

The heavy wooden door opened and he flicked on the switch on the nightstand. The room went bright at once, and Heero noticed it was his nurse; a motherly middle-aged woman named Karla, bringing a glass of water and his prescriptions on a small tray.

"You're awake, sir," Karla greeted, placing the tray on his desk. "Your dinner is ready. Would you want to have it downstairs or in here?"

"You would not have to ask, I will be down in a minute," said Heero softly – he had grown fond for the kind woman and her motherly affections. "You should have known by now, I reckon."

"There will always a possibility that you might have a bad day and don't feel like going out from your room," Karla suggested. She chuckled at his bewildered expression. "Nothing, silly. I'll be waiting in the dining room. You overslept, then? Are you tired?"

"No, I'm fine," Heero brushed off her concern. "It's the work, I guess."

"Take it easy," said Karla kindly. "Miss Relena would be back in a couple of hours. Would you be requiring anything before I go back down?"

"No, thank you." Heero reached for the tray and drank his medicines. He was already familiar with the routine. "Well," he added, "after some consideration, maybe you could expect I will be down in a few minutes."

"Certainly," Karla smiled. "No rush." She collected the tray back when Heero was finished and left the room without another word. Glancing at his laptop, Heero groaned softly as he pulled up himself. He walked back to his bed where a pair of black trousers and a grey, sleek wool pullover was folded neatly on the edge. He presumed Karla must had prepared them when he was sleeping.

Looking at the pieces of clothing with great displeasure, Heero sat on the mattress and removed his t-shirt with quite difficulty. His left hand refused to cooperate willingly, and he was already feeling slightly sore when the t-shirt finally went loose over his head. The trousers were much a tolerant business. He glared at it, though, when he found it was more difficult to put it on than off.

Finally he was dressed completely. He tossed his previous clothes to the laundry basket next to the door and exited his room.

He realised how difficult it was when some of his body parts couldn't function normally. Getting down – and mainly up – the stairs was a proven arduous task for him now; it made him frustrated. He had to rely on Karla's support for climbing up the stairs. But he was Heero Yuy, so he didn't complaint at all – he accepted it as a challenge, so he sought his own way to overcome his shortcomings.

Karla was waiting for him in the table. He considered for a few moments, before joining her and asked flatly, "How long did I take?"

"Only a mere more than ten minutes," said Karla lightly, preparing his plate. "Caesar salad, like Miss Relena told the chef. She told us you're quite fond of salads."

Heero nodded in acknowledgment. "Sure I do. Easier, faster, healthier."

"Lazy lad," Karla teased, watching him spooned the salad into his plate with slightly trembling right hand.

"No," Heero countered arrogantly. "Efficiency."

"Of course, sir," Karla beamed, amused. His subtle sense of humour was a source of considerable mirth which Karla and her mistress enjoyed. She followed his example, and they devoured their food in comfortable company. "In what premises, if I may ask?"

"Cheaper ingredients." Heero decided, enjoying the idle chat. "Different system."

"Why, it sure is." Karla nodded. Silence fell, until after a while Karla noticed that the sound of spoon against the plate had suddenly stopped from the other person.

"What is it, sir?" Karla inquired gently. "You don't feel well?"

"Coppens told me it is a slow and subtle process over time," said Heero quietly, staring at his right hand with unreadable expression. "Seems that I am a different case."

"Yes," Karla agreed quietly. "Must be your deteriorating process, sir. I believe doctor Coppens and Po have noticed you before?"

"Yes."

"Do you wish to call it a night?"

"No. All good. I will be waiting for Relena. Though I say perhaps a company of a cup of tea in the library will be exquisite."

"Certainly. Nice choice. Are you done with your salad? You've got a good appetite tonight. Miss Relena will be delighted."

Heero nodded and rose from his chair. He could feel Karla's eyes nailed on his back as he slowly made his way out of the dining room. He was only less than a metre from the door when he suddenly lost his balance and tripped over his foot, and his attempt to restrain his fall was in vain as his right hand weakened. He hit the floor fervently on his head, and the world went black.

* * *

* * *

When he opened his eyes, he was back in his bedroom. The curtains were open; it was a clear and sunny morning. His head throbbed in a dull ache, and he subconsciously reached his hand over his head. There was only a large patch of band aid in where his head crashed against the floor, not a full bandage like had expected. The clock read 8 am.

Grunting, Heero tried to sit up, even though his whole body was heavy. He was about to get off from the bed when the door opened, and a flustered Relena blasted in.

"Oh, God, Heero!" she exclaimed; her face was white. She panted slightly as she approached him. "How are you feeling? And no – don't say 'I'm fine', I won't be buying it! I demand honesty, Heero!"

Heero stared at her in bewilderment, and did as he was asked to: "Just a little heavy and dull ache, but nothing more serious. I'll be all right."

"Karla told me, but I want to hear from you. What happened last night? Do you remember?"

Heero shrugged. "I think I tripped over my foot and I fell, that's all."

"Okay," said Relena, agitated. Relena grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly. She looked straight at Heero and forced a smile. "Okay. This makes everything clear. So this is what Sally has advised to me, but I want your opinion on it. We think it's better to move you to the room downstairs. It's getting unsafe and dangerous for you, climbing down and up these stairs. It would also save time and energy on behalf all of us, convenient. Efficient."

Heero fell in deep thought, calculated as always. He nodded. "I agree. I don't want to be troublesome to Karla. I think it is a good precaution."

"So we deal with the move?" Relena smiled, patting his shoulder gently. Heero nodded, "Yes."

"Great," Relena took out the wireless phone she had been bringing and dialled. A faint ring from the downstairs echoed and Relena cut off the line. A few moments later, Karla stepped in to the room, and she smiled at Heero.

"Good morning, sir. You seem to be feeling better?"

"Yes."

Karla nodded in satisfaction. "Now, if you would excuse me, sir, I want to run some tests. I will be requiring your legs." She carefully removed the blanket, and grabbed Heero's left foot and calf and bent it up in 90 degrees against her chest. "Please try to push as hard as you can."

He tried, but he couldn't feel any strength in his leg. He gritted his teeth as he tried again, his mind screaming at his leg to  _push as hard as it can_ – but all he could do was only moving his toes. His muscles retracted, but Heero couldn't manage to muster the strength to push.

"Push it. Push it, push it as hard as you can," Karla repeated, pushing his leg lightly against him. "Come on, push it as hard as you can."

"I  _am_  pushing as hard as I can." Heero informed dejectedly. Relena kept her attention fully to him, her hands squeezing each other anxiously.

"All right," Karla turned to his right leg. "Let's try with the right one. Push as hard as you can."

He only managed to push Karla's hand a few centimetres, before losing strength to her. Karla placed back his leg on to the bed.

"All right, it seems your right leg is starting to lose its strength as well," said Karla gently. "Oh, doesn't mean that it will hamper your walking ability. It's just the strength, not yet the motoric ability."

"No harm done. I will be just using them to my most while I can." A small smile tugged at Heero's lips.

"And then there is this one," Relena stood up, and approached his working desk. Only then Heero noticed that a walking stick was placed beside the desk. "This is to alleviate the risk and difficulty. Using too much strength on one particular activity is not one of your options, I reckon. But I could be wrong. Do you want to use this?"

"If it may help my movement, I don't see why it would hinder me."

"Sure. Everything will be moved to your new room today and we shall expect everything would be settled by the afternoon."

"I have work," said Heero softly. "I'm going to the HQ some time at 10. There are things I must arrange by myself."

"Of course, you've told me yesterday." Relena acknowledged. "Pagan will be back here to get you after taking me to the office. Maybe around 9? That would do?"

"Perfectly." Heero agreed.

"Great! I guess I'll see you in the evening? I can go home early today. And don't overexert – take it easy. I have taken a notice that Duo seems to have regained a few pounds; take it into your full account." Relena winked an eye and Heero returned with a smirk. She laughed and searched Heero's eyes, asking for silent permission as she bent forward to his face. Heero's deep blue eyes shone tenderly and Relena didn't hesitate anymore. She gave a light kiss on Heero's cheek, stroking his hair tenderly. "Be good."

Heero's heart did a jump upon the kiss; actually feeling his face was getting hot and red. He quickly turned away, murmuring, "I am always good."

Relena gave a last and quick grasp on Heero's left hand before waving as she exited the bedroom. She walked away for a few steps before stopped abruptly and inhaled sharply; leaning against the wall and flew a hand over her mouth as sobs rocked her body; a sharp pang of emotion jabbed at her heart painfully.

_Please God… don't do this to him…_

* * *

* * *

_May 8, AC 201_

_Preventer HQ, Brussels_

" _Special Agent Maxwell, requesting permission for incoming call from line A1-01. Requesting permission for incoming call, line code A1-01."_

Duo Maxwell pushed a button on his phone desk. "Permission granted. A1-01, please come in."

"Duo!" a cheerful voice of a woman greeted him, and he smiled as he recognised the voice. "I'm not disturbing, I hope?"

"No, Relena, not at all," Duo returned with a small laugh.

"Great," Relena responded from the other side. "Just letting you know he's dropping by in 15 minutes, Duo. Shall I?"

"No need, I'll be fine. I'll escort him myself," Duo quickly said. "Surely with Karla?"

"Of course."

"Right. See you in 15 minutes."

"I can't, sorry. I'm heading over to the British Embassy – need to take care some more of the required documents for our move. But I'll be there by the afternoon, so tea time?"

"Tea time it is then."

"Wonderful! Thank you as always, Duo. I'm leaving him in your care." Then the line went dead.

Duo stretched his arms up and yawned. He exited his quarter and went to the lift. His working quarter was on the fifth floor, so he enjoyed a little walk to the ground level to ease his stiff joints and muscles after sitting for a long period.

Duo set himself to wait in the lobby when he arrived on the ground level. He exchanged chatters with the receptionist, nodding a few times when agents passed by him. Ten minutes later, a black MPV stopped in front of the lobby. The middle door slid open, and Karla alighted the vehicle first and went to the back of the car to fetch the wheelchair. The driver proceeded to the opened door, scooping up a scrawny young man into his arms and placed the man carefully on the wheelchair.

Heero's disease progress was already reaching the advanced stage within a year. Heero had lost his ability to walk; using an electric wheelchair for his movement. His left hand was completely immobilised; Heero relied solely on what was left functional from his right hand – his five fingers – for moving the wheelchair. His speech was becoming more slurred, but he refused to receive aids in terms of speaking at the time being. And this was the Heero Yuy whom he, Duo, had been seeing a year since.

"Hey, buddy," Duo greeted casually and nodded to Karla, grinning as he tapped Heero's shoulder gently. "Long drive?"

"Very bracing," Heero's head fell back against the pillow over the head rest as he looked up; a playful look were evidence on his eyes. His speech was already very slow, but Duo had learned to understand the slurred words coming out from his friend.

"You bet," Duo snickered, leading their way back to the lift. "I've got everything ready for you. When will you go, then? Already have a specific date?"

"Yes," Heero said as they entered the lift. A few agents followed suit after and saluted to them, in which Heero returned with a slight nod.

"Commander Yuy, sir," one of them smiled. "What brings you here today?"

Heero regarded the agent with a thoughtful stare. "Pension," he said after a moment with a joking tone. The agents laughed.

"Have a great one, sir," said the agent. "We will be in loss of someone as great as you."

"None like the others," the other female agent agreed. "Commander, Mr Maxwell, please excuse us."

They dropped off on level 8, where Heero's and other higher officials' offices were located. They entered the meeting room by the end of the hall. The room was already occupied by middle-aged high officials, along with Dorian Klark, Chang Wufei, and Sally Po. The people inside stood up and saluted when Heero and Duo entered the room.

"Today remarks my last day in here," Heero said slowly, pausing for a brief moment to take a breath – his deteriorating speech demanded more time and energy from him to speak, "as your commander."

None said a word, waiting for their commander to continue. "As thus, I shall then announce the name of the person who will be filling in my position. Chang Wufei, Abrasax Phoebus, if you would, please."

Claps of applause filled the room shortly. Wufei and a middle-aged man with freckled pale skin stood up and took their place beside Heero, nodding stiffly to acknowledge their new subordinates.

"I will be still in charge of a counsellor," Heero continued, resting his head again against the pillow with a weary sigh. "Like all of you have probably known, I will be moving shortly to England by the end of the month, so all procedures will be administered through the servers. Any questions?"

"Will you be available at the London branch, sir?"

"No," Heero answered after a brief consideration. "I'm afraid not. This time, I'm seriously taking my early retirement into full account. It's mainly due to my health, but I do believe I deserve my share of early pension. Quiet life, less danger. Avoiding… grey hairs."

That earned soft chuckles from around the room.

"Is it true you are marrying the vice minister, sir?" a young woman asked bluntly, and all heads turned sharply to Heero in anticipation and excitement.

"Who doesn't want to?" Heero answered diplomatically. A faint smirk tugged at his lips, and everyone laughed again.

"I shall say this," Heero then spoke again, his voice very deep and calm; penetrating through their every senses. "Chang, Phoebus, your job will not be easy. I repeat, it will not be easy. Maintaining this peaceful time and protecting our own beliefs and policies on behalf all of us are our main challenge; our main battle. It is the hardest struggle. It is the hardest fight. And you shall understand that yourselves are your truest enemy. With those impediments ahead of you, I expect you to even work harder. Peace can be easy to reach, but maintaining it, is hard. That requires the good from within humans, and that is the biggest challenge you will probably have."

"We understand, Commander," Phoebus said solemnly. "We will not betray your trust."

"One more thing," Heero turned to Wufei with a meaningful look, "you may not afraid of failure. You learn and grow from failures."

"Yes, we understand that, Heero," said Sally softly. "You need not to worry again. You've done your part. It's our turn now."

Heero looked around; his eye muscles twitched as he smiled thinly. "Yes. That sums up everything, then. Dismissed."

The agents rose from their respective seats and saluted quickly, leaving only Duo, Wufei, Dorian, Sally, and Karla in the room. Karla took a water bottle and a clean handkerchief, placing the bottle on Heero's mouth. Her other hand supporting the back of Heero's head as he drank. Duo quickly took the handkerchief to wipe some spilled water, and Heero coughed softly.

"Relena said she has plans for both of you," Duo rubbed Heero's chin with the white fabric. "Is it true that she's retiring as the vice minister? Did something happen?"

"Yes, it's true. But no, nothing happened. We – merely agree that England would be the best place to spend the rest of our… life."

"But what made her to take that volition? The rumour is true, then?" Sally enquired.

"We've been – " Heero rasped sharply "– we've been discussing the matter for a while. It's like – it's like a discretion is the better part of valour."

"Yuy, watch it." Wufei said rigidly; gently rubbing Heero's chest in a circular movement. He unbuttoned and loosened Heero's shirt collar so the young man could breathe in easier.

"Properly," Dorian added, smiling. Heero arched an eyebrow in response, his lips retracted to the side tremulously; forming a small smile.

"Sometimes," Heero said after a while, having gaining back his bearings, "it's frustrating."

"Of course it is. But you've been great handling it, so I don't see where the problem lies. If it were me, I would surely not be able to take it kindly," Duo offered. "So what Princess said is true, then?"

"What is this all about?" Dorian exchanged glances with Sally with great curiosity.

"Unmarried people are so delightfully easy to shock," Duo sneered and Wufei dabbed an elbow to Duo's stomach. Sally shook her head in exasperation at her colleagues' childish behaviour. But Dorian had caught the message.

"Oh!" Dorian exclaimed in realisation, staring at Duo and Sally alternately. "Oh! Good gracious, wow, sir, really, I – "

Heero's eyes sparkled with wit as he turned to Dorian and both men exchanged an understanding look.

"Pension," Heero stated, and all of them burst with laughter – except for Wufei who only rolled his eyes as he shook his head.

* * *

* * *

_December, AC 200_

Relena was becoming gradually aware of the precedence of Heero's illness. He was slowly losing his hands' movement ability; and walking was already out of question. He couldn't move a single muscle of his feet and an electric wheelchair was an absolute requisite – for his only functioning fingers are on his right. Heero was trying to keep using his every limbs in hope to give them longer functional flexibility, and Relena genuinely admired him for that. She knew how tiring and frustrating it was to keep his joints and muscles working; she had seen him exhausted himself trying to merely raise a mug or write something – and by the end of the task he was already slightly panting. Heero was denied of his freedom right when he really could luxuriate it, but he wasn't that easy to be crippled. Seeing the man in such spirit in struggle for what left of his little freedom made Relena made up her mind: she would not let go of him.

Relena spent as much time as she could manage with Heero. When she was home, after work and on the weekend, she would not let Karla care for Heero. His every needs; including bathing him and changing his entire clothes, were hers to fulfil when she was home. She made it clear to Karla. And through these simple looking daily tasks, she grew fonder, more and more, to the young man she loved. She became attached and dependence to him. She  _knew_  it; she  _loved_  him by every cells of her body. She wanted to be by his side every single moment; she wanted to know his every progress; she wanted to be the first to know should something came up – she wanted to be  _with_  him.

She knew what she had to do. If the situation was still the same when she was a merely naïve 15 year old girl, she would have asked Heero out without further thinking and judgment. But now, she was an adult, she was wiser, and the most important; she had seen Heero through his best and worst. That made the already strong emotion within her grew even more genuine; her feeling for him had grown so pure and big.

So a proposal was both enthralling and daunting at the same time, and she had to gather all her courage to do so.

"Heero," Relena said one night when she was done changing his night attire and had settled him comfortably in the bed. "I – I've thought about this. I think we should – I think  _I_  want to make everything clear. Do you… do you remember about our last conversation in the hospital?"

Heero stared at her for a moment before nodding, "Ah."

"Right," Relena murmured, blushing madly as she braced herself to look at Heero. "Were you – did you really mean your words that time, Heero? If you – you know what I mean, if…"

"Yes, Relena," said Heero softly. "And I did mean my words. I really did."

"Thank you," Relena whispered, squeezing the bony fingers. "I was wondering if we… um, if we can – "

"Relena, you know what lies ahead. This will affect everything. Your life, in particular. You deserve a better man, a happy life. You cannot be wasted with me."

Somehow, Relena knew it would come.

"You're still a fool," Relena reprimanded, sighing. "Heero, this is what I  _want_  to do. I want to be with you. I want to be your strength – and no, it isn't about moral duty, or debt of gratitude, or something along the line. I've told you, that I can't live without you, and it's true. I love you, Heero, I really do. So please, let me do this. Please understand. We're in this together. I have voluntarily embarked on the hard way through the years, what difference do you think it would make this time?"

"A lot. This is the different hard ways. The weight of science is against you."

"Are you afraid that I would leave you?" Relena suddenly asked, feeling goose bumps all over her senses. Heero's eyes widened ever so slightly, doubts building in his mind.

"Maybe," Heero said, inadequate. "But I think, no, I am not. I don't want to see you wasted your whole life with me, because I know."

"Know what?"

"That after all the struggles we will face ahead, this is still going to be a heavy defeat."

"You may be surprised, but I also very well know it's going to be a heavy defeat. Sally told me everything, Heero. You promised me to let me take care of you, didn't you? Are you going to break that?"

Heero looked somehow angry. He could be very much not happy or annoyed, irritated; but never to a point of angry. But since he had been on medications after the complicated transplantation surgery, emotionalism slowly became rather common within him. The ALS diagnosis added the dose of it; his mood easily changed. Sometimes he was sober, sometimes he was an emotional roller-coaster. He could not control them at few occasions; and she tried her best to offer her support, trying to suppress her own feelings and emotions for she knew it was his illness and the medications that emerged the new emotional-fit Heero. The frustration took its best and had taken its toll on him, but in her favour, he had done a very great job of handling it. He rarely exploded, but rather contained his feelings and waited in (sometimes) eerie silence until he felt calm down. That was one more of his merits that she honoured – even in his illness, he still had the great capacity to control himself. Relena waited nervously, afraid that she might crossed the line somehow, pushing him too far.

"It's not like that," Heero was relatively calm the next he spoke, but his expression betrayed his emotion. "You don't deserve it."

"Deserve what, if I may ask?" Relena raised an eyebrow, challenging.

"I can't – " Heero took a deep breath, suddenly looking troubled. "Relena, I will never can be a good father. I know nothing about… children."

Something clicked in Relena's head. Ah, _so that's what's been bothering him. It's so like him to be thinking further to the future... he would make a very great father._

"No one really knows about children until they have them," Relena explained equably. "Heero, I'm not even pushing you to that far. Everyone starts from the same point when it comes to children. But no, that's not my point, and that's not yours either. It's not about children. You're just being stubborn. It's about being by each other side, it's about how I want to spend my life  _with_  you."

Heero cast his glance to the floor; trying to avoid Relena's penetrating glare. Emotions scrambled within him, making him confused. A tear suddenly fell over Heero's cheek, and Relena was startled at this.

"Heero, what's wrong? Oh, Heero, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to – I'm sorry! Please forgive me. If you don't want to – " Relena breathed heavily at this as a sharp pang of emotion jabbed her painfully – "then I won't talk about it anymore. Please, I'm sorry! Don't – don't cry, please? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

"What? I didn't cry," Heero threw Relena a funny look; apparently not realising that he was crying. "What are you on about?"

"There, Heero," said Relena carefully, wiping a finger over the tears on his cheek. "It's there. It's okay, it's fine. It must be the medication. I'm sorry I have pushed you too far. I didn't mean to, I just thought… oh well, forget it." She forced a smile and tried to ignore the lump weighing in her throat and stomach.

"It's not fine," Heero accused. "It's… Relena, I'm sorry. It wasn't like that. I didn't realise I was… this is what I mean. Everything is jumbled in my mind, I don't know what was happening. I will only hurt you and I don't want to."

"Do you think I'm the only one who will hurt? The one who will be hurt the most, Heero, is you. You're the one who will get the short end of the stick from all of these. And that's why, Heero, you need every support, love, and caring, from your family; so let me be that pillar – legally. We're in this together, remember?  _Together._ "

"I know," Heero whispered; more tears flowed down, even though he still didn't seem to notice it.

"Then please tell me now. You don't want to be with me? Is that it? Which one is it, Heero? If I am wrong, then make me understand. I'm doing this because I want to. For you. For myself."

"It's not like that," Heero shook his head, groaning in frustration. "It's not that I don't want to be with you."

"Then it's settled! It's as simple as that," said Relena, giving him a tight squeeze on his hand. "It means that you want to be with me, and I have the mutual feeling. We're going to find out the rest along our way. We simply learn. It will be difficult, but two is always better than one. Twice the thinking power, don't you think?"

Heero seemed not convinced, battling an inner dispute with a distraught expression.

"England," Relena suddenly announced, smiling. "You used to say that England is beautiful, and how you fond of the rising and setting sun beyond the horizon in there. We're moving to England. Spending the rest of our life in there, exploring the beautiful English country sides. That'd be enthralling, what say you?"

"Yes," said Heero quietly after a moment. He looked up, still not looking assured, but the traces of uneasiness had vanished from his features. "That would be enthralling."

"God, Heero, a girl is actually  _proposing_  to you and you still have the gut to – ah… seriously! There's only one man like you in this world… none like the others…"

"I'll try," Heero finally muttered. "I can't promise you, but I'll try."

"Promise me what?"

"I might not be able to be the best partner for you, but I will try."

Relena cupped Heero's face in her hands and rested her forehead against his, looking straight into his eyes as she whispered, "Don't you dare to think about perfection now, Heero. I shall enlighten you: I might not be able to be the best partner for you, either. I'm not perfect you're not either; and no one really is, but because we're together in this, both of us shall give the best of our ability to bring out the best of each other. That's what marriage means, Heero. We fill each other shortcomings, we fill each other presence." She pulled away, and kissed him on the forehead, long. Heero closed his eyes as he accepted the loving gesture, and whispered back: "Thank you."

* * *

* * *

_June, Summer AC 201_

_Tottenham, Haringey, London_

_England_

Summer in England was never a real summer in Heero's taste, but that was why he exactly liked it. The sun could be blazing as bright as the way it wanted, but the weather would be still cold enough and the sun ray fell over his body made him warm and comfortable.

Relena wanted to settle in the countryside, but Heero had a better judgment, of course. Following his current condition, it would be wise to live in a place near the city, should something come up and they need emergency medical assistant.

So they finally settled in a nice English cottage style home which depicted medieval buildings of Tudor Revival. They got themselves an asymmetrical two storeys home, with steep roof lines and intersecting gables. The home's whimsical floor plans delighted with small irregularly-shaped first floor rooms – where the master bedroom, office room, and Karla's bedroom located – and upstairs rooms used for library, storeroom, and a parlour – with sloping walls and dormers that provided wonderful nooks and crannies. A massive chimney dominated the one side of the house, providing a welcoming hearth. Casement windows with small panes charmingly framed outdoor scenes and gardens. All in all, he was pleased, and so was Relena.

Zechs had come for a one-week visit. Relena had said that Zechs – or Milliardo, in Relena's favour – was still working for the Preventer, assigned in the Asian and Australian territories. He had attended their modest and closed wedding ceremony back in Brussels, acting as Relena's guardian. Zechs didn't say a word in their marriage terms, and it was enough for Heero. He understood that the man simply trusted him.

"I thought that you would be against this," Heero said one day when both of them had their tea time in the backyard; his words coming out rather unclear and protracted. "This went rather well, all things considered."

"You've got your fair share of pension as a Preventer commander, who am I to say anything in this matter?" Zechs sneered. "Her future in ensured."

Heero arched an eyebrow, sceptical. "You know what I mean,  _Merquise."_

Zechs cast his look away. "Contradictory, Yuy, I thought  _you_  would be the one who will go against her wishes, knowing you and all."

"I tried," said Heero softly. "But you know… your sister. Who am I to refuse her feelings? I have no power over that. I am… certainly most afraid that I would hurt her, and someday she would… leave. I do love her, and in that mask, I tried to – push her away. But she is the one who, once again, reminded me of the foolishness lays in the name of love I used as my…" Heero frowned, rasping, "defence, I shall say."

Zechs nodded in acknowledgment, understanding his way of thinking. Zechs got up from his seat, taking some bottles of medicines from the table and sat next to Heero. The blonde man poured the liquid to a spoon, quenching each medicines to Heero's mouth carefully. The medications were mostly for his liver, and to Zech's own surprise, he had come to learn the schedule of Heero's medication during his stay at the house.

"Luckily, Relena is thick-headed," Zechs remarked, smiling thinly as he wiped Heero's mouth and jaw. "She would take a good care of you, Heero. I know it."

"Glad you accepted," Heero replied drowsily after a while. His eyes were slowly becoming heavy, the light breeze and the sound of chirping birds lulled him deeper into his subconscious. He felt comfortable and calm; all of his worries and uneasiness had washed away upon the short conversation with  _his_  brother-in-law. He never dreamed of it; that he was finally really building his own family. It felt comforting and surprisingly… content.

"It's already happened," Heero could vaguely hear Zechs through his hazy mind. "But I'm glad she chose you. Her decision was never, and never will, be wrong. You deserve that much. You really do."

Maybe it was because of his medication effect, or maybe it was really coming from his heart, but nonetheless Heero was mildly flabbergasted when he heard himself spoke next, "If we really happened to make it, I want you to take care of my family. Protect them, Zechs."

"With all my life," Heero listened to Zech's voice. "You have my word. I promise."

Heero managed to give a weak nod. He felt a strong hand over his arm; tender and calming, drifting him into oblivion.

Finally, people who really cared for him and he could trust; so he would not need to worry anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heero and Relena were finally expecting for their first born. But with Heero's illness taken a turn to the advanced stage, Duo painfully realised the inevitable was coming its way.

 

_January, AC 202_

_Preventer London Office_

_Westminster, England_

Duo was _delighted_.

He and Dorian Klark were finally transferred for service in the Preventer's London branch. They moved two weeks ago, and they didn't waste their time to see Heero as soon as they landed. The Preventer employee's flat complex was located in Westminster, nearby the Metropolitan Police. It took about 30 minutes by train underground from Westminster to Tottenham, where Heero and Relena resided. Dorian was excited to be able to work in his home country; and Duo… well, he was simply happy because any change of his routines meant adventure to him – new place, new people, and new life.

Finally would be able to see his best friend anytime he wanted was the first reason of Duo's delight. The best had yet to come, when they last visited Heero in the end of December, and Duo noticed Relena's rounded belly; and Relena told them that they were expecting.

" _Wow!"_ Duo exclaimed; practically jumping around in joy when he heard the news and ended up kissing Heero's cheek – in which he was met by a weak slap on his face squarely (by the help of Relena's hand). "Relena – _wow!_ Heero, you _bastard!_ First you married, and then now a _baby_ – fuckin' Christ! A baby girl? I'm gonna get a baby niece or nephew?"

"We have seen the doctor last week, and it's most probably a girl," Relena shook her head, never failing to marvel at Duo's antics.

" _A girl!"_ Duo squeaked, carefully caressing Relena's stretched stomach – as if he was touching a fragile glass – in glee. "I'm gonna get a baby niece! Jesus, I still can't believe this… _a baby niece!_ Twenty-two years old, and a baby's coming along! Heh! You're a wicked one, Heero. _"_

"You have marked a truly remarkable year, sir," Dorian said, elated. He was honestly happy for the couple; he knew the scourge of war still haunted his former commander even until now. But Dorian also fathomed that Heero had overcome his nemeses; and would still be faced with even more exigencies, but never had once giving up. Once defeated, he would come back twice stronger.

* * *

_February, AC 202_

_1700 hours_

Duo watched as Relena spooned the tea into Heero's mouth with a loving gesture. Duo could see the genuine emotions from her every gesture; how she loved her husband so much. They were made for each other, in his eyes. Relena's dedication to her husband was something Duo looked up to, and he was simply relieved that his friend was finally found his life.

Only one more month until Relena's labour expectancy. Her belly was getting bigger, but she refused to stay still and do nothing. Even though Karla was present to help around the house and mainly to nurse Heero, Relena was still the one who cared for her husband the most. She fed him, changed his clothes, maintained a strict schedule of his medications, shaved him in the morning, bathed him, took him to his regular doctor appointments, put him to bed. For his private business, Heero relied on Karla, for it was impossible for Relena to carry Heero off his wheelchair – not with the baby inside her.

Duo tried to find as much spare time between his works to drop by. He wanted to see Heero's progress, and had found a satisfaction in working at Heero's garden on sunny Sundays.

" _How… come… you're always here now?" Heero had asked him one day, when they were enjoying their afternoon tea in the living room. Duo was painfully aware at how it was becoming more difficult to understand what Heero was saying; sometimes he needed Relena to interpret Heero's words._

" _You wanna hear the happy or sad answer?" Duo teased. Heero rolled his eyes in response, his head fell to his left shoulder. His neck muscles were visibly weakening; it took more of his energy to keep his head and body straight._

" _Right," Duo shrugged, placing his cup of tea back to the table. "Let's be melancholy. It's just… you see, I always honoured you as my only true friend, Heero. I mean, we went all those shitty things together through the wars, and we struggled to cope with the society, and it ain't easy, honestly, but, I don't know, man. You helped me a lot. Maybe you didn't realise it, but that's it. I feel that your strength gave me the power to hold on when things got fucked up, and your resolution, your unnerving belief… it made me believe on what we had to do. I think I ought to thank you for just simply being there for me when I need ya and all of those cliché things. But, yeah, I guess I want to know more of you as long as we've got, and if that's not very long, well, so then be it. I guess I just want to be the friend I should be, ya know, helping you and your wife the best I could."_

_Heero gave him a lengthy look of solemn. Heero's lips trembling to the side as he offered a small smile of acknowledgment. Remembering what Karla had told him, Duo asked more specifically, "I'm serious, Heero. You know what I mean?"_

_Heero's right eyebrow raised as a 'yes'._

" _Yeah, sounds as cliché as it might be, but this is what friends do, right? Support each other. Quatre told me he will come around next month, with Trowa if he could make it. That will be a nice reunion, don't you think? Just like the old times. Yeah, just like the old times."_

" _Yes," Heero said in agreement. "It will."_

" _Zechs is coming to stay over until Relena gives birth, is that right?"_

" _Yes."_

" _He's a good man," Duo commented. "And you'll be a good father, I know that."_

" _How so?" Heero asked, somehow curious. He certainly didn't feel like one._

" _Oh, you're a good man. It should explain everything," said Duo simply. "All those shit you went through made you even a better man. Jesus, if only you could see the way you look and touch Relena! So gentle and loving, I envy you… I wonder when you will look at me like that, too…"_

_Heero's eyebrow twitched in annoyance on Duo's last remark. Duo smirked at this, "You're still delightfully easy to shock despite being married."_

" _It encourages you."_

" _Damn," Duo laughed heartily, "you got me."_

"Duo?" Relena's voice brought him back from his flashback. "Want another shot?"

"Ah," Duo shook his head, grinning. "Nah, I'll be fine. I should go back, been intruding too long."

"Nonsense. You are welcome in here as long as you want, any time! Right, Heero?" Relena adjusted Heero's head to rest more comfortably against the head rest. She rubbed Heero's cheek gently with a serviette, and rested his paralytic arm on his thighs. Heero directed his eyes to Relena and then Duo, a glint of mischief flashed on his eyes. Relena rolled her eyes and Duo laughed.

"Yeah, thanks for having me, Relena," Duo stood up, lightly touching Heero's arm and nodded to him. "Drop me a call when you need my help, yeah? I'll be comin' right over. I've got some new seeds, will show ya' when I come back next week. Take care, Princess, alright? You got my baby niece in there, so take care. Ya' too, Heero." He studied Heero's face for a moment, before smiling warmly. "You've got our back, tough guy. Go somewhere relaxing, it's not good being scooped all up in this place for a long time! You need that. I'll be glad for coming over. Extra day off… heh, that'd be nice!"

"Thank you as always, Duo," said Relena gratefully. "We haven't found the right time, but I'll be in touch when we're on the plan. Your company here really helps Heero to ease boredom, someone to talk with. It is a great help. It really is."

"That's what friends do." Duo kissed Relena's hand. "You don't need to ask and I'll come my way."

"Point taken," Heero drawled. "I appreciate it."

Duo nodded soberly. "You're doing great, buddy. You're doing great."

* * *

_February 18, AC 202_

_Tottenham, London, England_

_1900 hours_

The Yuy's residence was buzzing with warm and pleasantries chit-chat. Dorian, Sally, Zechs, and Noin were coming over for dinner along with Duo, Quatre, and Trowa. Zechs was going to stay in the house until Relena's labour to offer his help around the house. Wufei was unable to travel to England for he had work. Sally and Noin insisted that they will prepare the whole dinner with Karla, and not allowing Relena to exhaust herself with the task. Finally, Relena was allowed to stay in the kitchen, but not busying herself with the dishes.

"Just sit over there," Noin had ordered, unyielding. _"_ And _stay still,_ Relena."

"Okay, okay," Relena raised her hands in surrender, laughing. "I'll be just right here, like you told me."

"Lady Relena is in perfect shape, always full of energy. She knows her limit, and beside it's good for her to be moving around, just not too much. Though at times I still have to drag her into rest or otherwise she won't. You don't need to worry a thing, Miss," Karla defended, winking an eye to her mistress. "I will prepare the tables and the dishes, and to check on Master Heero. You should stay here, with your friends, Ma'am."

"I'm counting on you, Karla," said Relena, smiling. "Don't forget the vitamin B injection, okay?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Karla slightly bowed and retreated from the kitchen.

"You're lucky you're having her as Heero's living-in nurse, Relena," Sally said. "So, what did the doctor said?"

"Oh, the baby's doing great! It's in terrific condition, and so I am. She's so active, been kicking a lot lately. Heero loves it the most. He wouldn't let his hand off me when we were in bed." Relena chuckled, lovingly stroking her stomach. "Oh, I know he will be the greatest father ever, I just can tell. The way he touched me with such protectiveness, I know he's the one."

"Have got a name for her yet?" Noin was curious.

"Yes, we do have some in mind," said Relena softly, "and we both agree that Helen would fit her the most."

"It sounds beautiful," Sally marvelled. "It consists both of Heero's and your name."

"You're doing a great job, Relena. Taking care of him, the household – and it wasn't an easy task any woman can do. You'll be a great mother, too." Noin offered serenely. "I'm glad it works out very well for both of you, I really am. A new life! Very fascinating, indeed."

"Thank you. Thank you, Noin, it means so much to me for hearing that," said Relena gratefully. She sipped her English breakfast tea which she and her husband had become so fond of – eventually it became rather a habit than a preference. She stared at the porcelain teacup in her hand; tears gathered in the corner of her eyes as memories whirled in her mind. The gentle twirl on the dark substance sucked out remembrances of Heero, and she gasped as she put down the teacup.

"Relena – what is it? Are you alright?" Noin rushed at once to Relena's side, grabbing her hand. "Is it hurt – is it coming?"

"I love him," Relena whispered, "oh, how I love him so much! He doesn't deserve this. What has he done that he – it's not fair… what would I do if he – he's gone? Life wouldn't be the same without him! To whom will I find love and warmth every day beside me? Who will hold my hand and say everything's going to be okay when everything seems to crumble around me? He had gone so much hardship and misery that he _doesn't deserve all of this!_ He is so gentle, so loving, so kind – oh God, just please don't do this to him! My child – my child… she needs him – she needs her father… I need Heero. I can't, I swear I can't if Heero – " she choked, trying to control her feelings, "I just can't. I just can't…."

"Relena, calm down," Noin spoke very gently, rubbing Relena's back and taking her into an embrace. "He's holding up – he _loves_ you, Relena. You're right, no one deserves this. But remember, how lucky he is for having you as his wife. Though might be only for a short time, but he feels the love you pour with all your heart. Despite his shortcomings, he is always able to stand back up on his own feet. And you, Relena, you give him the best opportunities that brings out the best of him. Let the fact that he's happy with you be your anchor, and remember that his strength will always remain in you and your daughter. You're a strong woman. You will go through this."

"I can feel it every time I touch him, Noin. He's wasting away… he's so weak. I feel pain pulse in my heart when I touch his frail fingers. When he, with all his power to reach a hand to caress the baby inside me… when he struggled to tell me that one phrase that both builds and ruins my life at the same time. 'I love you', he says it every night. 'Thank you for doing this for me'. It breaks my heart!" Relena shook her head. She took a squint to the direction of the dining room, where laughter and chatter could be heard. "I will see he gets everything he needs. I will see to it myself. He's…" Relena took a deep breath, and paused for a moment, "he's my treasure. My whole life. My love…"

"You're not alone," Sally reminded. "You have your friends to rely on. What can we do for now is to make him could get the most of his life. Eventually, we all are going to go. Only time can tell. But to be able to love him and live with him, and letting him know that you are here for him – " Sally looked into Relena's eyes deeply – "that you're making memories with him, it shall never vanish and it will always remain forever. It's your treasure, and that knowledge alone shall be your source of power. The strong feelings within both of you, it makes you strong. Believe in it, Relena."

"I know," Relena whispered, wiping her tears and smiled weakly. "I know, but sometimes it's just too hard. Every single day…"

"It's hard on everyone who knows him," Noin said. "It's hard for us, but it's even harder for himself."

* * *

The festive dinner filled the house with continues small laughter and chatters. Relena enjoyed the change of atmosphere in her home, it made her relax and calmed her mind. She and Karla sat nearby Heero – Karla insisted to take a turn to spoon-feed her master.

"And then there were these two men – Jesus, I can call 'em _boys!_ And there was Trowa, I remember – ha, don't ya dare death-glare me, Trowa! – and he said, 'They were together', so I asked him, of course, how could he tell, and he just answered as swiftly as other men with same preferences would, 'The look. The gesture. They're tender to each other'. I turned to him, all right, and said it's a good thing that they were able to love each other, and Trowa gave me this funny look. So I decided to show him what I meant, and I just _kissed_ him right over there! And it was the strangest thing!"

"You could be very well annoying at times, Maxwell," Zechs heaved a long sigh, while Quatre let out a giggle and Trowa blushed madly. Dorian raised both hands, resigned. Duo shot him a mischief grin.

"You kissed Trowa on the lips?" Quatre asked curiously, focusing solely on Duo.

"Jesus, no, just on the cheek, Q-man! Y'know, just thinking I might finally bring out some reactions from the stony clown. And how he did! I still could feel my stomach…" Duo grimaced, rubbing his stomach playfully. "I wouldn't steal the first chance from my friend!"

"What do you mean?" Interest sparkled within Relena.

"Heh, Princess, if only you can see the way Quatre looks at Trowa…" Duo smirked, glancing at the blond young businessman who was already red from neck to ears, "I wouldn't do that, no. Besides, I'm more into women, though Trowa chest-naked is quite the sight, I tell you. Quatre _loves_ it…"

" _Duo!"_ Quatre exclaimed weakly, followed by a roar of laughter from everyone. "It's not true! We're not together like _that!"_

"Duo, you really need to spare him," said Dorian, amused. "Poor mate – look at how red he has become."

"Oh, sod off, Dorian. Don't ruin someone's happiness," Duo chortled. "I know, right – hey, Heero, don't give me that nasty look! _Geez_ , you're just being an arse just because a baby's comin' right away…"

Heero's eyes turned to Duo with a glint of wit when suddenly he choked, first only a little sound, and then he choked louder and both Relena and Karla stood up.

"I've got him, Ma'am," said Karla quickly, bending Heero forward as she pounded her hand, hardly and repeatedly against Heero's back. Heero choked again and some food crumbs flew out from his mouth.

"Is it out?" Relena wiped Heero's mouth, and pushed him back against the wheelchair. "Is it out? No more left? No? It's okay, it's okay. There we go. It's okay." She opened and loosened Heero's upper shirt buttons, rubbing Heero's back gently. "There we go. It's alright, it's alright."

"He's okay?" Quatre had left his seat, standing beside Heero with a glass of water in hand. He frowned in agitation. "Some – some water?"

"No, don't worry. He needs to see a specialist. Keeps happening over and over again," Relena explained, still rubbing her husband's back as he gasped and snorted, his face red and his breath raspy. "Quatre has it – you want some, Heero? It's fine? Okay. Quatre, if you would?"

"Yeah, sure," said Quatre nervously. "How – how do I do it?"

"Put your free hand on the back on his head for support, like this, and have him swallow just a little and slowly," Karla showed Quatre. "Just a little – yes, good. You're gentle, sir."

"Oh, more like a woman," Duo said, gaining back his humour, though traces of concerns still remained on his visage. "He's so fragile, could be shattered as easy as glasses! Hey, buddy, you're okay? More water?"

"It's fine," Heero slurred, still short on breath. Duo nodded knowingly, not pushing further into the matter.

"Quatre is tougher than he looks," Trowa defended his friend. Duo and Dorian exchanged glances at this, smirking simultaneously.

"You two go ahead find an accommodation for _your_ night," Zechs snorted to Duo, and Dorian protested at this. He stood up and walked to Heero. "All right, codger. Time to rest. All of you can go on."

"I'm coming," Relena exclaimed, but Zechs shook his head.

"Karla and I got him. You just stay here, fill your guests," said Zechs, looking at Heero. "Right, Heero?"

"On your ride," the ex-commander agreed. "See… you."

"Yeah, see you, Heero. Good night and have a good rest," Quatre smiled, squeezing Heero's arm, followed by Duo who patted his friend on the shoulder. Trowa gave a small nod and smiled promptly, while Sally and Noin said their good night too.

"Good night," Relena kissed her husband on the lips. "Sleep well. I'll be in bed with you before you realise it."

"Take your time," Heero replied back, and his head fell to his left shoulder. He was getting tired and Relena could see it, so she gestured to his brother who nodded in return. Zechs pushed the wheelchair out of the kitchen, and vanished by the door along with Karla.

"He's more prone to tiredness lately. When foods caught in his throat, he would choke like that, and it drained most of his energy. It's best for him to rest after such recurrence," Relena elaborated when questioning eyes directed to her.

"It's because of the neck and jaw muscles," said Quatre, serious. "If I may ask, Relena, how is his progress – is it a slow and subtle one like the doctors said, or is it the opposite one? I see it as quite the devious one, now. Maybe we can opt for another treatment – I can arrange for my doctors and scientists to – "

"No, Quatre," Relena cut off politely, smiling. "It's Heero's decision, and I respect it. He doesn't desire, or wish for it. He's accepted it, and all he wants just to live his life to his fullest with all of his shortcomings. I tried, but he didn't budge. It's… it's really painful for me, for of course I hope that he would let me do it, but he said that he finally is getting somewhere to really understand the life itself. Or so what I caught, but I understand. I thank you for the generous offer, but I guess, it's a no."

"Well, Heero's the one who will walk on the rough way, so I say he knows what he's doing, and that's more than enough for me," Duo placed a hand on Quatre's shoulder. "I think, Quat, the most important thing is that we try to make him feel comfortable, concentrate on identifying his needs. And support his preferences as well, too. We're not gonna treat him as a person with disability, we're gonna show him that he's not alone."

"And how much he is loved," Noin added, winking an eye to Relena.

"Of course. I understand," said Quatre eventually, smiling – though his troubled thoughts still reflected on his eyes. "But please reach to me, Relena. I want to be a help as much as possible."

"Thank you," said Relena appreciatively. "Of course. Thank you. It… means a lot, your supports. Especially for him. I can't help but sometimes I feel frustrated, I was distressed – _and_ with the baby coming, I really don't know what I would do if all of you were not here. This was challenging, and it makes me stressed at times – but I want to do this. After all he has done for me… I can't imagine a life without him; so for now I want to cherish everything we have together. These epochs, especially, where I can see his true self. It's… amazing."

"Anytime, darling," Sally hugged Relena ever so tenderly. "Anytime."

* * *

Zechs was already getting used to the nightly routine now: carrying Heero from his wheelchair to bed and vice versa. And then he would usually ask the same question before, "Bathroom?"

This time Heero gave a nod. Zechs pushed the wheelchair to the bathroom inside the bedroom, leaving Karla to prepare Heero's nightwear and medicines. Once inside the bathroom, Zechs cradled Heero into his arms and had him sat on the toilet; letting him to finish his business. Once done, without hesitation, Zechs cleaned Heero's private part with the toilet paper and carried him back to the wheelchair. Exiting the bathroom, Zechs seized his brother-in-law into his strong arms, carrying the young man into the bed.

"Come on, codger. Here we are," Zechs said with a grunt. "God, I wonder how Relena managed before…"

Heero only wrinkled an eye at this and Zechs smirked. Karla proceeded with removing her master's clothes and changed them into the nightclothes. It was getting a little longer and difficult to change clothes, for Heero relied entirely to his carers to move his limbs. Once Karla was done, Heero said, "Go help Relena. I'll be fine."

"Your medicines, sir?" Karla asked.

"I'll be on it," said Zechs quickly, fully understanding that Heero had something in his mind he wanted to talk with. "I got it."

"Very well, sir." Karla collected the clothes and retreated from the room. Zechs reached for the medicines on the nightstand beside the bed, and carefully read the labels one by one.

"What is it?" Zechs finally asked after finishing with all the medicines. He adjusted the pillows behind Heero for better comfort, and sat by the wooden chair. "You wanted to talk. Can't it wait? I think you better rest now."

As usual, Heero heeded the advice. "What will this bring to Relena and the child?"

Zechs' face remained stoic. "Nothing."

Heero stared at the older man, almost ridiculous. Zechs shrugged as he leaned against the chair, unruffled. "Don't you ever bring up that 'guilt that I may be the cause of stress for others', _Yuy._ That's nonsense. She's your wife and she _knows_ what she's doing. She can take care both of you and your child at the same time. Or don't you trust her? Is that it?"

"No. But this whole ordeal, and what will come up in the future for my daughter…"

" _Nonsense._ How much she does have to tell you until it goes through your thick skull, for God's sake? It's perfectly normal if she is frustrated, or sometimes even angry. If she's not, _then_ something's wrong. Anyone in this situation will be the same. Both of you equally fear for the future and what may happen to both of you. It's this whole process which will make your bond grow stronger. You not need to worry. Relena gets all the help she needs. That's why I'm here. That's why _they're_ here. Your family and friends will feel the pressure and the stress, but shall I remind you again, it's _you_ who will walk on this rough road."

"I _know._ I don't want to burden – "

"Not all the fears will be the same. Everyone will be worried about something, and it's a case of trying to get that person to be comfortable. See _her_ fears, Heero. Talk to her about her fears. This isn't something I can do. She's your wife. Consider her feelings and thoughts, but recognise her fears. She's not afraid for herself, she's afraid for _you."_

Heero's look was blank as he processed the blond man's words. His eyes turned to a darker shade; Zechs could see storms of emotions raging inside him – sadness, disappointment, fear, anger, self-loathing; Heero was very easy to read nowadays. Zechs shook his head wistfully, silently hoping that everything didn't turn out like _this.  
_

 _This is_ so _wrong..._

"Talk to her," Zechs counselled. "Try to search for the joy within her. You tend to see the unhappy energy rather than the happiness she is absolutely holding on. Talk, brother. Talk with her."

"Right," Heero finally mumbled, resigned. "I'll do that."

"Good," said Zechs, getting up and propped the pillows lower as he adjusted Heero's body to lay down. "Now rest. Remember, when things seem get difficult, you're not alone. I'm here to help. This is my sister we're talking about, I don't want you make her miserable, Heero. I'm not going to have the finger in the pie, but it doesn't mean I'm not helping. I know my line. I respect you as her husband. You're the one who has control of your family."

"That's exquisite, I must say," Heero responded quietly. Zechs rolled his eyes.

"Rest," Zechs ordered. "'The talk' might take a lot of energy than you expect."

Heero raised his eyebrow.

"Just understand this one thing," said Zechs softly when he had reached the door, "that your daughter will be very proud of her father for the good things he did in his life and for his fierce fight against all odds. She will boast to her friends how her father came over his shortcomings with his current condition, and how her father had raised her into what she has become with all the love he poured to her. Happiness can be found in so many little things, remember that. It's just really a matter if you want to be happy or not."

And the blond man left, leaving Heero alone in his musings after the long admonition.

* * *

_July, AC 202_

The sudden cry of a baby jolted Relena awake. She hurried to the cot nearby the window, and cradled the little baby into her arms.

"Ssh, Helen," Relena called gently, "you'll wake up your father. Mum's here, Mum's here. Ssh, ssh. Mum's here, Helen."

Helen's cry ceased and she cooed quietly. Relena stared at the brilliant Prussian blue eyes; she looked like exactly like her father. Her jawline was firm, just like Heero's, but she inherited her blonde hair. Her heart filled with sudden warmth at the miniature face of her husband, and she kissed the baby softly as she rocked back and forth, humming a low tune to lull her daughter back to sleep. She peered at the wall clock; it was two in the morning.

Relena glanced at Heero's sleeping form. His face was oblivious, undisturbed. She tiptoed to the bed, bending down carefully to plant a light kiss on his cheek.

"Look, Helen," Relena whispered. "Look at how strong your father is. Daddy's so brave, so strong, so he's here now, with us. Even though he's sick, don't you feel how strong Daddy is when he holds you? Do you feel his enormous love to you when he looks at you? Your daddy, Helen, is the greatest father in the whole wide world. He keeps us safe with all his strength and his love. So, let's pray to God so Daddy will be with us forever."

Helen cooed again, looking squarely at Relena's eyes as she smiled; as if she understood what her mother was saying. Relena kissed on the forehead again, continued humming and rocking back and forth.

"I heard that," a low and amused voice slurred, and Relena gave away a small squeak of fright upon the voice, turned around quickly to face her husband; managing to let out a weak ' _Stop doing that!'_. Heero's own blue deep eyes stared back at her, before smiling at their child – and Relena's heart exploded with mixed emotion when she saw the very rare occurrence. His smile always washed away all the stress and exhaustion she suffered from taking care of Heero and the baby at the same time – it made everything worth of the forwent and self-sacrifice. Helen made a high-pitched sound and laughed when her eyes met her father's; her hands reached out.

"Just put her on the bed," said Heero, understanding it would take too much effort for Relena if he was to have Helen on his arms. "She can sleep that way."

"Okay." Relena placed Helen on beside Heero, and crawled into the bed. "She's excited seeing you."

"Yeah." Heero smiled again, looking down at the baby. "Put my arm around her."

Relena did as he asked to. She spread out Heero's right arm, so his fingers could touch Helen. He caressed the child with trembling fingers, his eyes never leaving Helen's ones. Relena watched the scene lovingly; and Helen gripped one of Heero's fingers. Relena noticed her husband's struggle to return the gesture, but she kept her silence. It hurt her; but she beamed with pride at his effort.

"Come on, sleep," Heero said slowly. "Let your mother rest." He ran a finger repeatedly on the infant, attempting to stimulate her to sleep.

"You're so gentle, Heero," Relena pointed out, feeling content. "Helen is so attached to you. Look at how she leans into your touch. She seems so peaceful."

"Hn," was Heero's respond, for he didn't want to break the tranquillity. Relena stretched her arms and snuggled under the cover, resuming her humming and grinned like a stupid school girl when she saw her husband was falling asleep too – with finger entwined with their baby daughter's.

* * *

_May, Spring AC 203_

_England_

The mild weather and blooming flowers gave a refreshing scent to the whole house through the opened windows. Heero subconsciously manoeuvred his wheelchair to the window, and let his head fell back as he closed his eyes. The chirping sounds of the birds sipped through his mind, giving him a sense of equilibrium.

"Nice weather, hm?" Relena's soft voice alerted him back to his senses. "Enjoying it pretty much, I see."

Heero opened and darted his eyes up. What remained of his speech had already gone, and he had to use a rechargeable batteries-powered portable electronic communication aid, with a display screen. It was operated by a single switch; Heero typed a sentence and press a button for the machine to speak it. Frequently used words and phrases had been pre-set by Dorian and the text prediction system was used to speed up communication. Four words a minute didn't sound that bad, for Heero. The most important thing to him was that his thoughts were properly relayed, so it wouldn't cause so much trouble to his carers.

 _Very much,_ the synthesised voice corrected. _It feels good._

Relena kissed him lightly on his lips. "Of course it is. Were you thinking?"

The switch clicked furiously in Heero's trained fingers. _I'm brooding all day._ Heero rolled his eyes, smiling. _Helen's still with Zechs?_

"And Noin," Relena added. "Milliardo thinks that maybe today ought to be our day. Some talk, perhaps. Quality time."

_Sounds exquisite._

"Yes. You're not tired? Maybe in the bed?"

Heero gave an incredulous look. _It's merely an hour since my nap._

Relena laughed. "I know, I know. Right." She pulled over a chair, and followed Heero's position. "Mm-hmm. Very nice view. You're not cold?"

_On a second thought, actually, a light stroll may do both of us good. It's warm out there._

Relena caught the fierce look on the deep blue orbs and knew instantly that everything she said would not change his mind. "Sure. One minute, let me grab your jumper."

* * *

The streets of London buzzed with anxious, fast paces from its residence on bright spring afternoon. Heero found it surprisingly pleasant to his senses. He watched with amusement and contentment at the hurried figures passed by him and Relena. These… peaceful, mundane daily activities played before his eyes were what he had fought for and built together with his wife. He couldn't feel more complete than now. To add, he got his _own_ life. A wife, a daughter, a home, a _family…_ _yes, a place where I could go home to my family…_

 _Let's get back home,_ Heero proposed. _I have seen what I need._

"It raises my high suspicion for your musing again," Relena giggled. "But it's been a while, so I'm kind of looking forward to it."

The walk back to their modest home was considerably quiet; abnormally a soothing one. Heero enjoyed the plaintive silence; he simply cherished their each other presence. It's a comforting silence that made him honour his life. He sighed quietly when he felt his wife's delicate hand squeezed his shoulder, and he moved his head slightly to acknowledge the small yet loving gesture from Relena. He was fortunate, very fortunate, he realised, to be able to get unconditional love from the person he cared most in the world. He was in so much debt to Relena; mainly after his medical complications kicked in and slowly changed his entire life. He didn't know if it was turning for the worse or the better – it felt equal; but he suspected that it was actually turned to the better one.

Well, he was sure. He still was.

* * *

Heero quickly settled in on his favourite spot as soon as they arrived – in front of the window which was looking over the backyard. The garden was now full with various plants and flowers, especially vegetables (upon Relena's specific request, or so he learned from Duo). He didn't complain; for he liked the view, and it felt _homey_.

"Right on time for your medicine." Relena placed the small silver tray on the windowsill. She poured the substances from each bottle, gently put a hand over Heero's back head to support him, and with little effort quenching them little by little to Heero's mouth.

"Slowly," said Relena softly. "Just slowly – there we are. Alright. All set."

Heero gave a weak grunt and let the substance went down his throat on its own. He heaved a soft sigh, his fingers clicking, _Thank you_.

And Relena knew. She chuckled and took a seat beside him, caressing his bony and pale hand. "Okay, I'm all ready."

 _This might be cliché,_ Heero warned. _I'll try my best._

"I like your clichés," Relena teased. "Besides, we have all day."

Heero looked at his tablet monitor, contemplating on his next words. His eyes darted around the screen, before sighing quietly and began pushing his clicker contemplatively.

 _I am entirely myself,_ Relena noticed that Heero had chosen to begin with a lousy opening. Relena took a deep breath and steeled herself to listen; she knew _this_ would come sooner or later, but nonetheless she didn't expect it would feel this hurt to hear them. _You made me entirely myself._

"I didn't," Relena replied soberly. "You were and still your entire self, I'm afraid. Please, you know better. Don't put all the credits on me. It was always you."

Heero sighed again. Minutes passed, and he still fumbled with the clicker. He typed and deleted and typed again, struggling with words he rarely used. Relena didn't say a word, waiting patiently for him, occupying herself with a knit work.

 _I was broken and I wasn't merely surviving,_ finally the synthesised voice spoke up with a robotic, monotone tune. _But I was learning to live. All because of you. You made me find my resolve. You made me feel human. You made me realise that I was only human. You made me find my place to stand. I used to think that I want to do something humans did, controlling my own fate._

Then a silence. Heero's eyes darted to Relena, trying to convey his feelings to her. His wife always managed to read him through, somehow, always.

_I was trained as a soldier when I was a child. As daunting as it might sound, the genes manipulation I underwent did quite a number on me. But I'm grateful that I haven't disgraced as far as inhuman. Doctor J spared me on that premises. He wanted me to carry on the original Heero Yuy's legacy, not to turn me into some killing machine. That was my very first time that I regarded little of my existence._

The gentle evening breeze cooled their face.

_It dawned on me that may be it was part of the old coot's plan all the way back. He might be a scornful old man, but after all, we all are heading to the same purpose, objective; peace. That was what I saw within you when you tended to me after Duo shot me. That little bugger._

The heavy atmosphere broke at this and Relena laughed. "Heero, I shall tell you that I knew from him you used to amend your bloody broken leg on your own. That was nut, darling, really. I say you are on the same ride of bugger as Duo. And," she wrinkled her nose, "I was thinking this is going to be some teary, emotionally turgid talks?"

Heero gave a small smug smile. His eyes returned to his console, and he began clicking again.

 _I am fortunate._ The words came out emotionless from the device, but somehow, in Relena's ear, they flew out in her husband's voice – deep, soft and calm, vibrating and penetrating through her every body cells, making her warm – just as she remembered. Hot tears began to pool behind her eyelids, but she held back – not yet.

His voice. _The melody I loved so much. The melody that kept me stand up straight and hold my feet. The melody that soothed me so many times. My sanctuary…_

"How I deserve so much love from you?" Relena _could_ hear Heero's voice wondered solemnly, his face retracted into a sombre smile. "You understand me, Relena. Your brother was right. I did many foolish things to you; yet you only did the goods for me. I tend to see the bad ones, while you believe on your emotions which make you see only the goods. That is a gift. You are a gift for me."

"You deserve love as anyone else," Relena brought the thin, pale fingers into her strong grip. "After everything you've done for us, for the world… everyone can see it. We can feel it. Yes, Heero, you're as human as everyone else in this world."

"I'm glad," Heero tilted his head, no longer able to hold back a tear threatening from the corner of his eyes; torrents of emotions welling up in his chest as a small sob escaped his throat. "Thank you for doing this. I never wish for any of this to happen, but please know that I am happy. I am a man, you make me a man… Relena, I _am_ home."

Relena broke into a lachrymose weep; _his_ words hit her hard. She realised that it might not be long anymore. She bent down in front of him, clutching both his hands – very tightly. She cried out all her heart, her body wrecked in mourning sobs.

"Yes, Heero," Relena choked through her cries. "You are home. We'll go through this. I love you, so, so much, Heero. You complete my life. I couldn't possibly ask for more than this... I don't think I can imagine for – Heero, trust me that Helen will be _your_ daughter. I promise that I will love her endlessly just like I love you. I will protect her and our grandchildren, and our great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren. I'll protect them. I promise. I love you… I love you… so much. Oh, Heero… how you are loved so much. Heero Yuy… my husband. _My life…"_

Heero blinked a few times, trying to dispel the overflowing tears. His heart pulsed with painful aches as he stared at Relena's face, and his louder sobs shook his whole body as realisation hit him: he was going to leave, soon. Mustering all the strength within him, his trembling fingers nudged her hand.

 _I love you,_ Heero mouthed shakily. _Relena, I love you._

The orange-purplish silhouette shaded over the horizon, basking both of them in its warm rays. They cried in silence, holding each other; letting the bottled up emotions poured between them – for they needed to feel each other…


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The raw manifestation of the disease bore into Duo's very eyes and mind and he witnessed the other side of Heero which made him as he was.

_June, AC 204_

_National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery (NHS)_

_London, England_

_2000 hours_

It was warm.

It was kind of warmth that soothing him and made him so comfortable. A kind of warmth that he had longed for so long. He tried to cuddle deeper into the warmth, but strangely he couldn't find his way to the warmth. He felt like he was in a big, dark hole; with nothing and no one to lean on. He felt numb; and couldn't muster his strength to force open his heavy eyelids. But he didn't feel panic – as if he was already destined in this dark void space of nothingness.

 _Nothingness._ Maybe it was what he had become. Considering his deteriorating condition lately, he wouldn't be surprised if he was finally going – for he had too tired to continue his fight…

 _No,_  he scolded himself,  _not yet. I have to go back to Relena… Helen… my daughter… my child…_

His mind refused to stay alert, and it shut down; lulling him back into the deep space of black…

* * *

The exhausting, long await began to take its toll on Relena, but she dreaded the mere thought of leaving Heero alone. She couldn't leave. She wouldn't leave – she wanted to be by Heero's side. She wanted him to know that she was there for him. She knew it was selfish of her, but she knew Helen would understand. Their daughter had been a very sweet girl; in her very young age, she was very mature. Helen was obedient, and when she stayed in the hospital along with her mother, she rarely being fussy, only now and then being a finicky child like the others.

Helen was very close with her father. She found comfort and safety in her father's arms; there was no single day spent without Helen stubbornly refused leaving her father's lap, consistently clinging on him on the wheelchair. The toddler loved bombarded Heero with innocent, sometimes incoherent questions – just like any other children in her age. She admired how Heero never failed to answer her satisfyingly; in Helen's eyes, her father was the  _most_  man in everything in the world.

Helen understood that her father was ill. Relena had tried her best to explain to their child regarding the disease, but in the end, only one thing that Helen would want to know, "Will Daddy be okay?"

"Yes," Relena answered half-heartedly. "Daddy is so brave and strong, so he will be alright. You would just have to be a good girl so you won't give Daddy any trouble, okay?"

"But Daddy is so thin and he looks hurt, I don't like it. Do you promise me that Daddy will be okay?"

Relena hesitated at this, smiled and chuckled nonetheless, "Of course he will. You know how strong he is."

To be honest, Relena took comfort from her daughter's belief on his father. She felt that she drew strength from her innocence – she saw many Heero's traits in the child. Every time she looked at Helen's face, it was as if she looked at her husband. Helen was really an exact replica of Heero; save for her blonde hair. Helen's unusual maturity and quick thinking was something Relena suspected to be inherited from her father. Even though Heero said that his many outstanding abilities were the results of gene manipulation, but Relena had spent long enough time with Heero to be able to take conclusion that it was Heero's natural merits.

Milliardo, along with Noin, had helped to take care of Helen while Relena stayed in the hospital. He insisted on her going back home every night; she couldn't neglect her household chores entirely after all. She had the responsibility to take care of her daughter and to keep the atmosphere in the home as normal as possible. Relena obliged, for she knew Heero would want her to do so. He won't forgive her if she managed to mistreat their daughter.

Relena was honestly taken aback with Heero's unexpected demeanour towards their daughter. For someone who claimed himself for knew nothing about children; contradictory, Heero had always the better judgment than her. In times when Relena was at the edge of her nerve when facing Helen's irrational behaviours, Heero was always the one who assessed the situation wisely and calmly. He always managed to explain to Helen, clearly and kindly. He was strict about rules, but never harsh. He had the charm of being the head of their little family; had control but never perverted it. In his own way, Heero regained respect from his daughter, and his wife.

Considering his own abused childhood, it still left wonders to Relena how Heero succeeded at being a very good father. She could see that her husband was simply accepting and supportive. He simply wanted his family to be safe and happy; he was simply being open-minded about things that were queer to him. It bespoke his self entirely.

It was one of the qualities of Heero Relena admired and loved so much. It made her believe that indeed her choice was never, once, wrong.

_O Lord, I thank you for your generous and endless blessings upon me. Give me the power to hold onto Your strength; for I believe mine was nothing._

* * *

It had been almost a month and Heero still showed no sign of waking up. The respiration machine sounded awfully loudly in the quiet ICU room. Relena jolted awake, blinking her tired eyes as she took in her surroundings. The sound had startled her, a hopeful shine in her eyes. Each little sound coming from the direction of the bed raised her a new hope of her husband waking up from his coma, but her wish remained void when she realised that it was only the medical equipment taking its hourly measurement. Relena looked at her husband dourly; his pale lips forced open by the respiratory tube running into the open mouth. Her eyes slowly filled with tears as she studied his expressionless face; his eyes remained closed in a comatose sleep. Relena reached for Heero's limp yet warm hand, gripping it tightly as the doctors proceeded with the chart and their tasks. Heero contracted a walking pneumonia[1]; in which was life-threatening in his condition. He wasn't showing any signs of remote consciousness, Sally explained that he wasn't responding to any external stimuli.

"Relena, darling," Sally's gentle voice snapped her from her trance, and she jerked slightly as she looked up. "We need to talk. Would you please come with us outside, dear?"

"What – what is it? Is something wrong? No – I don't want to leave him. I don't like your expressions," Relena squeezed the lifeless hand tightly. "You can just say it here. I'm not leaving him, Sally. I have to be here – you must understand. Please – "

"Mrs Yuy, please calm down," Coppens said softly. "We believe it's better if we speak outside. It's possible, to some extent that your husband could sense the emotions around him, and we don't want to trigger any form of regress from our conversation. If you would, please, do this for him. It won't take long, we promise.  _And_ we promise he'll be alright."

Relena glanced at the still figure on the bed, and her heart palpitated against her ribs in anticipated excitement when she saw the eyelids were fluttering slightly. She gasped and exclaimed weakly, "He's moving! Sally, his eyelids moved! I'm certain!"

"Yes, Relena, I saw it too," Sally suppressed her own excited nerves. She checked on the equipment to get the readings, while Coppens resigned to check on the patient. He leaned closer above Heero's face, and gently called, "Mr Yuy? Can you hear me?"

Relena felt a twitch on her hand. She grabbed it firmly, and whispered, "Heero, dear? It's me, Relena. I'm here. Can you hear me? Please, Heero, can you hear me? Love?"

"Brain activity increased," Sally announced, taking a note on her paper charts. "Heart rate to 30 bpm. BP's 90/60… 37 bpm, Coppens."

"Mr Yuy?" Coppens tried again, tapping a finger repetitively on Heero's chest. "Come, Mr Yuy… can you hear us? Your wife is here."

"Heero, love, please. Open your eyes," Relena called anxiously. She kissed his hand lovingly.

The fingers twitched again and a very quiet moan escaped Heero's throat.

* * *

_Beep._

The beeping sound was constant; sometimes distant, sometimes clearly near. There were noises, but they were faint, as if they came from afar. Whispers came floating in an imaginary twirl. The whispers depicting no sense, he could not understand them.

The light in the distance was becoming brighter; it drew nearer. He knew that light meant awareness, and suddenly the urge to grasp the reality around him became so strong. He wanted to go back to Relena, to Helen; he wanted to go  _home_. To his family. His wife, and his daughter…

Memories of life slowly returned. The voices were closer now; and he could distinguish the words around him. It was his name… someone called his name. He felt warm and comfortable. Senses slowly returning to him, and he commanded himself,  _Wake up. Someone's calling me. You know this voice… Relena… Helen…_

His throat was parched and hurt. His head was nestled in a soft pillow; his body was numb. He took a short and careful breath, testing the air around him. It was strong with typical malodorous, sterile hospital odour. There was a burning and tingling feeling in his chest; and he gradually became aware of his own body: a nasogastric tube ran through his nose, past down his throat. He let out a small cough and moaned at the sudden jerk that went through his body. He tried to open his eyes, but they were heavy; as if it were glued. His subconscious demanded him to not go back to the land of living, but his burning emotions took the best. Finally, he opened one eye – just a tiny slit.

The image that came into his vision was blurry and bright. Slowly, he opened his eyes. It took some time for the image to adjust, and when he finally blinked away the blur, he was staring at a plain white ceiling. He averted his eyes to his surroundings, and he caught the worried face of Relena staring back at him apprehensively.

"Heero, dear?" his wife croaked, her lips forming a trembling yet relieved smile. "Thank Lord… thank you. You're awake… can you hear me, dear? Heero?"

He gazed at Relena, irking an eyebrow as his response. He struggled to move his lips,  _Relena…_

"Yes," a tear fell down her cheek, but he could feel that it was tear of happiness. "It's me. I'm here, I'm here."

He stared squarely on her eyes, asking silently.

"You were in a coma," Relena said softly. "You contracted a walking pneumonia. We were able to detect it very early, so the doctors could prevent further damage."

Rush of emotions exploded in his heart and he could feel hot tears gathered in his eyes. He blinked, desperately trying to say how sorry he was to cause her so much trouble and that she had to go through all the emotional roller-coaster. Not to mention the pressure he had put on Helen, too… she was too young for all of this…

"Don't be stupid," Relena rebuked gently, wiping his cheek with her soft and cold thumb. "Helen is wonderful, you know. She's a very obedient girl. She even refused to leave you. She's a great, great child. You don't need to worry. Everything is okay. You'll be alright. Just get a plenty of rest so you can go home."

"Your vitals seem to be doing well, Mr Yuy. You're responding well, and that's a good sign. We shall keep you under our supervision for more a couple days, see if your lungs can lead to full recovery. For now, just rest." Coppens volunteered for information.

Heero averted his gaze to his only remaining fingers and moved them sluggishly. Relena caught this and nodded. "Okay. But you must go back to sleep after this."

"What is it?" Sally asked when Relena turned around.

"His clicker," said Relena. "He wants to talk." She walked away to the corner of the room where a red bag placed on a small couch. She rummaged the bag and pulled out Heero's tablet communication aid and the clicker. She set the device comfortably in Heero's hand and he gave a weak, small smile of gratitude. He began to click nebulously.

_How long have I been out?_

Relena exchanged glances to Coppens and Sally, trusting them to answer Heero's questions. "Approximately 3 weeks, Heero. Pneumonia is very threatening to MND patients. We were able to bring you round from the anaesthetic without the requirement to take so far for a tracheotomy procedure."

Heero looked troubled at the length of his absence for a moment, before finally asked the matter that bothered him the most:  _What are the precipice?_

"Heero, you need to rest now. You can ask more later when you're more lucid," Sally tried to prevail. "Please?"

Heero fumbled with the clicker.  _Fine. Last question. How is Helen, Relena?_

"She's doing great. Been asking to sleep here for days," Relena touched his arm. "You don't need to worry, I told you, right? Karla, Milliardo and Noin have been a great help around the house. Helen is well taken-care. I'm taking her here once you're cleared from ICU."

Heero gave a small nod, finally consented. His eyelids were already becoming heavy, though. He let his breathe even and in no time, drifted back to an exhausted slumber.

* * *

_National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery (NHS)_

_London, England_

_Visiting hours_

Duo Maxwell never liked hospitals.

Hospitals made him feel isolated and all alone, and he hated both the most. He felt like damaged; like a discarded toy when it was no longer used. Hospitals drove him insane, making him wanted to do  _crazy_  stunts.

Though of course Heero was the best at the premises.

Heero had been removed to the general room. His nearly two-month coma had made everyone  _nearly_  given up their hopes. But Duo knew that Heero wasn't going to give up. Not yet, because Duo knew very well how much Heero loved his wife and daughter; he won't let go so easily.

Duo also knew of the medical complications. It's not only the MND; but also the gene alterations  _and_  the liver condition. Two years of the life expectancy sentence had passed; it left Heero's doctors the wonders on how he was very stubborn – and how he was hanging on. He fought his way fiendishly; refusing to give in to the disease. His will to live was so tremendous, his doctors deduced it was the positive emotion and mental condition that kept Heero fighting – his love and dedication to his family was the biggest factor.

Duo's relationship with Heero was a deep, yet subtle one. One could tell that they were close friends, but Duo felt it went through beyond that. Heero was like a brother to him; a family. Many were curious how he could manage to hang around with the aloof, seemed-cold and emotionless young man. It took years, even since the war, for Duo to get Heero feel comfortable around him – Heero wasn't an easy person to deal with. His nature was difficult, feisty; one had to be careful not to push him too far.

Through their Preventer years as partner, Heero had learned to put his complete trust in Duo. Heero himself had anointed Duo as his personal undercover agent. Heero had simply said: "You're the best person I ever know in the province, Duo."

It connoted that Heero had let him into his life – their feelings were mutual. It meant that Duo carried the equal presence to Heero. Duo's extravert nature did both of them good balance. Heero was the calm and calculated mind, complementing with Duo's impulsive behaviour. They often fought and bantered each other, but they also watched and trusted each other backs. They cared and concerned for each other – it was that simple form of friendship.

Duo had promised his friend to take Helen to see his father that afternoon. The little girl liked her Uncle Duo so much, because every time Uncle Duo came to the house she would get her favourite  _Hope and Greenwood_  liquorice assorted sweets  _and_  the  _Harrod's_  delivery van tin filled fruit jellies. Duo had become fond of Helen's shining and bright eyes every time he handed over her gifts into her little hands, and a tight bear hug was what Duo got.

And that alone made his day. He realised painfully, though, that Heero was the one who supposed to be getting that hug; that smile. The fact gave him sad and unpleasant thoughts.  _Heero should be the one to be with her. Not me, not Zechs. It should be him and Relena…_

Duo looked down at the little girl whose hand was in his. "You're excited to see your dad, yeah, Lil' Princess?"

"Yes!" Helen chirped happily. On her other grasp was her  _Harrod's_  fruit jellies. "Mummy and Uncle Mill wouldn't let me see Daddy. Mummy said that Daddy's okay, I don't understand why they wouldn't let me see Daddy."

"Your dad needs a lot of rest."

"He can just rest well at home! I haven't got to play with Daddy for so long! It's not fair!" Helen protested. Duo chuckled.

"Naw, you've got the point, but ya' know Daddy's sickness is more complicated than that. The doctors have to take care of him in here because there are lots of treatments your father would need. 'Sides, your mummy needs rest too at home sometimes, good in a little while. What d'you say on that, Princess?"

"I just want to be with my Dad," Helen said quietly. "I can help nurse Daddy too. Uncle Mill said I'm already very good at nursing Dad."

"I know you are," said Duo softly.

"Uncle Duo?" Helen stopped in her track, looking up at Duo. Her expression was serious. "Is Daddy going to make it?"

The simple question actually halted Duo's heartbeat and he stopped in his stride too. "Helen, what made you say that? Of course Heero will make it. Your dad is a tough guy."

"But I read on a pamphlet I found in the living room about Daddy's condition. It said that eventually people like Daddy will die."

Something heavy and painful flared up in Duo's stomach, making him nauseous. "Yeah?"

"It said that Daddy will die peacefully in his sleep without pain," Helen's voice was quivering. "I don't want Daddy to go, but if makes Daddy in no pain anymore, I think it's better for him to go. I don't want Daddy to be in pain. I don't want Daddy gets hurt."

"Listen to me now, Princess," Duo crouched down, levelling his eyes to Helen's ones. He smiled half-heartedly. "Like I told you times before, your father is a tough guy. He's gone so many hardships and pain, many years before you were born. I was with him, love. We fought together in the war. He was willing to put himself in those hardships. You know why he did that? So that the world you'll be living in is a world of peace. And that's what he's doing now, just like ol' times, for you and your mother. What you can do to respect and pay him back is just as simple as not to doubt him, trust in him. We fought, he fought so hard. Been hurt and almost died too many times… self-sacrificing maniac, your father is…" Duo grinned, and suddenly realising what he was saying, he hurried to whisper, "Hey, look, I shouldn't be telling ya' all of this, so promise me keep this shut from your mother and uncle or sweet Uncle Duo will get killed! Pinkie promise?" Duo stretched out his pinkie finger, and was met with Helen's tiny one. Helen nodded, her expression became even more serious.

"Uncle Duo?"

"Yeah?"

"Daddy is right. You talk so much."

Duo gaped, blinking dumbly. "Come again?"

Helen only kept her steady gaze on him. Duo came back to his senses and groaned, "Jesus, you  _are_  really Heero's daughter…"

* * *

_May, AC 204_

_Yuy's Residence, Tottenham, London_

_Nearing evening_

Helen's laughter echoed through the house from the opened window. Relena peeked her head out to the backyard, where Helen was running away from Duo who was chasing her around. Duo managed to catch the toddler and gave her a tickle, and Helen dropped to the ground, kicking and rolling to avoid the attack. She screamed in delight and laughed, she was ticklish – just like Relena.

"Stop!" Helen managed to squeal through her giggles. "Uncle Duo, stop! I give up!"

"You do?" Duo teased, easing his tickling and gasped for breathe.

"I do, I do!" Helen panted, still giggling. "I give up."

Relena smiled at the two and turned to Heero, who was on his wheelchair, in his usual spot. Her husband watched the scene with a serene expression; he was content. Helen sat up and turned to the window, catching her parents were watching her. She ran to the kitchen door and appeared in the living room moments later. She climbed up to Heero's lap, carefully placing her father's hands on her own lap.

"Uncle Duo is being meanie!" Helen pouted to her father, pointing a finger to the grinning Duo just outside the window. "He knows I'm all ticklish…"

 _You stink,_  was what Heero said as a response to his daughter.  _Go take a bath._

Helen made a sound of protest, but Relena scooped Helen into her arms. "Your father is right, Helen. It's almost seven, now come. Let's take a bath together with Mummy, what say you?"

"But – "

 _No buts,_  Heero warned.  _Do what your mother says._

"It's cold!" Helen tried her luck.

_Of course it is. But it was your own fault that you get all dirty and sweaty._

"Not fair! It was Uncle Duo!"

_I don't care if Duo has all sorts of bacteria on his body and gets sick, but I don't like the idea of you getting sick. Now go with your mother._

"Hey!" Duo protested. "That's not nice, Heero! Stop influencing Lil' Princess with that sarcasm of yours,  _geez!"_

"You're right, Daddy." Helen nodded approvingly, and without further resistance followed her mother. Duo grinned at this and placed both his arms on the outside windowsill, resting his head on it.

"You're surprisingly good at this, buddy," Duo commented.

 _You learn best from experience,_ Heero countered. Duo raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you're a textbook person, man. No cheating at all?"

 _You'll understand when you and Hilde have your own,_  Heero gave a sated look.

Duo's cheeks blossomed red. "Hey! Hilde and I are not like that!"

_I advise you to before everything's too late, Duo. You wouldn't want to regret later. I reckon you're aware of that fact._

"I know," Duo sighed. "She's been sending me signals, I s'pose… I think I'm just too afraid, yanno? I'm not that dense to not understand her gestures… but has the same fears as yours, yeah. A husband, a father… I dunno if I'm capable of it, I'm afraid I'll hurt her eventually. Ergh, this sucks, man. Being adult's no fun."

_That's a purpose, Duo. Everyone makes mistakes. You won't succeed if you don't take the chances and the challenges. Everyone has their own share of fears, but you know failures will shape you into a better man. You are lucky you have her. Don't make the same mistake as I almost did._

"Well said," Duo smiled. "Point taken. Gonna catch over as soon as I get home, buddy." He studied Heero's figure, his heart flinched with sadness. Heero clearly had lost a few good pounds since his discharge from the hospital, and he had now required non-invasive breathing assistance occasionally. He was more often feeling exhausted, and spent more time in bed, resting, too tired to stay awake. Moments when Heero was feeling healthy and strong enough like now was becoming rare. Less of food he could swallow was the prime factor for his losing weight. He couldn't eat solid food, Relena had to blender them into smooth liquid substances.

It hurt Duo seeing the invincible Heero Yuy was slowly giving in to the gruelling disease.

"Let's take you back to your warm bed," Duo finally said, noticing how Heero's neck had slumped against the shoulder and his usually gripping fingers around the clicker had sprawled over his lap. "Yeah, tough guy?"

Heero ran his glazed eyes to the young Preventer agent, confirming his agreement. Duo nodded as he jumped inside through the window, but was sent off a few feet from the ground as a loud voice barked angrily behind, "Maxwell! How dare you jumping inside with that dirty boots – wash your hands! I won't let you risk Heero's health from those germs you're bringing along!"

"Christ!" Duo exclaimed, running a hand weakly around his chest. "Fuck, Zechs, you and your OCD! I was gonna wash my hands anyway – "

A muscle twitched on Zech's temple. "Your damn boots, Maxwell. Get out and clean up yourself!"

" _Alright, alright!_ Quit with your whining, for Christ's sake! Not fair! Helen was dirty too and only I got this treatment?" Duo grumbled in annoyance, walking away but Zechs' was fuming again.

"Take off your damn boots, Maxwell, take them with your bloody hands, don't go smearing the whole house with it!"

Duo muttered incoherent curses and did as he was told to. Zechs turned to his brother-in-law, "Next time make sure he enters from the proper entrance and clear of all germs, understand?"

Heero sighed and reluctantly reached for his clicker.  _Zechs._

"What?"

_As much as I appreciate it, but you're as loud as Duo. You can be very well annoying as Duo too. The mother-hen within you is prevailing._

"… Shut up."

* * *

The clock already hummed a quiet midnight when Relena finally settled into the bed, beside her husband. She huddled closer, running a hand gently through his unruly, yet soft brown locks, and kissed his shoulder. Her finger continued to stroke the hair absent-mindedly, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

The regression was becoming even tangible. Heero's doctors and palliative carers had warned her early for end-of-life precautions.

" _Your husband's breathing muscles are weakening, Mrs Yuy. Usually, when it happens, the neck and shoulder muscles will be involved to aid the breathing, but please do remember that those muscles are also not helping much in their current state. Thus, this affects both breathing in and out. Breathing becomes shallower, pulling less air into the lungs. This can affect while asleep, as oxygen levels in the blood can raise and fall. They may wakeup or fail to remain in deep sleep, which can leave patients feeling tired instead of refreshed._

" _The following suggestions may help, Mrs Yuy. Positioning, air flow, humidity, flu and pneumonia vaccinations, are few options that I devise for your husband's most comfort. Positioning means that you have to make sure that his chest can expand as fully as possible when sitting or lying. It may be easier to breathe when sitting or lying though, because gravity helps the diaphragm move downwards to take a full breath. A riser recliner chair is also one good choice. As for air flow, just make sure the flow of air in the room is good, open windows or a fan will be fine. For now, we will prepare your for an NIV – Non-invasive ventilation. Ventilation is usually needed overnight at first, but as the disease progresses, your husband may become reliant and need it during the day too. Precautions as its best, Ma'am, and should you have more enquiries, feel free to drop us a call."_

"I'm not ready," Relena whispered, shuddering at the words  _end-of-life care_  flashing in her mind. "Not yet, Heero. Please, I beg you, a little longer. Just a little longer. I don't want to be selfish, but honestly, Heero, not yet. God, I don't feel like I would ever be ready… how I can be when every time I see Helen, all I see is you…" she swallowed hard, wiping her eyes and nose.

"I know that I will have to let you go in the end, so you won't ever be in pain anymore. It hurts you, it hurts me. It's so contradictory… it's not fair. After all you have done for me, for us, the world… I wish there was another way. I wish it wouldn't turn out like this… you deserve so, so much happiness, Heero… I love you…"

Taking a sharp breath, Relena tried to get off the bed as quiet as possible. She retreated from the bedroom, and leaning against the door outside, she slid down on the cold ground as she let her cry loose. Her chest was heavy with a burst of sadness, anger, trepidations…

She continued to cry silently; harnessing the personal space she rarely could get. After all, she has to be strong for her husband and daughter. But for now, she thought it would be no problem to fall into her weakness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1]Walking pneumonia: or atypical pneumonia, is a less serious form of the lung infection pneumonia. It's caused by Mycoplasma bacteria, which causes cold-like symptoms in addition to a low-grade fever and a hacking cough. Pneumonia is one of the leading causes of death among those with MND because of decreased respiratory capacity, weakened diaphragm musculature, accumulation of phlegm and mucus in the throat and/or nasal passage, and/or contact with others who may cause or exacerbate infection. Because pneumonia can be difficult to eradicate once it develops and often requires hospitalisation for those with MND, patients should be vigilant about prevention.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time ticks away. Another glimpse to the past explains the dedication holds firmly within Relena.

_September, AC 197_

_X-1826999 Cluster, L1 Colony_

The sky was tight with dark, imminent clouds of highly possible rain; courtesy of the poorly - in Relena's honest opinion - made artificial weather. Well, everything in this colony was anything but natural. She didn't like it. It didn't feel right. It  _bothered_  her, almost. That's why she didn't take a liking for any kind of visit, be it work or just mere holiday, to the colonies. But her job required her to do so, and she had come to accept her defeat in the matter. The technologies might be far more impressive than the Earth's damaged structure could surmount, but she honoured the fresh and  _natural_  scent of mother Earth's every single being. The sea, the forest, the soil, the rain, the animals, everything - she loved it. None of those artificial could replace the sheer beauty of mother Earth.

Relena released a discontented sigh as she turned away from the window. She was in a conference for four days on the colony; it was her last day and she would finally fly back to Brussels at tomorrow noon. She huffed and turned to the other figure sitting on the smaller office desk, looking at her mutely with calculating, deep Prussian blue eyes. He smiled ever so slightly as he closed the laptop on the desk, leaning back against the chair, undisturbed.

"You are upset." Heero stated simply.

"Who won't be in the middle of these guises?" said Relena jadedly.

"Guises," Heero repeated slowly. "That's harsh, considering the meaning."

"Sorry," Relena said quickly and shook her head. "It's just frustrating for me, I guess. You feel different, then?"

"Not really," said Heero quietly. "I am not that fond of colonies, either."

"You're not?" Relena was mildly surprised. "But you are from the L1, are you not? Well, looking from your appearance..."

Heero shrugged. "Yes, I am from the colonies, but I suppose I don't really feel like a spacenoid."

Relena wrinkled her nose uncomfortably at the term. "There's really not that much of differences, honestly, we are all the same. Humans."

Heero stared at her thoughtfully, his expression softened when he spoke, "Come. Let's take a last stroll around the district."

Relena raised an eyebrow in expectation, but Heero didn't say anything more. He simply stood up and walked to the door, gesturing her to follow him. Relena complied, and they exited the ESUN's Representative Building they were currently at.

The streets looked like any other normal bustling, city streets in other countries. Though, when Relena cast her eyes above, she glared at it disdainfully. The sky was  _not_  vast; it was with  _visible_  boundaries that gave her the sense of being trapped in a cage. The cylinder structure, added with the soft yet constant humming of the machines in the background to work the artificial weather; didn't amuse Relena at all. She glanced at her bodyguard, who looked as composed as ever.

Heero led her through the tall buildings and avenues, and after what felt like hours, they suddenly reached a small lake, with spinney spread further ahead of them. Relena halted in her track as she looked around, startled. There were few squirrels and rabbits around, and she took a step forward to Heero's side.

"Heero?" Relena called doubtfully. "This is...?"

"It's nothing compared to what we have seen on Earth, but people in here cherish every little thing they can relish. Many of colonies-born wish they can live down there. It's a privilege few can get, Relena. To them, it's only a distant dream. People in colonies are grateful for what they can savour, even if it's only a little portion of what we are able to luxuriate."

"To remind us of how lucky we are," Relena whispered, taking a deep breath as she threw her eyes around the premise. "You're right, Heero. There are still so many people out there who are not lucky as we are. That is what we have to fight for. Freedom and justice, for everyone."

"Yes." Heero said softly.

"I don't really know, but... do you mind if I ask you something?" Relena shifted uncomfortably.

"You have just asked."

"You know what I mean," Relena slapped a hand on Heero's back playfully. She fidgeted uncomfortably, nervous of what she was going to ask. She feared she would cross the line, but…

"Heero," said Relena tentatively, "do you… do you have any family left?"

Heero turned to her with a tense gesture, his expression was surprisingly distraught. Relena blinked at the unexpected reaction, and hurried to murmur a muffled apology. Apparently Heero realised that he was giving away what he usually hid and the stoic mask was back before Relena could say another word. His posture relaxed and he sighed quietly, answering her question simply, "No."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry," Relena offered carefully, throwing an apologetic smile in genuine guilt. "I'm really sorry. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I'm… just curious, that's all."

"No," Heero muttered, shrugging. "Don't be sorry. I just… it's nothing."

The silence that followed after was almost deafening. Relena shifted her eyes to the scenery ahead, too afraid to look at her bodyguard. Heero remained unmoving for a long time, before sighed again.

"I saw my parents were killed," suddenly Heero offered calmly. Relena looked up, surprised. She opened her mouth, but Heero shook his head. "It's fine. Let me… let me do this."

Relena nodded knowingly, and dropped to the ground. She hugged her knees against her chest, looking up at Heero expectantly. Heero hesitated before following her example.

"Relax," Relena told him. "And if you decided not to tell, it's really fine. It's a private matter and I respect you for that."

"I know," said Heero softly. "I was thinking it might… help me."

"Of course. I don't mind sharing with you either."

Heero cast his look to the forest. "I was taken in and raised by the killer of my parents. He didn't know I exist. It seemed that my parents lived in a hiding. That assassin who was later became my father, he raised me as a killer. Combat, firearms, explosive; he taught me all of those aspects into full account. It was harsh." Heero paused, his visage was distant. "I killed since I was a kid."

"You were forced to," Relena pointed out, not out of comforting, but merely saying the truth. "It wasn't at your own will. You were still very young, you were lost, and you got no one but him to rely and to survive. What choices did you have back then, really?"

Heero's eyes averted to Relena; his feature blank. "I cannot say no on that matter. I am not justifying my motives. I did have a choice. I could have chosen to refuse and neglect, but I didn't."

"You were just a mere kid," Relena countered, painfully understanding if the boy truly believed that he was on the part to blame. "Your decision was based on your instinct because that was  _what_  kids should have done. Stop blaming yourself."

Heero looked troubled. "I don't know about that. I am in no position to say anything in that matter."

"There is this one old saying," said Relena suddenly, "in which my mother always told me. 'Your kids watch you for a living. It's their job; it's what they do. That's why it's so important to try your best to be a good role model'. And look what I end up as to! It was never your fault, Heero, trust me." She squeezed Heero's hand. "Contradictory, it was amazing at how you grow up as a real gentleman, Heero. Despite what you have done, despite all the wrongdoings your father did to you, you still managed to hold on to your heart. That alone is enough to prove that you are just like the others. You're human; and a very kind one, on top of that. With your brilliant logic, it shouldn't be hard for you to understand that, I assume."

Heero looked unconvinced as he tried to arrange his thoughts. He stared ahead, a brooding expression on his face.

"Yes," he finally agreed. "Maybe you are right."

"Try to see yourself in a different perspective," Relena suggested. "There is lots of goodness to see within you. Libra proves that."

"Yes," Heero said again, nodding, "I think you are right."

"I know I  _am_  right."

Heero returned with a small nod of gratitude, and continued enjoying the scene with serenity.

"Hey," Relena suddenly spoke, her eyes were shining with excitement. "Heero, I've been thinking."

"Of what?" Heero asked cautiously. She sometimes had the most wicked thoughts.

"Your next-of-kin," said Relena impatiently. "I can be your next-of-kin!"

"You can be my  _what?"_  Heero stared at Relena incredulously. "Where is  _this_  coming from?"

"Think about it!" Relena rose to her feet; walking back and forth as the idea planted deeper in her mind. "Heero, for what I take, it might become a quite hazardous way for you from now on, considering your official status as my personal bodyguard. I want to arrange that I am to be legally listed as your NOK, so that when something - "

"That is ridicule," Heero said abrasively; getting up on his feet as well. " _Think_  straight, Minister. What are you trying to pull?"

Relena was taken aback at the harsh response. "Heero, I meant exactly what it is - "

"Define NOK," Heero was now on defensive, "do you know what will it bring?"

"Yes, of course I know perfectly well, Heero," Relena said, somehow irritated. "I am also very well aware how it varies in other regions, so I say this on my  _own_ awareness. What I'm trying to say is, I want it when something happened to you, the officials could reach me for their consent. Of course I never hope that something would happen to you, but just in case, then I want it to be the best options available for you. And considering our situation now, I don't think this decision is wrong."

"Your logic is flawed." Heero said coldly. "You and I are strangers. What you are proposing is unacceptable."

"No we're not," Relena shot back, glaring at her bodyguard. Heero's lips went thin and his jaw was tight, his eyes narrowed. "I don't take it as 'strangers' after all we've been through. You, for the record, have been shot  _five_  times in my place and have went under three surgeries from them. How could you say we're strangers, after all of that? How could you say that?"

"That's my job and responsibilities, Minister."

"Oh,  _stop it!"_  Relena stomped in frustration, indignant. "Taking bullets and sacrificing yourself for me are not stated on your contract! Your job is to protect me, yes, but not giving up your life for me! I know that there are circumstances when you must take out of box precautions, but just – just not like that, okay? And you're expecting us just as merely 'strangers'? I practically own my life to you – not to say, other things you've done for me, for instance, regarding my job – no, I can't let it just slip away when something happens to you and I couldn't be able to do  _more_  to help you! You're more than a bodyguard for me, you're a very dear friend and I value your presence – highly, Heero, if you mind! Would you please understand that? Let someone take care of you, for God's sake!"

Heero's expression became less rigid and accusing. He stared at Relena for a long time, and bowed his head; suddenly looking very tired.

"That," Heero started very quietly, "is the first time of someone saying about 'taking care of me'."

"Oh," Relena breathed, flying a hand over her mouth. She shuddered, and overwhelmed by abrupt emotions, taking a deep breath as she wiped her eyes. "Oh, Heero. That's why – please believe me I do care for you and I have no other intentions. Please know that you've been a very avuncular support for me, and I do want to do the same for you, because you deserve it. You deserve someone to taking care for you, fussing about over you, and I want to be that person, because – Heero, you've done so much for me. This is the very least I can do."

There was a relatively long silence.

"I believe you," finally Heero said calmly. "I might even able to comprehend what I don't until now."

Relena reached a hand to squeeze Heero's. "I know, Heero. I know. That's what family for. Let's try, alright? Let's try." She smiled. "You're not alone. You have your friends, and I want you to rely on them like we do on you. Do all of us that favour, will you, please?"

Heero nodded; his posture relaxed considerably. "I will."

* * *

_September, AC 204_

_Brussels_

The wall clock chimed nine when Chang Wufei finally closed all programs on his computer and grunted. Closing his eyes, Wufei opened them again to find that his mind sought for something it had been the past few weeks after office hours: two frame of photos by the side of his monitor.

The photo was of him and other Preventer executives and top special agents, with Heero and Lady Une standing on the centre; wearing the only distinguishing Preventer's grey uniform as the commanders. The picture was taken 4 years ago, just few months before the Göstav's incident took place.

The other smaller frame stood right by its side. It was the picture of the five of them shortly after their enlistment to the Preventer. Duo mostly covered the whole photo; his long braid swinging behind him, his both arms stretched with a wide grin plastered on his face. Quatre's blond lock peeked just right above Duo's right arm, trying to get into the frame. Trowa's tall figure stood over them all, his whole face remained in the same composed expression, his lips retracted to the side a little; forming an amused smirk. Heero leaned against the wall, both arms crossed and his face was stoic as usual. Wufei himself was sitting on the floor, next to Heero's feet, looking annoyed (he remembered it perfectly that he was, no doubt, very much irritated at Duo Maxwell's childish behaviour).

His stomach did a little, yet painful twist when he stared at Heero's figure. In both pictures, the ex-Wing Zero pilot seemed so fierce, strong, and unassailable – the invincible Heero Yuy he used to know. A fellow Gundam pilot, a comrade, a brother – in whom he trusted to lean his back on.

Wufei had paid the ex-commander a visit just a week ago. He stayed in London for a while due to his Preventer works, dropped by Heero and Relena's residence when he had the time.

Heero's condition had taken turn to the worse. His remaining functioning fingers were only his forefinger and middle finger, and non-invasive breathing assistance was now requisite. Even with the clicker, it took more than a minute for Heero to form a mere four-word sentence, so people around him tried their best to ask him simple questions.

" _How do you do, Yuy?" Wufei had tried to act as normal as he could, but failing miserably at his slightly trembling voice. Heero's once broad, muscular feature had long gone, replaced by a gaunt and scrawny one; reminding Wufei painfully at how the gruelling disease was slowly eating away the fire of life from Heero. The sharp and fierce look on the Prussian blue eyes was now glazing, too tired to even stay awake._

 _The fingers on the white sheet were struggling against the clicker._ I've been worse.

_Wufei nodded. "The crazy self-destruct you did back then surely blew the entire universe."_

_The corner of Heero's mouth trembled for a smirk._ That was worst.

_Wufei nodded again, and hesitantly, placed his hand on the pale one on the bed. A cold and sharp sensation ran down along his spine when Wufei felt the bones swelled against the skin under his fingers. "You're doing great, Heero. Don't give up." He paused, and squeezed lightly. "You've got our backs, just like you've got ours all this time."_

_Heero settled his eyes on Wufei's face, and raised an eyebrow slightly to voice his agreement. Wufei understood that Heero was already in the brink of deep sleep. Patting his hand gently on Heero's, Wufei stood up to leave the room quietly. Even before Wufei reached the door, Heero had already fallen victim to the fatigue. Wufei stopped and stared at the figure on the bed for a few minutes before turning around sharply, his fists clenched tightly._

It told Wufei enough of the situation. He had asked to Sally regarding the progress when he was back two weeks ago, and he immediately regretted had done so.

"Not long, Wufei," Sally told him. "Not long. His condition is worsened by his failing immune and body system. But tell you what – he's done very, very great until now. It even still left us the wonders how could he hang on for so long – honestly, I think that this might be better for him... he wouldn't be suffering anymore, Wufei. He's done enough. I hate seeing him like that any longer… I don't think I could."

"Yeah." Wufei said hesitantly, genuinely upset. "Neither could I."

"We're working together with Heero's palliative carers in London," said Sally softly. "I'm scheduled to move to London for taking active part in Heero's end-of-life precautions in the following week. Essentially, I am to support Relena and Helen emotionally."

"'End-of-life', huh?" Wufei repeated bitterly. "Yes, it might be the better."

"Eventually, we all will come to that particular point in life," Sally reminded him solemnly. "I will assume that God loves him more than all of us that he wants to take him by his side for an everlasting happiness."

"I have never believed in God, Sally," Wufei reminded quietly, "but this time, I suppose I do believe for I want to that reason is enough for him to be taken away."

* * *

_November, AC 204_

A loud squeal of joy cut through the house as heavy footsteps and stomps reverberated. Relena sighed as she stood up from the chair beside the bed, and exited the master bedroom to see what the havoc was.

Helen was having her two friends coming over to play after school, and it seemed that the three of them were running around the living room. Why were they chasing each other like  _boys_  when they could have played something much more like a girl's play – playing cooking or something?

"Helen," Relena called warningly, "did you remember what Mummy told you? No running, no screaming. Keep it down, alright, ladies? Your father needs rest, darling. Go to Claire's house if you want a day of running around."

Helen quickly stopped and ran to her mother. "I'm sorry, Mummy," she tucked at Relena's sleeve, "I forgot. I didn't mean to disturb Daddy. We'll play something fun but quiet, we promise. Right, Claire? Isabel?"

The other two little girls nodded nervously as they watched Relena. Relena shook her head and smiled, kissing the top of her daughter's head and stroked Helen's hair tenderly. "I know, that's why I'm reminding you. Just try not to be very loud. Daddy is very tired today. You want to see him this night, don't you, Helen?"

"Of course I want!" Helen protested vigorously. "You promised me, Mummy!"

"Yes, yes, I know I did," Relena chuckled, waving her hand in a hushing gesture. "Now go play upstairs."

Helen led her two friends to go to the stairs and they giggled all the way, closing their mouth with their little hands. A small smile tugged at Relena's lips, and she retreated back into the bedroom. She opened and closed the door slowly.

She set herself again on the armchair stood by the bed, and reached for a cup of warm tea on the bedside table. Her husband was lying in a sitting position supported by pillows. Relena dipped a spoon into the cup, and fed it to her husband carefully.

"She was having fun," Relena informed softly. "She is so sweet. I promised her to let her sleep with us tonight if she doesn't wreak havoc in the house."

Heero rested his eyes on his wife. His shaky finger clicked very slowly.  _Give her some slack._

"Heero, I understand that you want to give her freedom as much as we could, and I do agree with you. But you need your rest," Relena argued gently. "Besides, she's already having so much fun in school. She will bombard you tonight, I'm sure of that. So, prepare yourself, and rest well now."

Heero raised an eyebrow for his consent. He felt his eyes drooped, and blinked drowsily as Helen's laughter echoed from upstairs. Sighing quietly, Heero summoned all his strength for his clicker.

_You should take your rest too after the girls go back home._

"Oh, I will," Relena winked, putting the cup back onto the table. She noticed that Heero was already tired and would be drifted to sleep in no time. She stood up as she adjusted the pillows to settle comfortably for her husband, and she positioned Heero into a lying position. "Get some sleep now. Just ring the bell if you need something, okay? I love you."

Heero let out a small noise, looking straight at Relena's eyes to convey his mutual feelings. Relena kissed him lightly on his lips, then planted a long one on his forehead. Heero closed his eyes as he leaned into the touch, and evened his breathe as he slipped into slumber.

_I love you too, Relena. Thank you for doing all of this for me. I wish everything could be different…_

* * *

_January, AC 205_

_L3 Colony_

Jobs were even more demanding for Quatre Winner. He supposed it was good business, then, but Quatre yearned for an escape from all the paper works. His sisters, especially Iria, had requested him to go for a little vacation and let the others take over his jobs for a while. Well, this time, Quatre would take it into full account.

Of course Quatre was planning to go for a trip around the Europe where he would eventually be in London as his last destination. He had contacted Trowa and asked if he was available for his company, but the circus was about to begin a new performance tour through America and he couldn't promise. Trowa promised though to be at least presentable at the time around in which Quatre would be in London, and would confirm to Quatre should the plan changed.

"Okay, Trowa. I just thought that maybe this time, you really should be coming with me. To see Heero."

Trowa immediately knew what was the young businessman referring to. "Do you feel it, Quatre?"

"Yes." Quatre said soberly. "I want the four of us to be there when the time comes. Miss Relena would need all the support she could get."

"Then I shall propose for an early leave. Fix me a date and I would make it." Trowa's voice was perceptibly solemn – an uncharacteristic piece of him. "Quatre, it just happened that Heero's time is ahead of us. No matter how mean it sounds, that is a fact and we are eventually to accept it. Yes, if it could be different, then sorrow shan't be. I don't believe in God, but I believe then He has better plans for Heero, this way."

"I really wish so," Quatre whispered. "It's just not fair that everything was taken away from him when he was really beginning to learn to live. He deserves the chance, Trowa. The happiness. Now I must convince myself that indeed Allah has the better way to show His grace."

"Everything he's done and went through had never been in vain." Trowa said matter-of-factly. "It lays on our hands to continue and protect what he has built. That's the very least we can do."

"Always, Trowa." Quatre vowed solemnly. "Always. For Allah is the greater power, and granted us with such divine grace. God is with us all."

* * *

_London, England_

It was the usual chilly winter morning in London. But the weather wouldn't hinder Helen to wake up at 7 sharp, because she didn't want to lose any precious second to have a breakfast with her father before she went to school.

Karla was already in the kitchen preparing breakfast and her lunch pack. Her mother was in the garden, tending to some of her vegetables. Helen turned to Karla and went to the old woman's side.

"Good morning!" Helen chirped. "Can I have Daddy's breakfast now?"

"Good morning, sweet bird," Karla returned with a smile. "Yes, of course you can. We go together like usual?"

"Hm, hm," Helen nodded, not really paying attention to Karla, but focusing on taking the breakfast tray from the table. "Oh, we have peanut butter sandwich! Cool!"

"That's what your father likes best in the morning, though I'm sure a blended one isn't really appealing to him," said Karla lightly. She approached the window and called out to Relena, "Ma'am, Miss Helen and I are going to deliver the breakfast to Master Heero now. Are you coming?"

"In a minute," Relena called back. "You two go ahead, I'll be joining you shortly."

"Mummy, don't be long!" Helen shouted, already leaving the kitchen with the tray in her hands.

"And be gentle – and be quiet, will you? Your father really needs his rest! Don't wake him up, just eat in there if you want, but no waking him up! Helen, sweetie, you hear me?"

"Yes, Mummy!" Helen's answer was vague, and Relena shook her head. She returned to her task, intending to finish soon.

Karla led Helen to the master bedroom. They opened the door slowly, and walked carefully to the bed. Apparently, Heero was still sleeping, for he usually had already waiting for them, expectant of his daughter's presence.

"Good morning, Daddy," Helen greeted quietly as she set the tray on the nightstand. "Mummy said not to wake you up, so I will eat earlier because I don't want to be late for school."

"Say your prayer first," Karla reminded the little girl.

"Okay," said Helen, propping herself in the armchair beside the bed and cupped her hand neatly on her lap. "For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly grateful. Amen."

"We give Thee thanks, Almighty God, for all Thy benefits, and for the poor souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, may they rest in peace. Amen." Karla followed by the sign of cross.

"Amen to that," Relena, who just had entered the room, smiled. "Good girl. Come, let's eat together."

"Why Daddy's still not awake?" Helen inquired, taking a bite of her sandwich. "I want to talk with Daddy."

"Daddy's condition is… not really well recently, so he needs more and more time of good rest," said Relena softly, hoisting up her daughter on her lap. "It is best to let him wake up on his own. But you know that he can feel your presence, do you not? He can hear you, and you being here is something that he loves so much. You have been a very good Daddy's little girl, sweetheart. He is very proud of you. I am proud of you."

"I hope Dad can get well soon so I can tell him stories I learned in school," Helen pointed out. "I miss playing with Dad. It's no fun when it's only me who's talking, Mummy. It's boring. And my mathematics lessons are getting difficult! Daddy's the best in maths, isn't he, Mummy?"

Relena chuckled. "I know. I miss talking with him too. Well, I admit I'm not very good at maths, it's your Dad's thing."

"But you're so cool when you talk about economy and politics," Helen offered kindly and both Relena and Karla laughed.

"Oh, thank you, sweetie," Relena kissed her daughter on the cheek. "That's what I did, after all. Now, finish your milk and get ready to go to school. You have your lunch?"

"Just in the bag, Ma'am," said Karla. "I will be escorting Miss Helen today. We'll take the bus."

"Be good," Relena reminded, slinging Helen's school bag on her back. "I'll say your hello to your father, don't worry. Would you want to say your prayer for him before you go?"

"Let's say it together, Mummy." Helen tucked her hand into her mother's and Relena took a deep breath, closing her eyes.

"God of all creation, you who spoke a simple command and brought forth light from the darkness, I call upon you now to send forth your miracle-working power into every aspect of our husband and father's being. In the same way that you spoke unto the dust of the ground when you created humankind in your own image, we ask you to send forth your healing power into his body. Send forth your word and command every cell, electrical and chemical impulse, tissue, joint, ligament, organ, gland, muscle, bone and every molecule in his body to come under complete and perfect health, strength, alignment, balance and harmony.

"It is through you that we live and move and have our being. With every breath we take, we live under your life-giving grace. We ask you to touch us now with the same miracle-working power that you used when you fashioned us inside out mother's womb. As surely as you have created us in your image and likeness, you can also recreate him now and restore his health.

"Please fill him with your healing power. Cast out all that should not be inside of him. We ask you to mend all that is broken, root out every sickness and disease, open all blocked arteries and veins, restore his internal organs, rebuild his damaged tissues, remove all inflammation and cleanse us of all infections, viruses and destructive forms of bacteria.

"Let the warmth of your healing love flood our entire being, so that his body will function the way it was created to be, whole and complete, renewed in your perfect health. We ask this through our Lord, Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen."

"Amen," Helen and Karla whispered together, and Relena shuddered, but she held back her tears at bay. She forced a smile as she looked down at her child, and squeezed Helen's shoulder gently.

"Can I kiss Daddy's hand?" asked Helen doubtfully.

"Of course you can," Relena guided Helen to the bed. "Come. Hold his hand together with Mummy and we can let him know that we both are here for him. We can offer our strength for him that way, too."

"Okay." Helen followed her mother. Relena settled Heero's hand to be cupped in both her and Helen's, and the little girl kissed her father's hand softly.

"I love you, Daddy," Helen told her father quietly, staring at his lax expression in slumber. "Please get well soon and play with me and Mummy again. I have to go to school now so I can be a doctor and then I can heal you and other people like you too. Bye bye, Daddy, I won't be long, I promise."

"Off you go, then." Relena kissed the child again. "Be careful on your way. Do look at your surroundings when you are to cross the street, okay? Promise?"

"Promise." Helen grinned and hugged her mother around the waist. "I'll be good, you'll see!"

"I know you will." Relena waved her hand as Helen and Karla made her way to the door. Karla stopped at the threshold for a moment and turned around to her mistress.

"I've got everything ready should what we anticipated happened, Ma'am," said Karla, her eyes shining sadly. "I also have called in for Master Milliardo and Ms Po yesterday and they should be here not long. Mr Pagan is also ready whenever you wish of him."

"Yes," Relena breathed, finally letting torrents of tears poured down as sobs rocked her body. "Yes, I understand. Thank you, thank you so much, Karla. Please take care of Helen. I trust her in your authority."

"Miss Helen will be safe with me," Karla bowed slightly and she disappeared from the room.

* * *

"Relena, darling, we're here," a woman's voice notified, and Relena saw Sally Po, followed by Duo Maxwell, Chang Wufei, Trowa Barton, Quatre Winner and her brother. Doctor Coppens also stepped in shortly.

"Sally," Relena acknowledged quietly. She sat by the edge of the bed, hands tightly wrapped around Heero's. Traces of dried tears still evident on her cheeks; and Sally's heart clutched at the defeated expression of the young woman. "I think he's slipped already… like you have warned me a few days ago."

"Let us check," Sally assured softly, stroking a hand through Relena's back. Milliardo gave a light kiss at the top of his sister's head. Coppens proceeded to the other side of the bed as he tended to his patient, with the other four ex-Gundam pilots' anxious eyes on his back.

"I'm afraid if he has already slipped into a coma," Coppens announced gently, straightening himself and looking at his watch. "Time is 07:32 am. I'm sorry, gentlemen, but may I require to talk only with family?"

"Of course," said Quatre quickly. "Relena," he cautiously approached the young woman, and pulled her into a hug. "We're all here. It will be alright. We're all here for you. No matter what happens, please believe that Allah has his best plans for all of us, especially you and Helen. God is almighty. He knows the best. You know that, do you not? Yes? Our prayer will be with Heero. All we have to do is to be by his side and be his strength. Look at me." Quatre stared squarely on Relena's glistening eyes. "Look at me. Do you believe in his divine Grace? Do you believe that Allah will take care of him the best, for he is the utmost healer and protector?"

"Oh!" Relena exclaimed weakly, and she burst into tears again as she shuddered in Quatre's gentle arms, sobbing wretchedly. "Oh, Quatre, yes I do, but you know how – I'm only thinking about Helen! I don't think I would ever be ready, but I do know, and I do believe in God's power. I love him so much, so much that I have come to willingly let him go so he suffer shan't be no more, for I know he will be on greatest hands… but still…" Relena inhaled sharply, trying to gain control on her shambled emotions. "The void… it shan't pass…"

"It never will," Duo said quietly, smiling sadly as he collected Heero's hand into his own. "But the good of him will be our utmost loving memories and it should be the greatest treasure we will cherish forever." Duo studied Heero's peaceful expression, holding back threatening tears gathered behind his eyelids. He would cry later, but not now. Closing his eyes, Duo shook his head, and whispered so quietly that it was only to him, "Goodbye, buddy. See ya on the other side." He pulled back, joining Wufei and Trowa who were still nearby the door. They would pay their respect later. "Come on, Quat. We can arrange the necessities."

Quatre kissed Relena's hand and retreated from the room along with his comrades. When he closed the door behind him, Quatre didn't hold back anymore and broke into a lachrymose weep, clutching his heart as he wrecked on the floor.

"I never thought it would be this hurting when the time's this close," Quatre said between his mist of tears.

"Me neither," Wufei spoke suddenly. "I guess it showed how much we do actually mean for each other. I just regret that we haven't properly shown him how much he mattered for all of us."

"That's not true," Trowa implored suddenly. "It isn't over yet, Wufei. We still haven't denied the chance for it. I suggest we take it into full account."

"Yeah," Duo agreed quietly. "S'pose I'll be lingering around here a little while. Little Helen would need her uncle."

"I can help," Quatre decided, forcing a smile to his face. "I'll also stay for a while in London. Miss Relena can use of my strength when needed."

"Fair enough," Duo shrugged, voice nonchalant. "And you, Tro, 'Fei? Going back about the road?"

"I'm staying here," said Trowa simply. "See what I can do."

"I'll be here when situation requires," Wufei promised. "Keep me apprised, Duo."

Duo nodded, and the four young ex-Gundam pilots exchanged glances of grim understanding as they glanced at the bedroom door.

_Ya Allah ya Kareem, w_ _ho is in heaven, hallowed be Your name, Your will is done in heaven and on earth; as Your mercy is in heaven, bestow it upon the earth. Forgive us our sins. You are the Lord of the good. Send down Your mercy and healing upon this pain…_

* * *

Relena not only had to deal with the whole situation emotionally, she had to adjust from the role of a wife to carer. It was an emotional rollercoaster, as she had to suffer the torment of watching the man she had regarded as her treasure wasted away before her eyes, while she survived on a few hours' sleep each night and got her to grips with various contraptions intended to make life easier. She was constantly pushed beyond what she believed she could cope with, arriving at a situation three years that seemed as bad as it could get, then dealing with a further deterioration just a few months down the line.

However, the amount of love gathered within her for her husband had become so vast and endless that she wanted to  _do_  this. She needed him; just like he needed her. His devotion and doing for the good of the humanity was a constant reminder at how she fell in love with him. She would never forget all the pain and sacrifices he had went through to reach this point; where people were living in harmony and peace.

And in with the hurt and anger through the suffocating epochs, there were shining lights that burned on her memories. When they knew that she was pregnant (they only found out in her third week), they were beyond happy. Watching Helen grew up tightening the invisible bond and unspeakable love between them. She and her husband momentarily distracted from the diagnosis, and the presence of her brother provided invaluable support to her and her child – and to Heero as well. From everyday tasks like helping with taking care of Helen and Heero, to being a family to talk to at the end of an emotionally draining day, Milliardo was a welcoming change for her and the family. She admired Milliardo's true traits (which only visible when he interacted with Helen); he possessed many fine qualities as Heero. She felt that both of them had reached that point of mutual understanding – why she chose Heero, and why she was so keen on doing the hard way.

She had been with Heero for 10 years, now. During the time, she had seen him growing up, seen him matured – he had refined into a very fine one man. He was a good person – better than most people. She could see what he really wanted – to be something better; to be something more. He wanted to be  _human_ , to be a whole person, to be something more than a mere  _existence_  – he was still so naïve, even after all the harsh and tough training he went under since he was very young. He was lost; not knowing how things worked in the real world. She wanted so much to be his guide; to be his friend, to be his family – one who would be by his side forever.

She had seen herself how the brutal disease manifested in her husband. As his physical ability declined, it took more energy from Relena. His muscles contorted, even his facial muscles ended up in extreme position. It was challenging. She had experienced the remarkable emotional and physical transformation of him – and in the process, she gained an even deeper respect and love for Heero. She wasn't sure if she would be able to handle the things the way Heero did if it was her who suffered the illness.

And now, after all the happiness and sadness, after all the laughs and tears, after all the anger and comfort, they finally met their most formidable enemy.

_That after all struggles we would face ahead, it would be still a very heavy defeat._

Relena closed the Bible on her lap, leaning back into the armchair by the side of Heero's bed. There was nothing the doctors could do; it was really only a matter of time. She had come to accept it, but it still felt  _damn_  hurt nonetheless. She reached for the cold hand on the bed, stroking it absent-mindedly as waves of memories replayed in her mind. Her husband looked so peaceful. She hoped that finally he would feel hurt no more; and that he found his salvation.  _For God loves you more than I ever could. You are in suffering no more. You will finally put down your sword and win the battle for the true peace, my love._

Releasing a deep sigh, she gripped his hand tighter, and as tears began to pour out, she sang quietly.

> _Almighty Father, strong to save,_
> 
> _Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,_
> 
> _Who bidd'st the mighty ocean deep_
> 
> _Its own appointed limits keep:_
> 
> _O hear us when we cry to thee_
> 
> _For those in peril on the sea._
> 
>  
> 
> _O Christ, the Lord of hill and plain_
> 
> _O'er which our traffic runs amain_
> 
> _By mountain pass or valley low;_
> 
> _Wherever, Lord, thy brethren go,_
> 
> _Protect them by thy guarding hand_
> 
> _From every peril on the land._
> 
>  
> 
> _O spirit whom the Father sent_
> 
> _To spread abroad the firmament_
> 
> _O wind of heaven, by Thy might_
> 
> _Save all who dares the Eagle's flight_
> 
> _And keep them by thy watchful care_
> 
> _From every peril in the air._
> 
>  
> 
> _O Trinity of love and power,_
> 
> _Our brethren shield in danger's hour;_
> 
> _From rock and tempest, fire and foe,_
> 
> _Protect them whereso'er they go,_
> 
> _Thus evermore shall rise to thee_
> 
> _Glad praise from air and land and sea._


End file.
